Okay, so if I ever become leader of the free world there will obviously be countless changes, but there's 2 specific laws I would enact upon the female race as a whole.
1) Girls are getting sluttier and sluttier every day... and hence hotter and hotter. As a male, this is pretty fucking awesome (who doesn't like seeing more skin?). The problem that ensues is that many of these girls are under the age of 18, which not only makes them grounds for imprisonment, but also makes the male staring at them a 'creep' in the eyes of other females around him. So you have these young girls running around dressed to strip, guys stare at them, and the guys get in trouble? How is that not total bullshit? Clearly they want the attention, but that's a whole other topic. So here's what we do: girls have to wear some sort of tag that alerts guys to their age. Maybe something like "not yet," "don't touch", or "illegal" for girls underage, and perhaps something like "ready to go" or "fuckable" for girls over 18. This is a clear necessity.
2) In my universe, girls will also wear signs of some sort alerting guys to their moods. Girls are moody as balls. It boggles my mind. One minute they're all flirty and having fun, next minute they're bawling about something and it's all the guy's fault. You never know when something you say will set a girl off. A seemingly innocuous statement could lead to days of fighting and ultimately the guy repenting (cause let's face it, we're always the one to give in due to the threat of 'lack of sex'). Hell, sometimes even a simple 'what's up?' can set a girl off. Again, this is bullshit. I mean, girls' moods can change on the hour. It's absurd. How are we supposed to know what to say or if to say anything at all? This is where some sort of sign comes into play. Perhaps something like "fun and flirty" or "you can actually talk to me" when they're in a good mood, or "total psycho fucking bitch!" when they're in a shitty mood. This would really simplify things. Elect me, and I'll make it happen. And if the girls complain we'll just de-franchise them. Easy as pie.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Happy Birthday?...
So my birthday was on Sunday. Now I don't usually share personal stories in this blog, but this was just pretty ridiculous.
I had to get the fuck out of Houston for my birthday. If I was there for it I probably would've shot myself in the head. So I decided to head to Miami with a few of my friends. The weekend was awesome. Much alcohol was consumed. This meant, of course, that when I awoke on Sunday, my actual birthday day, I was hungover as balls. I don't get too many hangovers anymore, but when I get them they are GOD FUCKING AWFUL. If someone had shot me Sunday morning I would've been pleased as all holy hell. So I wake up hungover. I went to college for four years; it's happened before. The problem?.... This time I woke up without my wallet.
Yes, sometime in the night (um, and by that I mean around 6 am) I ended up passed out on the beach. Now, I'm pretty sure that when I passed out I had my wallet in my pocket. When I woke up, it was gone. So I think I somehow got robbed while I was passed out on the beach (look, crazier things have happened). So losing some cash and credit cards is bad enough, but I also lost my driver's license. And I'm flying back to Houston in about 12 hours. FUCK.
This is great. I'm gonna be stranded in Miami. Well, as it turns out all I have to do is go to the police station, tell them my ID was stolen, and they'll write me a note. That's right, a motherfucking note, like I'm in god damned junior high again. But you know what, if it gets me back to Houston, who cares, right?
So I almost always use Orbitz when I fly. I highly recommend them. Their prices generally seem to be pretty good, but almost as good is the fact that they call you with flight status updates. So as we're sitting at Chilis eating some food before we all have to go through security and get on our respective flights, I get a call from Orbitz telling me my flight is delayed. Eh, it's only half an hour, I'll still catch my connection out of Tampa. 30 minutes later, Orbitz calls me to say that my flight is delayed even further. Umm, this is NOT good. I go to look at the monitor in the airport and they say my flight's still on time. What gives? I go to the counter, and he informs that, so to speak, I'm fucked. There's no way I'm making my connection in Tampa.
'Dude', I kindly inform him, 'I need to get to fucking work tomorrow!' Oh hold on, maybe I can make it... if I'm willing to catch a shuttle to Ft. Lauderdale, which is about 45 minutes away. On my own expense, of course. Well, don't have much of a fucking choice, now do I? So I bum some money off my friend (due to my lack of an ATM card) and catch the van to Ft. Lauderdale. Awesome. This is going reaaaaal well.
I get to the Ft. Lauderdale airport roughly 15 minutes before my plane's supposed to take off, check my bag in, and head to security. Now, due to the fact that I have a "note" rather than an actual driver's license, this subjects me to "extra security." So I go through the drug sniffer machine and the metal detector, and I get to the end of the X-ray belt to wait for my computer. I expect to pick it up and run onto the plane, but nooooo. The lady opens up my computer bag and swabs EVERY FUCKING INCH of the thing! Seriously?! I have a fucking plane taking off in two mintues and you're gonna make me miss it cause you're swabbing my fucking computer??!! This is the stupidest shit I have ever seen. Just an utter waste of time and money. Well, the fucking security lady finally gets done swabbing (or whatever the fuck she was doing), I grab my computer, and sprint to the gate just as my plane's starting to board. I get on and pass out. When I wake up, we're about to land in Houston, and I figure 'at least I'll get a good night's sleep tonight.' Little did I know...
So we land in Houston and I head over to the discount parking lot (at $6 a day, you can't really complain all that much). Now, generally when you first park at the lot they give you this little card that tells you where you're parked at, but for reason they didn't give me one this time (possibly cause I parked at like 5 am and both me and the shuttle driver were still asleep). So I thought I parked my car at B-12. I get in that section, and I'm looking, and looking, and looking some more, but I can't find shit. Now I'm tired and working on pretty much an empty stomach on account of me being hungover all day, so I'm getting frustrated. Eventually one of the shuttle drivers picks me up and we look for my car, but again, nothing. Sooo the guy has to take me up to their front office, and they have to use my license plate number to physically look up where I'm parked at. We finally find the car... in B-2. Not only do I feel like a fool, but it took an hour. I don't leave the lot until 11:30.
So I get on the freeway to head home. I'm goin like 70 (speed limit's 65) and everything's going fine. All of a sudden, though, I can feel my car start to shake.... uh oh. I smell burning rubber, and then I lose complete control. I do two 360's in the middle of this 5 lane highway. If there were people on the road it would've been a bad deal. Somehow I manage to get to the shoulder, I get out of the car, and, yup, I got a blown tire. The day gets better.
Now some would say I can be an angry person when it comes to society. The thing is, I think humanity as a whole just kinda blows. We're, simply put, not good. But, I do have faith in individual people. So I'm on the shoulder with my blown tire for maybe 30 seconds when this guy pulls over. He's this tiny Latino guy that reeks of alcohol, but at this point I'll take anything I can get. So we get the tire on, and I'm honesty really grateful. It's late, I'm sure he's tired, he didn't have to stop, but he did. So I shake his hand and thanks him, to which he replies, in a thick Mexican accent, "you give me 5 or ten dollars and we be good." Really dude? Really?? After I just told you I got my wallet stolen and have barely any cash? Whatever. I'm too tired to argue. I give him 5 bucks and get on my way. Will the day ever fucking end?
After driving for a few more minutes (never going over 55) I get to where I want to stay at. The hotel I usually stay at is an Extended Stay type thing which doesn't have anyone at the front desk after 11, so I'm fucked there. But there's a ton of hotels in the area, so I figure I'll be okay. I go to the Hampton Inn, ready to just crash, and ask them if they have a room. They do. But I have no cash or credit cards, so I ask them if they take a check. Um, they don't. Can they make an exception? No exceptions. Cool. Well, let's try somewhere else. La Quinta? Nope. Marriott? Don't think so. Days Inn? That'd be a big negative. The shady hotel that I try at all costs not to stay at? Sorry, they only take check during the day. Thanks for nothing lady.
Soo you might be asking yourself, what'd you do at this point? Well... I slept in my car. That's right, for a night I was officially a vagrant. Seriously though, that may be a new low in my life. When you wake up in your car and head straight to work looking like a bum, it might be time to take a hard, long look at where you're at in life.
A few thoughts on Miami
I feel like I'm pretty traveled. I've been to a lot of real cool cities that have been close to a beach and/or have the reputation of being a party town (LA, New Orleans, Barcelona), but I think I can unequivocally say that nothing truly prepared me for Miami. Forget the fact that clubs in Miami stay open until 5 am, the first thing I noticed almost as soon as I landed was the way people in Miami dressed. Let's just say that their clothing style is very, um, minimalistic. That whole 'no shoes, no shirt, no service' mantra you see for restaurants? Yeah, doesn't really apply in Miami. It seemed that every girl was walking around during the day in a swimsuit. I mean, I go into CVS and there's a girl just shopping in there in a bikini, like it's the most natural thing in the world. The thing is, many of these girls were clearly under-age. I almost felt kind of dirty for staring. Almost.
Going out at night took under-dressing to a whole new level. The skimpy clothing that girls in Miami wear to go out is simply ridiculous. Being a straight male, I love seeing scantily dressed girls as much as any other guy, but the amount of skankiness on the streets of Miami was absolutely absurd. Needless to say, I will totally visit this city again. Just be pre-warned, clothing does indeed seem to be optional.
Speaking of cities, here's my top 5:
1) Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - Okay, I'm clearly biased cause it is my home. But in all honesty, Philly gets a bad rap from people that've never been there. Lots of good restaurants and bars, great museums, a vibrant nightlife, and a ton of things to do. Plus, with all the colleges in the area, there's always bound to be lots of co-eds running around drunk out of their minds.
2) Portland, Oregon - Portland's a cool little hipster city. Lots of hiking, micro brews and indie rock bands. My type of place (thought the rain might get on my nerves after a while).
3) Barcelona, Spain - Just an awesome city. They eat late and party hard. The city's metropolitan, has great food, and is close to the Mediterranean. If you haven't been there, you need to give it a try.
4) Miami, Florida - Just a total party city with a TON of good restaurants, clubs and beaches. Great place to let it everything go. It is a little too Euro-y, which I'm sure would piss me off over time. Don't think I could live there.
5) San Francisco, California - A hip, green city that always seems to be on the cutting edge. It's frickin gorgeous and there's stuff to do. Plus it's a bastion for unbridled liberalism, which is right up my alley.
*Note: I have yet to go to Las Vegas, Austin, or Boston. So let's take that into consideration
I had to get the fuck out of Houston for my birthday. If I was there for it I probably would've shot myself in the head. So I decided to head to Miami with a few of my friends. The weekend was awesome. Much alcohol was consumed. This meant, of course, that when I awoke on Sunday, my actual birthday day, I was hungover as balls. I don't get too many hangovers anymore, but when I get them they are GOD FUCKING AWFUL. If someone had shot me Sunday morning I would've been pleased as all holy hell. So I wake up hungover. I went to college for four years; it's happened before. The problem?.... This time I woke up without my wallet.
Yes, sometime in the night (um, and by that I mean around 6 am) I ended up passed out on the beach. Now, I'm pretty sure that when I passed out I had my wallet in my pocket. When I woke up, it was gone. So I think I somehow got robbed while I was passed out on the beach (look, crazier things have happened). So losing some cash and credit cards is bad enough, but I also lost my driver's license. And I'm flying back to Houston in about 12 hours. FUCK.
This is great. I'm gonna be stranded in Miami. Well, as it turns out all I have to do is go to the police station, tell them my ID was stolen, and they'll write me a note. That's right, a motherfucking note, like I'm in god damned junior high again. But you know what, if it gets me back to Houston, who cares, right?
So I almost always use Orbitz when I fly. I highly recommend them. Their prices generally seem to be pretty good, but almost as good is the fact that they call you with flight status updates. So as we're sitting at Chilis eating some food before we all have to go through security and get on our respective flights, I get a call from Orbitz telling me my flight is delayed. Eh, it's only half an hour, I'll still catch my connection out of Tampa. 30 minutes later, Orbitz calls me to say that my flight is delayed even further. Umm, this is NOT good. I go to look at the monitor in the airport and they say my flight's still on time. What gives? I go to the counter, and he informs that, so to speak, I'm fucked. There's no way I'm making my connection in Tampa.
'Dude', I kindly inform him, 'I need to get to fucking work tomorrow!' Oh hold on, maybe I can make it... if I'm willing to catch a shuttle to Ft. Lauderdale, which is about 45 minutes away. On my own expense, of course. Well, don't have much of a fucking choice, now do I? So I bum some money off my friend (due to my lack of an ATM card) and catch the van to Ft. Lauderdale. Awesome. This is going reaaaaal well.
I get to the Ft. Lauderdale airport roughly 15 minutes before my plane's supposed to take off, check my bag in, and head to security. Now, due to the fact that I have a "note" rather than an actual driver's license, this subjects me to "extra security." So I go through the drug sniffer machine and the metal detector, and I get to the end of the X-ray belt to wait for my computer. I expect to pick it up and run onto the plane, but nooooo. The lady opens up my computer bag and swabs EVERY FUCKING INCH of the thing! Seriously?! I have a fucking plane taking off in two mintues and you're gonna make me miss it cause you're swabbing my fucking computer??!! This is the stupidest shit I have ever seen. Just an utter waste of time and money. Well, the fucking security lady finally gets done swabbing (or whatever the fuck she was doing), I grab my computer, and sprint to the gate just as my plane's starting to board. I get on and pass out. When I wake up, we're about to land in Houston, and I figure 'at least I'll get a good night's sleep tonight.' Little did I know...
So we land in Houston and I head over to the discount parking lot (at $6 a day, you can't really complain all that much). Now, generally when you first park at the lot they give you this little card that tells you where you're parked at, but for reason they didn't give me one this time (possibly cause I parked at like 5 am and both me and the shuttle driver were still asleep). So I thought I parked my car at B-12. I get in that section, and I'm looking, and looking, and looking some more, but I can't find shit. Now I'm tired and working on pretty much an empty stomach on account of me being hungover all day, so I'm getting frustrated. Eventually one of the shuttle drivers picks me up and we look for my car, but again, nothing. Sooo the guy has to take me up to their front office, and they have to use my license plate number to physically look up where I'm parked at. We finally find the car... in B-2. Not only do I feel like a fool, but it took an hour. I don't leave the lot until 11:30.
So I get on the freeway to head home. I'm goin like 70 (speed limit's 65) and everything's going fine. All of a sudden, though, I can feel my car start to shake.... uh oh. I smell burning rubber, and then I lose complete control. I do two 360's in the middle of this 5 lane highway. If there were people on the road it would've been a bad deal. Somehow I manage to get to the shoulder, I get out of the car, and, yup, I got a blown tire. The day gets better.
Now some would say I can be an angry person when it comes to society. The thing is, I think humanity as a whole just kinda blows. We're, simply put, not good. But, I do have faith in individual people. So I'm on the shoulder with my blown tire for maybe 30 seconds when this guy pulls over. He's this tiny Latino guy that reeks of alcohol, but at this point I'll take anything I can get. So we get the tire on, and I'm honesty really grateful. It's late, I'm sure he's tired, he didn't have to stop, but he did. So I shake his hand and thanks him, to which he replies, in a thick Mexican accent, "you give me 5 or ten dollars and we be good." Really dude? Really?? After I just told you I got my wallet stolen and have barely any cash? Whatever. I'm too tired to argue. I give him 5 bucks and get on my way. Will the day ever fucking end?
After driving for a few more minutes (never going over 55) I get to where I want to stay at. The hotel I usually stay at is an Extended Stay type thing which doesn't have anyone at the front desk after 11, so I'm fucked there. But there's a ton of hotels in the area, so I figure I'll be okay. I go to the Hampton Inn, ready to just crash, and ask them if they have a room. They do. But I have no cash or credit cards, so I ask them if they take a check. Um, they don't. Can they make an exception? No exceptions. Cool. Well, let's try somewhere else. La Quinta? Nope. Marriott? Don't think so. Days Inn? That'd be a big negative. The shady hotel that I try at all costs not to stay at? Sorry, they only take check during the day. Thanks for nothing lady.
Soo you might be asking yourself, what'd you do at this point? Well... I slept in my car. That's right, for a night I was officially a vagrant. Seriously though, that may be a new low in my life. When you wake up in your car and head straight to work looking like a bum, it might be time to take a hard, long look at where you're at in life.
A few thoughts on Miami
I feel like I'm pretty traveled. I've been to a lot of real cool cities that have been close to a beach and/or have the reputation of being a party town (LA, New Orleans, Barcelona), but I think I can unequivocally say that nothing truly prepared me for Miami. Forget the fact that clubs in Miami stay open until 5 am, the first thing I noticed almost as soon as I landed was the way people in Miami dressed. Let's just say that their clothing style is very, um, minimalistic. That whole 'no shoes, no shirt, no service' mantra you see for restaurants? Yeah, doesn't really apply in Miami. It seemed that every girl was walking around during the day in a swimsuit. I mean, I go into CVS and there's a girl just shopping in there in a bikini, like it's the most natural thing in the world. The thing is, many of these girls were clearly under-age. I almost felt kind of dirty for staring. Almost.
Going out at night took under-dressing to a whole new level. The skimpy clothing that girls in Miami wear to go out is simply ridiculous. Being a straight male, I love seeing scantily dressed girls as much as any other guy, but the amount of skankiness on the streets of Miami was absolutely absurd. Needless to say, I will totally visit this city again. Just be pre-warned, clothing does indeed seem to be optional.
Speaking of cities, here's my top 5:
1) Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - Okay, I'm clearly biased cause it is my home. But in all honesty, Philly gets a bad rap from people that've never been there. Lots of good restaurants and bars, great museums, a vibrant nightlife, and a ton of things to do. Plus, with all the colleges in the area, there's always bound to be lots of co-eds running around drunk out of their minds.
2) Portland, Oregon - Portland's a cool little hipster city. Lots of hiking, micro brews and indie rock bands. My type of place (thought the rain might get on my nerves after a while).
3) Barcelona, Spain - Just an awesome city. They eat late and party hard. The city's metropolitan, has great food, and is close to the Mediterranean. If you haven't been there, you need to give it a try.
4) Miami, Florida - Just a total party city with a TON of good restaurants, clubs and beaches. Great place to let it everything go. It is a little too Euro-y, which I'm sure would piss me off over time. Don't think I could live there.
5) San Francisco, California - A hip, green city that always seems to be on the cutting edge. It's frickin gorgeous and there's stuff to do. Plus it's a bastion for unbridled liberalism, which is right up my alley.
*Note: I have yet to go to Las Vegas, Austin, or Boston. So let's take that into consideration
Monday, June 2, 2008
Some Extremely Random Thoughts
So Mutt Lange cheated on Shania Twain. Here's Mutt Lange. Here's Shania Twain. And there goes my faith in anything
So all this talk about Obama being an elitist -um, isn't that a good thing? Don't you want your president to be smarter and, for all intensive purposes, better than the average person? I mean, you don't want the president of the freaking United States of America to be Joe Six-pack, do you? Plus, how can you call Obama elitist and not call McCain and Hilary Clinton the same thing? Take a look at this article. Both McCain and Clinton are worth a considerable amount more than Obama. And Obama's the elitist? Please. Every presidential candidate's an elitist. Give me a break.
So everyone's heard of Jimmy Fallon taking over Conan's show in 2009 when Conan takes over Leno's Tonight Show. Is anyone really excited about this? Does ANYONE actually like Fallon? He's not funny, he ruined every SNL skit he was on by laughing un-professionally, and he made that awful Fever Pitch movie. And we're giving him his own late night TV show? Um... why? How is he gonna be good in any shape or form? Whatever. I guess I can switch over to ABC and catch the second half of Kimmel's show.
I'm excited for Conan moving to an earlier time. I love his show. He's easily one of the funniest people on the planet, and now I'll be able to watch his show and still sleep at a reasonable time. The question arises though, can Conan spread his small but loyal audience into a widespread one?
It's easy to take shots at Jay Leno. His show isn't really edgy and he generally takes the easy joke. But the thing is, you know what you're getting with him. I think Letterman as a person is much funnier than Leno, but for some reason I always watch Leno's show (part of this reason is due to the fact that Paul Schafer annoys the fuck out of me). Leno's always there, he always gets big name guests, and, if it means anything, he is dependable to at least be somewhat entertaining (plus Jaywalking's pretty funny, right?). Conan's jokes can be hit-or-miss. When they miss he gets bailed out by his audience and his natural self-deprecating personality,, but will he be able to pull that off with a much larger viewership? Conan's humor can definitely be edgy and racy sometimes; which is perfect for his late night time slot. It will be interesting to see if he tones down the edginess (or if NBC makes him) when he takes over the Tonight Show. I hope he doesn't tone anything down or change his format. I hope he'll be able to convert non-believers into appreciating his unique blend of humor, but I have my doubts. Bland, stale humor tends to reign supreme on TV (see Two and a Half Men), and that is one thing Conan never has been. It'll be interesting to see how the whole situation shapes out. There's a good possibility NBC could be making a huge mistake (financially speaking) by letting Leno walk.
I forget if I've talked about those stupid fucking roller shoes that little kids are wearing now-a-days. God I hate those pieces of shit. I swear every time I'm just trying to get some food at the grocery store I get cut off by some dumbass kid. Then, as I brake the cart to a sharp halt so I don't run over precious, the little fuck looks up as the cart stops an inch from his face and says "oh". Really?? You almost got run the fuck over cause you were too busy rolling on your stupid god damned shoes! Why do these even exist? Just put on some roller blades and get outside. There is no reason for shoes to have little wheels on them. I'm pretty sure they're the first sign of the Apocalypse.
I'm excited for the Lakers-Celtics NBA finals, even if ESPN is gonna drown us to death with build-up to the series (evidenced by 1987 Celtics-Lakers finals match-up they showed tonight.... and not on ESPN Classic, but on regualr ESPN). It should be competitive and we get two of the fiercest athletes of my generation, in Kobe and KG, going head-to-head against each other. I'll be cheering for KG to get his first elusive ring... but it's hard to not go with the Lakers. With Kobe, Pau, Odom, a good supporting cast and a hall of fame coach they're gonna be tough to beat. I'll take the Lakers in 7.
Ryan Reynolds is gonna play Deadpool in the new Wolverine movie. Deadpool's probably my favorite comic book character ever, and the only 'super hero' who's book I actually bought and followed when I was younger. So this movie better be awesome, and Reynolds, you better do an awesome job.
I liked the new Indiana Jones movie. It was fun and fast-paced. The two hours honestly flew by like that. People keep hating on it, but I'm not sure why. People complain that the aliens were too much. Oh, and that thing that melted Nazis wasn't? C'mon. You can't go into the movie expecting realism or some sore of epic, Oscar caliber movie. It's fricking Inidana Jones. You go to watch fights, explosions, travels in foreign lands, and snakes.... and that's exactly what you got. A great movie for the ages? Of course not. But a great way to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon? You bet your ass it was.
So all this talk about Obama being an elitist -um, isn't that a good thing? Don't you want your president to be smarter and, for all intensive purposes, better than the average person? I mean, you don't want the president of the freaking United States of America to be Joe Six-pack, do you? Plus, how can you call Obama elitist and not call McCain and Hilary Clinton the same thing? Take a look at this article. Both McCain and Clinton are worth a considerable amount more than Obama. And Obama's the elitist? Please. Every presidential candidate's an elitist. Give me a break.
So everyone's heard of Jimmy Fallon taking over Conan's show in 2009 when Conan takes over Leno's Tonight Show. Is anyone really excited about this? Does ANYONE actually like Fallon? He's not funny, he ruined every SNL skit he was on by laughing un-professionally, and he made that awful Fever Pitch movie. And we're giving him his own late night TV show? Um... why? How is he gonna be good in any shape or form? Whatever. I guess I can switch over to ABC and catch the second half of Kimmel's show.
I'm excited for Conan moving to an earlier time. I love his show. He's easily one of the funniest people on the planet, and now I'll be able to watch his show and still sleep at a reasonable time. The question arises though, can Conan spread his small but loyal audience into a widespread one?
It's easy to take shots at Jay Leno. His show isn't really edgy and he generally takes the easy joke. But the thing is, you know what you're getting with him. I think Letterman as a person is much funnier than Leno, but for some reason I always watch Leno's show (part of this reason is due to the fact that Paul Schafer annoys the fuck out of me). Leno's always there, he always gets big name guests, and, if it means anything, he is dependable to at least be somewhat entertaining (plus Jaywalking's pretty funny, right?). Conan's jokes can be hit-or-miss. When they miss he gets bailed out by his audience and his natural self-deprecating personality,, but will he be able to pull that off with a much larger viewership? Conan's humor can definitely be edgy and racy sometimes; which is perfect for his late night time slot. It will be interesting to see if he tones down the edginess (or if NBC makes him) when he takes over the Tonight Show. I hope he doesn't tone anything down or change his format. I hope he'll be able to convert non-believers into appreciating his unique blend of humor, but I have my doubts. Bland, stale humor tends to reign supreme on TV (see Two and a Half Men), and that is one thing Conan never has been. It'll be interesting to see how the whole situation shapes out. There's a good possibility NBC could be making a huge mistake (financially speaking) by letting Leno walk.
I forget if I've talked about those stupid fucking roller shoes that little kids are wearing now-a-days. God I hate those pieces of shit. I swear every time I'm just trying to get some food at the grocery store I get cut off by some dumbass kid. Then, as I brake the cart to a sharp halt so I don't run over precious, the little fuck looks up as the cart stops an inch from his face and says "oh". Really?? You almost got run the fuck over cause you were too busy rolling on your stupid god damned shoes! Why do these even exist? Just put on some roller blades and get outside. There is no reason for shoes to have little wheels on them. I'm pretty sure they're the first sign of the Apocalypse.
I'm excited for the Lakers-Celtics NBA finals, even if ESPN is gonna drown us to death with build-up to the series (evidenced by 1987 Celtics-Lakers finals match-up they showed tonight.... and not on ESPN Classic, but on regualr ESPN). It should be competitive and we get two of the fiercest athletes of my generation, in Kobe and KG, going head-to-head against each other. I'll be cheering for KG to get his first elusive ring... but it's hard to not go with the Lakers. With Kobe, Pau, Odom, a good supporting cast and a hall of fame coach they're gonna be tough to beat. I'll take the Lakers in 7.
Ryan Reynolds is gonna play Deadpool in the new Wolverine movie. Deadpool's probably my favorite comic book character ever, and the only 'super hero' who's book I actually bought and followed when I was younger. So this movie better be awesome, and Reynolds, you better do an awesome job.
I liked the new Indiana Jones movie. It was fun and fast-paced. The two hours honestly flew by like that. People keep hating on it, but I'm not sure why. People complain that the aliens were too much. Oh, and that thing that melted Nazis wasn't? C'mon. You can't go into the movie expecting realism or some sore of epic, Oscar caliber movie. It's fricking Inidana Jones. You go to watch fights, explosions, travels in foreign lands, and snakes.... and that's exactly what you got. A great movie for the ages? Of course not. But a great way to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon? You bet your ass it was.
On MSG..
So for years I've heard that MSG is bad for you. You see Chinese restaurants advertising that their food is now 'MSG free!' Now, I never cared to know what MSG is or what it does or how it tastes. I always assumed it was some sort of salt that made food taste good but gave you cancer. Well, it turns out MSG doesn't actually kill you. Check out this article. Evidently MSG makes you fat, lazy and all headach-y. Really? That's it?? Motherfucking pussies need to man up. Theres MSG in Lays, KFC, Wendy's, Doritos, and Hamburger Helper among countless other tasty edibles. Look, we all know anything that tastes good isn't good for you. And clearly if you eat Doritos all days you're gonna become fat and lazy. 'Oh no.. MSG gave me a headache! Ban it!' Shut the fuck up you commies.
If I wanted to be healthy I wouldn't be eating Doritos in the first place. MSG isn't carcinogenic? Well hell then... put it on everything! Give me MSG in a jar so I can pour it on all my foods. Give it to me by the truckload.
It's addictive you say? It's the 'nicotine of food?' Well everyone I know who smokes loves their cigarettes. They know it's bad for them, but that doesn't stop them. That's the way it should be with MSG. If you don't want any in you then don't eat it. McDonalds is gonna be bad for you no matter what's in it... you might as well let it be tasty too. So take a fucking Advil and let me eat my MSG-laced Chinese food in peace.
If I wanted to be healthy I wouldn't be eating Doritos in the first place. MSG isn't carcinogenic? Well hell then... put it on everything! Give me MSG in a jar so I can pour it on all my foods. Give it to me by the truckload.
It's addictive you say? It's the 'nicotine of food?' Well everyone I know who smokes loves their cigarettes. They know it's bad for them, but that doesn't stop them. That's the way it should be with MSG. If you don't want any in you then don't eat it. McDonalds is gonna be bad for you no matter what's in it... you might as well let it be tasty too. So take a fucking Advil and let me eat my MSG-laced Chinese food in peace.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
On the Suddenly Entertaining (Again) NBA
Much has been said about the renaissance of the NBA this year. A league that had been by-and-large fairly dull and draining the last few years has once again become fast-paced and exciting with a plethora of just absolutely fantastic teams and fascinating players. You could claim many reasons for this sudden resurgence: the quality of young, talented and (perhaps most important) well-spoken superstars in the league, the mix of foreign players that can shoot and domestic players that can play a more bruising game, the sudden relevance of traditional powerhouses like the Lakers and Celtics, or even the impact that one year of college can have on a player coming straight out of high school. You could make cases for all of those. My explanation for us reaching the dawning of a new golden age? The NBA has finally become the league of the point guard.
If you think of point guards over the last decade, two names immediately come to mind: Jason Kidd and Steve Nash. Both are exceptional point guards. Nash is the best offensive point guard we've seen since probably Isiah Thomas (he's just a better pure shooter than Stockton for anyone who wants to bring that up). Here's Nash's stats. For his career he's shooting near %50 from the field, %43 from the three-point line and %90 from the free threw line. Not too shabby. Kidd's one of the best all around point guards in NBA history. He's not the pure scorer that Nash is, but is un-arguably a better rebounder and defender. Either way, they've both been at the top tier of NBA point guards for, if not the last decade, at least since the turn of the century. And the drop off in talent after them was drastic. Stockton and Marc Jackson have been out of the league for a while. Sam Cassell was never a top tier point guard. Stephon Marbury sucks (I beg you to watch ths interview... I beg you). Who else was there? Mike Bibby and Tim Hardaway were good... but they were never really great. After that, um...
Entertaining NBA games go as the point guard goes. The point guard starts the play with the ball in his hands, positions his teammates, and distributes the ball to them. He is the decision and play maker. For the last few years, the lack of quality point guards was affecting play in the NBA. Without someone to set-up the offense and then put the ball in the right place, we got a lot of defensive, slow-paced basketball and offenses that had one person driving to the basket while the other four stood around. Thought this crappy brand of basketball still exists (look at the Cavs or Hawks offense... ugh; although give Delonte West some time and I think he'll develop into a decent point guard), the NBA renaissance that we are all witnessing is directly correlated with the beautification of the game which is a by-product of the higher level of point guard play throughout the league.
Franchise Level
Steve Nash may only have a few years left playing at the high level he has been, but for now he has to remain in the franchise point guard category. There's no one in the league I'd trust more at the free throw line and he seems to always know when to shoot and when to pass. This year was really all about Chris Paul though. He was second in MVP voting and just had a ridiculous season taking a Hornets team with little to no expectations to the number 2 seed in the highly competitive wester conference. His averages this year were excellent, but they just can't explain the whole story. It's an absolute joy to watch him play the point guard position. Besides the 20 and 10, he led the league in steals and has a ridiculous turnover rate. I really can't explain how good he is. Got everything you'd want in a point guard aside from size, but he more than makes up for that with a Jordan-like ferocity on the court. Peja and David West owe Paul a ton.
Deron Williams has also boldly solidified himself in the upper echelon of point guards. After Paul he's arguably the best point guard in the league, and he might be the one guard in the league that can actually stop Paul. Williams might not be as flashy as Paul or Nash, but just watch him play and you'll realize how good of a point guard he is.
Finally Arriving on the Scene
I gotta place Baron Davis, Rafer Alston, and Andre Miller here. All three seemed like damaged goods entering the season and I don't think most people expected a lot out of any of the three. Davis, Alston and Miller, though, pretty much told their detractors to kiss their collective asses. The Baron played in every game this season. You read that right - Baron freaking Davis played all 82 games this season. That is un-heard of. In doing so, Davis showed that he can truly be the leader you need your point guard to be and made the Warriors a team worth watching. He went from a talented, oft-injured, over-rated star, to someone you'd want on your team down by one with 5 seconds to go.
Miller seemed like a throwaway in the AI trade. Being a Sixers fan I wasn't all that excited about getting him in return for one of my all time favorite players. I mean, Andre Miller? This guy didn't do shit on the Clippers or the Nuggets (granted that may have been because he was on the Clippers and the Nuggets). I figured we'd end up trading him for cap space this year. But then something amazing happened about mid-way through this season. This Sixers team clicked. Mo Cheeks had got them to play hard every night and Miller was the catalyst. He played good 'D', ran our up-tempo offense and was the absolute heart of our team.
Alston went from the guy in the And 1 league to a bona-fide NBA point guard this year. It took him a few years to get out of the street ball mentality and learn how to be a true team player, but Rafer finally did arrive on the scene, helping the Rockets to survive with Yao. He gave Houston that consistent play maker and outside shooter that they've been looking for to take the pressure off of T-mac.
No one saw these turnaround seasons by Davis, Alston or Miller. None of them are exactly that young and I, among I'm sure many other people, assumed that their best days were behind them. They defied all expectations and proved us all wrong by showing what they can really do, leading two young, exciting teams and another team in Houston that had the second longest winning streak of all time. So there's three more teams that suddenly got competent leadership where they previously could be said to be lacking such.
Young and Talented
This season also saw the emergence of a lot of young point guards that could play at or near an all star level in the future. You had Rajon Rondo in Boston, Monta Ellis in Golden State, and of course Jose Calderon in Toronto.
Rondo's benefited from playing with KG, Pierce and Allen in Boston and has shown that he should be Boston's point guard for years to come. He's tough, a good defender, and learning to be more assertive by the day. Experience in the playoffs will no doubt help him in the future.
Ellis may be listed at a shooting guard, but it's an inevitability that he'll be moved to the point eventually. He's just too creative of a player to keep at shooting guard and a few years of tutelage behind Baron have done nothing but helped. If Davis leaves over the off-season look for Ellis to take over the point.
Calderon seemed to come out of no-where and even made a late push to be included on the East all-star team. He's top five in the league in assists and barely ever turns the ball over... and he had to share his position with TJ Ford. Imagine if he played true starter minutes! This guy's a star in the making. He could easily be one of the top 3 point guards in the league within the next 2 years.
The future's bright for the Celtics, Warriors and Raptors.
The Potential's There
I hate when they use the word potential during the NBA draft. It pisses me off. Instead of going for what you think may be there, why not take what you know is there? In this case, we've had a lot of young point guards that have shown glimpses or flashes of their potential. These guys all have the ability to be high quality guards in this league, whether they reach their peak or not is up to them. Who am I putting here: Jameer Nelson from Orlando, Delonte West from Cleveland, Randy Foye from Minnesota, Mike Conley and Kyle Lowry from Memphis, Jordan Farmar from LA, Louis Williams from Philly, Devin Harris from New Jersey, Raymond Felton from Charlotte and Ramon Sessions from Milwaukee.
Let's start with Jameer. He plays the game with a bulldog-type tenacity that you gotta love in a player. He increased his offensive production this year and seems to be meshing well with the phenom that is Dwight Howard (although, for the love of god, please get him the ball in this Celtics series!!). Nelson always tries his hardest (which you can't say about a lot of NBA players), but his height is obviously a disadvantage; at this point in his career he gets abused by taller, stronger point guards. If he continue to improve his game in the off-season, Orlando will be a force for years to come.
Delonte's another St. Joe's alum. Playing shooting guard in college, it's taken him a while to switch over to point guard, and it seems he's finally found a place with Cleveland after bouncing around through Boston and Seattle. West is an unselfish players that can shoot a high-percentage, but he can also handle the ball. His decision making will only get better with time and he'll be an excellent compliment to Lebron next year. If only the Cavs can get a power forward, a shooting guard and maybe a young center that can actually run up and down the court.... not to mention some semblance of a bench.
I love Randy Foye. He's another young point that has had to make the transition over from playing shooting guard in college. He's definitely talented enough to do it, but he needs to stay healthy. This has not been an easy task for him thus far. If Foye can stay off the injury list he'll combine with Al Jefferson and Ryan Gomes to provide an excellent base for the Timberwolves to build off of.
Mike Conley played big games in college, so we know he can handle the pressure. Could he have used another year or two in school? Yeah, definitely. But he's gonna be good. The problem is, Kyle Lowry also shares the back court with Conley. Lowry's another good, young point guard that probably came out of school a year too early. Lowry's tough and stocky and will pretty much bulldoze his way to the basket. Both of them can be starting point guards in this league, but how the hell's that gonna happen in Memphis? If you're running the Grizzlies, why do you spend first round picks on point guards in back-to-back years? What the fuck? How does that make any sense whatsoever? It might be in the best interests of both Conley and Lowry if one of them is traded and handed the reins to their own team.
I thought Farmar would be a little further along at this point. He has all the skills to be a top tier point guard in this league and I think the Lakers were smart to not include him in the Pau Gasol trade. Farmar will get to learn from Derek Fisher, one of the NBA's true professionals, and will get to play some minutes in some big time playoff games. Eventually Farmar will take over the point for the Lakers and don't be surprised to see him in a few all-star games in the future. He can already shoot and has confidence in his shot; he just needs to work on his decision making and get a better understanding of the pro game. That will only come with age.
As a Sixers fan I'm really excited by what Louis Williams brings to the table, and also deeply concerned by what he takes away. I didn't get to watch that many Sixers game (cause the NBA, in their infinite wisdom, gave the Miami Heat about 50,000 god-damned national TV games!!), but in the ones I did watch I liked what I saw of Williams. The kid is athletic as all hell and is almost unstoppable when he attacks the rim. He is one of the quickest players in the league and reminds me of AI. Therein lies the problem. AI, like Williams, was 6 foot on a good day and got just abused on the defensive end before he gave up trying to play defense altogether. I love AI, but it'll be tough for him to ever win a title unless he accepts some defensive responsibility or he's surrounded by a group of players that are absolutely committed to defense. Williams will have to play defense for the Sixers to be successful. Luckily Williams gets to learn from Andre Miller and Mo Cheeks (one of the games all time best defensive point guards). Williams is still very raw, even after being in the league for I think three years, and I think he has the potential and has been placed in the right position to be extremely successful in the future.
Devin Harris has clearly not lived up to his high draft pick, and now he's stuck playing with that team cancer that is Vince Carter for the foreseeable future. Harris, though, is ridiculously fast and can get to the rim when he wants. Jersey doesn't have much, but there's a chance we'll finally see him thrive there (I wouldn't bet on it though).
Raymond Felton never gets mentioned whenever anyone talks about point guard play. He's probably never going to be a great NBA player, but he's definitely above average and has been consistent since his career's started. You also have to consider that he has experience playing in big games from his days winning an NCAA title with UNC.
Almost no one had heard of Ramon Sessions until he had that 24 assist game towards the end of the season, but everyone's predicting him to have a breakout season next year, which is entirely possible. The Bucks have some nice pieces in Redd and Bogut, so it'll be interesting to see if Ramon can help to get them working as a unit. The Bucks were not good and were awful to watch, so Sessions can't really be any worse, right?
Consistently Good
We're throwing Tony Parker, Chauncey Billups and Derek Fisher here. These three have been real good for a long time. They've played integral parts on title winning teams and they come up big when their team needs it. They define consistency. If your team's in their hands you know you have a good chance to be competitive. They provide the grit, leadership and smarts that you must have in a point guard.
Tony's not your prototypical point guard, but he's perfect for what the Spurs try to do. He's unselfish, an excellent finisher, and more than adequate defensively. He could be a huge star somewhere else, but he's content to stay on the low-key Spurs and continue to win titles. Gotta love that.
Billups can shoot, run the offense, and play some damn good defense. It's not his fault the Pistons haven't won a few more titles. He bounced around from team to team when he entered a league, but he's found a home in Detroit. The Pistons may not play the most aesthetically pleasing game, but it's hard to complain with the way Billups balls.
Derek Fisher is one of the classiest players in the NBA. It's hard not to respect the man (and this is coming from someone who fucking hated those Shaq/Kobe Lakers team). He's a rock-solid NBA point guard. Playing in Phil Jackson's triangle offense for years he never had the gaudy stats that star point guards had, but the man was always tough, knew how to run a team, and was clutch as balls (as evidenced by that shot to beat the Spurs a few years ago). You can't help but think that his presence had at least some effect on Kobe and Deron Williams. Fisher should do a heck of a job mentoring Farmar for the future.
Masquerading as a Point Guard
Clearly AI is here. It's too late for him to switch mentality's from a shooting guard to a point guard at this point. AI is a great passer, no doubt about that, but he will always look for his shot first. Some of that is due to scoring just being engrained in his brain, but you have to think he's also been shaped by having crappy scorers around him pretty much his entire career in Philly. I mean, he got Keith Van Horn, and a well past their primes Glenn Robinson and Chris Webber. The season the Sixers reached the finals our second best scoring option was Aaron McKie. Aaron McKie!! C'mon Denver. Give it up already and move AI to the 2.
We Honestly Don't Know...
Hello Shaun Livingston. This guy has the size and possibly the talent to be amazingly good.... but he's hurt alllll the time. Hard to make a decision on him as of yet.
Put a Knife in Me, I'm Done
Jason Kidd, Mike Bibby and Sam Cassell are firmly entrenched here. Though the amount of good point guards in the NBA is clearly higher than it has been in a long while, these three long tenured point guards are done. They have been clutch and played in big games in the past, but those times are over. Thanks guys, but maybe it's time to call it quits or go play in Europe or something.
Kidd's a hall of famer, but he's done. He was never a great scorer and earned his reputation on decision making and defense. He still makes great decisions, but he has no lateral movement which means his defense is below average. Couple that with his inability to make a shot and Dallas is fucked next season.
Mike Bibby, it's 1998, they want you back. Did you see him get destroyed by Rajon Rondo against the Celtics? He's done.
Cassell can still bring the emotion and leadership for a team, and can hit some big shots one out of every five games. But he's pretty much a coach and motivator at this point. He's can be a good fit for a Celtics team that doesn't really need that much offense at this point, but he needs to realize that he's not the Sam-I-am of old and stop shooting so fucking much.
The Future?...
Though there's a plethora of quality point guards in the NBA, it should only get better with this year's draft: Derrick Rose, DJ Augustin, Jerryd Bayless, Russell Westbrook, Eric Gordon (thought he's considered a shooting guard) and OJ Mayo (though he's also considered a shooting guard).
The college game has always been more guard dominated where as the pro game has always been based off of big men, but it seems as if this is starting to change, which I think is for the better. Though I can appreciate a talented center using various post-up moves to score, a fast-paced guard oriented offense will always be more fun to watch. With the number of quality point guards already in the NBA and ready to enter, it looks like pro basketball should be in good hands for years to come. As a fan, I for one am excited.
If you think of point guards over the last decade, two names immediately come to mind: Jason Kidd and Steve Nash. Both are exceptional point guards. Nash is the best offensive point guard we've seen since probably Isiah Thomas (he's just a better pure shooter than Stockton for anyone who wants to bring that up). Here's Nash's stats. For his career he's shooting near %50 from the field, %43 from the three-point line and %90 from the free threw line. Not too shabby. Kidd's one of the best all around point guards in NBA history. He's not the pure scorer that Nash is, but is un-arguably a better rebounder and defender. Either way, they've both been at the top tier of NBA point guards for, if not the last decade, at least since the turn of the century. And the drop off in talent after them was drastic. Stockton and Marc Jackson have been out of the league for a while. Sam Cassell was never a top tier point guard. Stephon Marbury sucks (I beg you to watch ths interview... I beg you). Who else was there? Mike Bibby and Tim Hardaway were good... but they were never really great. After that, um...
Entertaining NBA games go as the point guard goes. The point guard starts the play with the ball in his hands, positions his teammates, and distributes the ball to them. He is the decision and play maker. For the last few years, the lack of quality point guards was affecting play in the NBA. Without someone to set-up the offense and then put the ball in the right place, we got a lot of defensive, slow-paced basketball and offenses that had one person driving to the basket while the other four stood around. Thought this crappy brand of basketball still exists (look at the Cavs or Hawks offense... ugh; although give Delonte West some time and I think he'll develop into a decent point guard), the NBA renaissance that we are all witnessing is directly correlated with the beautification of the game which is a by-product of the higher level of point guard play throughout the league.
Franchise Level
Steve Nash may only have a few years left playing at the high level he has been, but for now he has to remain in the franchise point guard category. There's no one in the league I'd trust more at the free throw line and he seems to always know when to shoot and when to pass. This year was really all about Chris Paul though. He was second in MVP voting and just had a ridiculous season taking a Hornets team with little to no expectations to the number 2 seed in the highly competitive wester conference. His averages this year were excellent, but they just can't explain the whole story. It's an absolute joy to watch him play the point guard position. Besides the 20 and 10, he led the league in steals and has a ridiculous turnover rate. I really can't explain how good he is. Got everything you'd want in a point guard aside from size, but he more than makes up for that with a Jordan-like ferocity on the court. Peja and David West owe Paul a ton.
Deron Williams has also boldly solidified himself in the upper echelon of point guards. After Paul he's arguably the best point guard in the league, and he might be the one guard in the league that can actually stop Paul. Williams might not be as flashy as Paul or Nash, but just watch him play and you'll realize how good of a point guard he is.
Finally Arriving on the Scene
I gotta place Baron Davis, Rafer Alston, and Andre Miller here. All three seemed like damaged goods entering the season and I don't think most people expected a lot out of any of the three. Davis, Alston and Miller, though, pretty much told their detractors to kiss their collective asses. The Baron played in every game this season. You read that right - Baron freaking Davis played all 82 games this season. That is un-heard of. In doing so, Davis showed that he can truly be the leader you need your point guard to be and made the Warriors a team worth watching. He went from a talented, oft-injured, over-rated star, to someone you'd want on your team down by one with 5 seconds to go.
Miller seemed like a throwaway in the AI trade. Being a Sixers fan I wasn't all that excited about getting him in return for one of my all time favorite players. I mean, Andre Miller? This guy didn't do shit on the Clippers or the Nuggets (granted that may have been because he was on the Clippers and the Nuggets). I figured we'd end up trading him for cap space this year. But then something amazing happened about mid-way through this season. This Sixers team clicked. Mo Cheeks had got them to play hard every night and Miller was the catalyst. He played good 'D', ran our up-tempo offense and was the absolute heart of our team.
Alston went from the guy in the And 1 league to a bona-fide NBA point guard this year. It took him a few years to get out of the street ball mentality and learn how to be a true team player, but Rafer finally did arrive on the scene, helping the Rockets to survive with Yao. He gave Houston that consistent play maker and outside shooter that they've been looking for to take the pressure off of T-mac.
No one saw these turnaround seasons by Davis, Alston or Miller. None of them are exactly that young and I, among I'm sure many other people, assumed that their best days were behind them. They defied all expectations and proved us all wrong by showing what they can really do, leading two young, exciting teams and another team in Houston that had the second longest winning streak of all time. So there's three more teams that suddenly got competent leadership where they previously could be said to be lacking such.
Young and Talented
This season also saw the emergence of a lot of young point guards that could play at or near an all star level in the future. You had Rajon Rondo in Boston, Monta Ellis in Golden State, and of course Jose Calderon in Toronto.
Rondo's benefited from playing with KG, Pierce and Allen in Boston and has shown that he should be Boston's point guard for years to come. He's tough, a good defender, and learning to be more assertive by the day. Experience in the playoffs will no doubt help him in the future.
Ellis may be listed at a shooting guard, but it's an inevitability that he'll be moved to the point eventually. He's just too creative of a player to keep at shooting guard and a few years of tutelage behind Baron have done nothing but helped. If Davis leaves over the off-season look for Ellis to take over the point.
Calderon seemed to come out of no-where and even made a late push to be included on the East all-star team. He's top five in the league in assists and barely ever turns the ball over... and he had to share his position with TJ Ford. Imagine if he played true starter minutes! This guy's a star in the making. He could easily be one of the top 3 point guards in the league within the next 2 years.
The future's bright for the Celtics, Warriors and Raptors.
The Potential's There
I hate when they use the word potential during the NBA draft. It pisses me off. Instead of going for what you think may be there, why not take what you know is there? In this case, we've had a lot of young point guards that have shown glimpses or flashes of their potential. These guys all have the ability to be high quality guards in this league, whether they reach their peak or not is up to them. Who am I putting here: Jameer Nelson from Orlando, Delonte West from Cleveland, Randy Foye from Minnesota, Mike Conley and Kyle Lowry from Memphis, Jordan Farmar from LA, Louis Williams from Philly, Devin Harris from New Jersey, Raymond Felton from Charlotte and Ramon Sessions from Milwaukee.
Let's start with Jameer. He plays the game with a bulldog-type tenacity that you gotta love in a player. He increased his offensive production this year and seems to be meshing well with the phenom that is Dwight Howard (although, for the love of god, please get him the ball in this Celtics series!!). Nelson always tries his hardest (which you can't say about a lot of NBA players), but his height is obviously a disadvantage; at this point in his career he gets abused by taller, stronger point guards. If he continue to improve his game in the off-season, Orlando will be a force for years to come.
Delonte's another St. Joe's alum. Playing shooting guard in college, it's taken him a while to switch over to point guard, and it seems he's finally found a place with Cleveland after bouncing around through Boston and Seattle. West is an unselfish players that can shoot a high-percentage, but he can also handle the ball. His decision making will only get better with time and he'll be an excellent compliment to Lebron next year. If only the Cavs can get a power forward, a shooting guard and maybe a young center that can actually run up and down the court.... not to mention some semblance of a bench.
I love Randy Foye. He's another young point that has had to make the transition over from playing shooting guard in college. He's definitely talented enough to do it, but he needs to stay healthy. This has not been an easy task for him thus far. If Foye can stay off the injury list he'll combine with Al Jefferson and Ryan Gomes to provide an excellent base for the Timberwolves to build off of.
Mike Conley played big games in college, so we know he can handle the pressure. Could he have used another year or two in school? Yeah, definitely. But he's gonna be good. The problem is, Kyle Lowry also shares the back court with Conley. Lowry's another good, young point guard that probably came out of school a year too early. Lowry's tough and stocky and will pretty much bulldoze his way to the basket. Both of them can be starting point guards in this league, but how the hell's that gonna happen in Memphis? If you're running the Grizzlies, why do you spend first round picks on point guards in back-to-back years? What the fuck? How does that make any sense whatsoever? It might be in the best interests of both Conley and Lowry if one of them is traded and handed the reins to their own team.
I thought Farmar would be a little further along at this point. He has all the skills to be a top tier point guard in this league and I think the Lakers were smart to not include him in the Pau Gasol trade. Farmar will get to learn from Derek Fisher, one of the NBA's true professionals, and will get to play some minutes in some big time playoff games. Eventually Farmar will take over the point for the Lakers and don't be surprised to see him in a few all-star games in the future. He can already shoot and has confidence in his shot; he just needs to work on his decision making and get a better understanding of the pro game. That will only come with age.
As a Sixers fan I'm really excited by what Louis Williams brings to the table, and also deeply concerned by what he takes away. I didn't get to watch that many Sixers game (cause the NBA, in their infinite wisdom, gave the Miami Heat about 50,000 god-damned national TV games!!), but in the ones I did watch I liked what I saw of Williams. The kid is athletic as all hell and is almost unstoppable when he attacks the rim. He is one of the quickest players in the league and reminds me of AI. Therein lies the problem. AI, like Williams, was 6 foot on a good day and got just abused on the defensive end before he gave up trying to play defense altogether. I love AI, but it'll be tough for him to ever win a title unless he accepts some defensive responsibility or he's surrounded by a group of players that are absolutely committed to defense. Williams will have to play defense for the Sixers to be successful. Luckily Williams gets to learn from Andre Miller and Mo Cheeks (one of the games all time best defensive point guards). Williams is still very raw, even after being in the league for I think three years, and I think he has the potential and has been placed in the right position to be extremely successful in the future.
Devin Harris has clearly not lived up to his high draft pick, and now he's stuck playing with that team cancer that is Vince Carter for the foreseeable future. Harris, though, is ridiculously fast and can get to the rim when he wants. Jersey doesn't have much, but there's a chance we'll finally see him thrive there (I wouldn't bet on it though).
Raymond Felton never gets mentioned whenever anyone talks about point guard play. He's probably never going to be a great NBA player, but he's definitely above average and has been consistent since his career's started. You also have to consider that he has experience playing in big games from his days winning an NCAA title with UNC.
Almost no one had heard of Ramon Sessions until he had that 24 assist game towards the end of the season, but everyone's predicting him to have a breakout season next year, which is entirely possible. The Bucks have some nice pieces in Redd and Bogut, so it'll be interesting to see if Ramon can help to get them working as a unit. The Bucks were not good and were awful to watch, so Sessions can't really be any worse, right?
Consistently Good
We're throwing Tony Parker, Chauncey Billups and Derek Fisher here. These three have been real good for a long time. They've played integral parts on title winning teams and they come up big when their team needs it. They define consistency. If your team's in their hands you know you have a good chance to be competitive. They provide the grit, leadership and smarts that you must have in a point guard.
Tony's not your prototypical point guard, but he's perfect for what the Spurs try to do. He's unselfish, an excellent finisher, and more than adequate defensively. He could be a huge star somewhere else, but he's content to stay on the low-key Spurs and continue to win titles. Gotta love that.
Billups can shoot, run the offense, and play some damn good defense. It's not his fault the Pistons haven't won a few more titles. He bounced around from team to team when he entered a league, but he's found a home in Detroit. The Pistons may not play the most aesthetically pleasing game, but it's hard to complain with the way Billups balls.
Derek Fisher is one of the classiest players in the NBA. It's hard not to respect the man (and this is coming from someone who fucking hated those Shaq/Kobe Lakers team). He's a rock-solid NBA point guard. Playing in Phil Jackson's triangle offense for years he never had the gaudy stats that star point guards had, but the man was always tough, knew how to run a team, and was clutch as balls (as evidenced by that shot to beat the Spurs a few years ago). You can't help but think that his presence had at least some effect on Kobe and Deron Williams. Fisher should do a heck of a job mentoring Farmar for the future.
Masquerading as a Point Guard
Clearly AI is here. It's too late for him to switch mentality's from a shooting guard to a point guard at this point. AI is a great passer, no doubt about that, but he will always look for his shot first. Some of that is due to scoring just being engrained in his brain, but you have to think he's also been shaped by having crappy scorers around him pretty much his entire career in Philly. I mean, he got Keith Van Horn, and a well past their primes Glenn Robinson and Chris Webber. The season the Sixers reached the finals our second best scoring option was Aaron McKie. Aaron McKie!! C'mon Denver. Give it up already and move AI to the 2.
We Honestly Don't Know...
Hello Shaun Livingston. This guy has the size and possibly the talent to be amazingly good.... but he's hurt alllll the time. Hard to make a decision on him as of yet.
Put a Knife in Me, I'm Done
Jason Kidd, Mike Bibby and Sam Cassell are firmly entrenched here. Though the amount of good point guards in the NBA is clearly higher than it has been in a long while, these three long tenured point guards are done. They have been clutch and played in big games in the past, but those times are over. Thanks guys, but maybe it's time to call it quits or go play in Europe or something.
Kidd's a hall of famer, but he's done. He was never a great scorer and earned his reputation on decision making and defense. He still makes great decisions, but he has no lateral movement which means his defense is below average. Couple that with his inability to make a shot and Dallas is fucked next season.
Mike Bibby, it's 1998, they want you back. Did you see him get destroyed by Rajon Rondo against the Celtics? He's done.
Cassell can still bring the emotion and leadership for a team, and can hit some big shots one out of every five games. But he's pretty much a coach and motivator at this point. He's can be a good fit for a Celtics team that doesn't really need that much offense at this point, but he needs to realize that he's not the Sam-I-am of old and stop shooting so fucking much.
The Future?...
Though there's a plethora of quality point guards in the NBA, it should only get better with this year's draft: Derrick Rose, DJ Augustin, Jerryd Bayless, Russell Westbrook, Eric Gordon (thought he's considered a shooting guard) and OJ Mayo (though he's also considered a shooting guard).
The college game has always been more guard dominated where as the pro game has always been based off of big men, but it seems as if this is starting to change, which I think is for the better. Though I can appreciate a talented center using various post-up moves to score, a fast-paced guard oriented offense will always be more fun to watch. With the number of quality point guards already in the NBA and ready to enter, it looks like pro basketball should be in good hands for years to come. As a fan, I for one am excited.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Who's Who in the NFL
So with their trade for Adam "Pacman" Jones, the Cowboys have officially become the sports equivalent of Real World. Adding the Pacman, with his penchant for 'making it rain', to an already combustible group that includes Tank Johnson, TO, Jessica Simpson, and the always radical Jerry Jones, creates the perfect mix for a molotov cocktail ready to explode. As I was bored at work today (as usual) discussing recent sports topics (also as usual) it occurred to me that the Cowboys were highly reminiscent of the booze-infused walking corpse that is Lindsay Lohan. Well, why stop there? Why not put a face to every NFL franchise?
Since it was the Cowboys that gave me the idea, let's start with he always formidable NFC East
NFC East
Dallas Cowboys - Lindsay Lohan
Lohan showed much promise early in her career. She was the hot, cute red-head with the world at her feet. Now she's a train-wreck waiting to happen, just like this Dallas team. They really expect this many flammable personalities to co-exist on one team without any problems? What happens when Pacman and Tank decide to take Romo out clubbing? Sooner or later you expect to hear that Lohan has driven her car into the Pacific while snorting some blow off a Chippendale dancer's ass; I'll expect the same from now on whenever someone mentions the Dallas Cowboys.
New York Giants - Ellen Page
Page vaulted from relative obscurity to claim everyone's hearts and become the new "it" girl with Juno. She's everywhere now. She hosted SNL, she's on all the talk shows, and she managed to get nominated for an Oscar. She's not the hottest girl out there in Hollywood, but she's managed to climb to the top of every director's wish list (at least for the moment). The Giants came out of nowhere to win the Super Bowl. All the odds were against them. They were missing Jeremy Shockey, they were facing the mighty Patriots, and they had the wrong Manning brother at quarterback. Despite facing the biggest of odds (the Giants with, well, everything, and Ellen with the superficiality that is Hollywood) both ultimately succeeded.
Washington Redskins - Michael Bay
Both had been living off their early accomplishments for years (the Skins with their titles from the early 90s and Bay with The Rock), and tried to regain their past glory by spending a lot of money which resulted in a lot of flash with very little substance (the Skins spent waaay too much money on Brandon Lloyd and London Fletcher among others, Bay made Pearl Harbor and Armageddon ..... a waste of money on both accounts). It's hard to take either of them that seriously, but it must be noted that both the Redskins and Bay did pretty well for themselves last year; the Redskins made the playoffs, and Bay came out with the enjoyable, if not a bit vapid, Transformers.
Philadelphia Eagles - Christian Slater
Both have tons of talent and had high expectations. Both made it far (the Eagles to three NFC title games plus a Super Bowl, and Slater acted in Interview with the Vampire and True Romance among other movies) only to never be able to quite get over the hump. The Eagles played like shit, then ran into the juggernaut Patriots in their Super Bowl appearance, only to have the TO (fuck that man!) saga the next year. Slater was set to be Hollywood's next big thing. He had the looks, the talent, and the charisma to go far, but drugs and numerous run-ins with the law seemed to always stand in his way. Both should've done more with what they had, but instead will only be remembered for what they didn't do.
NFC North
Green Bay Packers - John Travolta
While most of America loves the Packers and Travolta, I'm pretty fucking sick of them both. Both of them are living off their past and haven't done anything good in years. The Packers are still leaning on Favre, who, if we can be honest, hasn't been good in years (with last year obviously being the exception), and Travolta's still living off of Grease and Pulp Fiction, while releasing utter pieces of shit like Face/Off, Battlefield Earth and Be Cool. I mean, I don't get it. What's the big fucking deal with them?? It's like people are blind to the awful play of the Packers and the terrible movies Travolta continually makes. As far as I'm concerned, they're both overrated to hell and I'm sick of them in my life. The Packers and Travolta could both move to Siberia and I would be a very happy man.
Minnesota Vikings - Jenna Fischer
Both have been around for a while (Fischer's over 30!!), but never seemed to hit it big. The Vikes could never get that big win with a nucleus of Randall Cunningham, Randy Moss and Chris Carter a few years ago, and Jenna's career just sort of languished after Undeclared got canceled. Both, though, are on the rise. The Vikings have added Adrian Peterson and Jared Allen in subsequent years, and Jenna has starred in The Office (best show on television), Blades of Glory, and Walk Hard. Both are the current, hot thing, both are fun to watch, and I see big things in the future for them both as their stocks continue to rise.
Side note: Anyone else think Hollywood need more redheads? I mean, when redheads are hot, they're HOT. Aside from the amazingly cute Jenna, there's Amy Adams (so underrated), the always classy Nicole Kidman, pre-coked out Lindsay Lohan, and probably a bunch of other girls I'm forgetting. C'mon Hollywood.... get me more red heads!
Detroit Lions - Britney Spears
Both have had cataclysmic falls from grace to the point where they're nothing more than national punch lines. Both also have inexplicable marriages: the Lions have had the disastrous tenure of Matt Millen, and Britney married this.
Chicago Bears - Colin Farrell
Somehow both of them were good (or at least assumed to be) for a few years. The Bears made a Super Bowl with Rex Grossman, and Farrell has made a bunch of big Hollywood movies. But once you go see either close-up, you come to the realization that both suck and you inevitably leave telling everyone you know "I just wasted 3 hours of my life!" For some reason, both da Bears and Farrell suck you in, making you think you're about to see something good, but end up leaving you angry and used, like you just got your money stolen by a lanky transvestite posing as a prostitute.
NFC South
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Ben Affleck
Yeah, they're both still around, but they've been sort of incognito the last few years. People stopped giving a shit about the Bucs after their Super Bowl win (which I guess should be expected of a team that plays in Tamp fucking Bay), and Affleck peaked when he made Good Will Hunting and rode Matt Damon's coattails to glory. Both have things they did not earn (the Eagles were the better team in that NFC title game, and how Affleck managed to get the smoking hot Jennifer Garner is beyond me). Recently, though, both have made comebacks of sorts, Tampa by making the playoffs with Jeff Garcia under center, and Affleck with a surprisingly good directorial debut in Gone Baby Gone. Neither the Bucs or Affleck are terrible, but neither's truly remarkable either.
Carolina Panthers - Nicholas Cage
At this point, it's hard to tell what you're gonna get from either. You get the good (Adaptation), the okay (National Treasure), and the truly horrific (The Wicker Man). But just when you count the Panthers or Cage out, they do something that's absolutely surprising and makes you realize you forgot just how good they used to be.
New Orleans Saints - Jessica Simpson
At the first glimpse, both look quite good. Delve a little deeper and you realize how little substance there actually is.
Atlanta Falcons - Sasha Mitchell
Both were destroyed by scandal. The Falcons lost any and all relevance they had once Michael Vick went to jail on dog fighting charges. Sasha played Cody on Step by Step, one of the iconic TV roles of all time (okay, maybe just of my childhood), until he decided to go punch his wife. Both are pretty much forgotten at this point. (Doesn't help that Atlanta is often considered the worst sports city in the country). Good job guys.
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks - Cameron Diaz
Both are clearly past their primes. The Seahawks aren't a true Super Bowl threat anymore, and Diaz has gone from making awesome movies like Gangs of New York and There's Something About Mary to horrible pieces of shit with Ashton Kutcher. Seattle, though, always seems to win the weak NFC West and you always find yourself sort of surprised when you realize they've made the playoffs again and that they're not that terrible. It's similar to Diaz. She might be in her mid -30s now and tend to be sort of forgotten by movie goers, but whenever you see her you certainly think to yourself 'man, I would totally tap that.'
San Francisco 49ers - Al Pacino
The Niners have a great history full of Super Bowl titles and some of the best to ever grace a football field. Names like Montana, Rice and Walsh give any true football fan a veritable chill down their spine. Pacino, too, has a gloried resume, with Godfather I and II, Dog Day Afternoon, Scent of a Woman, Scarface and many other movies with his name on it. But recently? The Niner have, um... Alex smith. Pacino has, um... 88 Minutes. Unlike the absolutely inept and highly amusing Lions, this is more sad than anything. Oh how the mighty have fallen.
Arizona Cardinals - Megan Fox
On the surface, both are ridiculously attractive. Beneath that, though, who's to say? We don't really know and it's pretty much impossible to predict their fortunes. Both have the goods and seem poised for a meteoric rise. Whether that happens or not is up to them.
St. Louis Rams - Jennifer Love Hewitt
Both were at the top of the world just a few years ago, but that window has closed. Both are out of the spotlight and don't bring much to the table. When it comes to the fantasy world, though, both the Rams and Ms. Hewitt are still prime time players. Too bad fantasy stats don't equate to NFL wins. Welcome to irrelevancy.
(Okay, so I was gonna made some sort of double-entendre about how both the Rams and JLH have certain "assets" that make them attractive in the years of their decline, but then I thought 'screw it.' Why beat around the bush? I'm male. I'm straight. I want Jennifer Love Hewitt covered in whip cream laying on my bed with a bottle of chilled champagne and a bowl of strawberries within reach nearby, and a whip and leather cat-woman outfit hanging in the closet for foreplay. And that's that.)
AFC coming, um, sometime...
Since it was the Cowboys that gave me the idea, let's start with he always formidable NFC East
NFC East
Dallas Cowboys - Lindsay Lohan
Lohan showed much promise early in her career. She was the hot, cute red-head with the world at her feet. Now she's a train-wreck waiting to happen, just like this Dallas team. They really expect this many flammable personalities to co-exist on one team without any problems? What happens when Pacman and Tank decide to take Romo out clubbing? Sooner or later you expect to hear that Lohan has driven her car into the Pacific while snorting some blow off a Chippendale dancer's ass; I'll expect the same from now on whenever someone mentions the Dallas Cowboys.
New York Giants - Ellen Page
Page vaulted from relative obscurity to claim everyone's hearts and become the new "it" girl with Juno. She's everywhere now. She hosted SNL, she's on all the talk shows, and she managed to get nominated for an Oscar. She's not the hottest girl out there in Hollywood, but she's managed to climb to the top of every director's wish list (at least for the moment). The Giants came out of nowhere to win the Super Bowl. All the odds were against them. They were missing Jeremy Shockey, they were facing the mighty Patriots, and they had the wrong Manning brother at quarterback. Despite facing the biggest of odds (the Giants with, well, everything, and Ellen with the superficiality that is Hollywood) both ultimately succeeded.
Washington Redskins - Michael Bay
Both had been living off their early accomplishments for years (the Skins with their titles from the early 90s and Bay with The Rock), and tried to regain their past glory by spending a lot of money which resulted in a lot of flash with very little substance (the Skins spent waaay too much money on Brandon Lloyd and London Fletcher among others, Bay made Pearl Harbor and Armageddon ..... a waste of money on both accounts). It's hard to take either of them that seriously, but it must be noted that both the Redskins and Bay did pretty well for themselves last year; the Redskins made the playoffs, and Bay came out with the enjoyable, if not a bit vapid, Transformers.
Philadelphia Eagles - Christian Slater
Both have tons of talent and had high expectations. Both made it far (the Eagles to three NFC title games plus a Super Bowl, and Slater acted in Interview with the Vampire and True Romance among other movies) only to never be able to quite get over the hump. The Eagles played like shit, then ran into the juggernaut Patriots in their Super Bowl appearance, only to have the TO (fuck that man!) saga the next year. Slater was set to be Hollywood's next big thing. He had the looks, the talent, and the charisma to go far, but drugs and numerous run-ins with the law seemed to always stand in his way. Both should've done more with what they had, but instead will only be remembered for what they didn't do.
NFC North
Green Bay Packers - John Travolta
While most of America loves the Packers and Travolta, I'm pretty fucking sick of them both. Both of them are living off their past and haven't done anything good in years. The Packers are still leaning on Favre, who, if we can be honest, hasn't been good in years (with last year obviously being the exception), and Travolta's still living off of Grease and Pulp Fiction, while releasing utter pieces of shit like Face/Off, Battlefield Earth and Be Cool. I mean, I don't get it. What's the big fucking deal with them?? It's like people are blind to the awful play of the Packers and the terrible movies Travolta continually makes. As far as I'm concerned, they're both overrated to hell and I'm sick of them in my life. The Packers and Travolta could both move to Siberia and I would be a very happy man.
Minnesota Vikings - Jenna Fischer
Both have been around for a while (Fischer's over 30!!), but never seemed to hit it big. The Vikes could never get that big win with a nucleus of Randall Cunningham, Randy Moss and Chris Carter a few years ago, and Jenna's career just sort of languished after Undeclared got canceled. Both, though, are on the rise. The Vikings have added Adrian Peterson and Jared Allen in subsequent years, and Jenna has starred in The Office (best show on television), Blades of Glory, and Walk Hard. Both are the current, hot thing, both are fun to watch, and I see big things in the future for them both as their stocks continue to rise.
Side note: Anyone else think Hollywood need more redheads? I mean, when redheads are hot, they're HOT. Aside from the amazingly cute Jenna, there's Amy Adams (so underrated), the always classy Nicole Kidman, pre-coked out Lindsay Lohan, and probably a bunch of other girls I'm forgetting. C'mon Hollywood.... get me more red heads!
Detroit Lions - Britney Spears
Both have had cataclysmic falls from grace to the point where they're nothing more than national punch lines. Both also have inexplicable marriages: the Lions have had the disastrous tenure of Matt Millen, and Britney married this.
Chicago Bears - Colin Farrell
Somehow both of them were good (or at least assumed to be) for a few years. The Bears made a Super Bowl with Rex Grossman, and Farrell has made a bunch of big Hollywood movies. But once you go see either close-up, you come to the realization that both suck and you inevitably leave telling everyone you know "I just wasted 3 hours of my life!" For some reason, both da Bears and Farrell suck you in, making you think you're about to see something good, but end up leaving you angry and used, like you just got your money stolen by a lanky transvestite posing as a prostitute.
NFC South
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Ben Affleck
Yeah, they're both still around, but they've been sort of incognito the last few years. People stopped giving a shit about the Bucs after their Super Bowl win (which I guess should be expected of a team that plays in Tamp fucking Bay), and Affleck peaked when he made Good Will Hunting and rode Matt Damon's coattails to glory. Both have things they did not earn (the Eagles were the better team in that NFC title game, and how Affleck managed to get the smoking hot Jennifer Garner is beyond me). Recently, though, both have made comebacks of sorts, Tampa by making the playoffs with Jeff Garcia under center, and Affleck with a surprisingly good directorial debut in Gone Baby Gone. Neither the Bucs or Affleck are terrible, but neither's truly remarkable either.
Carolina Panthers - Nicholas Cage
At this point, it's hard to tell what you're gonna get from either. You get the good (Adaptation), the okay (National Treasure), and the truly horrific (The Wicker Man). But just when you count the Panthers or Cage out, they do something that's absolutely surprising and makes you realize you forgot just how good they used to be.
New Orleans Saints - Jessica Simpson
At the first glimpse, both look quite good. Delve a little deeper and you realize how little substance there actually is.
Atlanta Falcons - Sasha Mitchell
Both were destroyed by scandal. The Falcons lost any and all relevance they had once Michael Vick went to jail on dog fighting charges. Sasha played Cody on Step by Step, one of the iconic TV roles of all time (okay, maybe just of my childhood), until he decided to go punch his wife. Both are pretty much forgotten at this point. (Doesn't help that Atlanta is often considered the worst sports city in the country). Good job guys.
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks - Cameron Diaz
Both are clearly past their primes. The Seahawks aren't a true Super Bowl threat anymore, and Diaz has gone from making awesome movies like Gangs of New York and There's Something About Mary to horrible pieces of shit with Ashton Kutcher. Seattle, though, always seems to win the weak NFC West and you always find yourself sort of surprised when you realize they've made the playoffs again and that they're not that terrible. It's similar to Diaz. She might be in her mid -30s now and tend to be sort of forgotten by movie goers, but whenever you see her you certainly think to yourself 'man, I would totally tap that.'
San Francisco 49ers - Al Pacino
The Niners have a great history full of Super Bowl titles and some of the best to ever grace a football field. Names like Montana, Rice and Walsh give any true football fan a veritable chill down their spine. Pacino, too, has a gloried resume, with Godfather I and II, Dog Day Afternoon, Scent of a Woman, Scarface and many other movies with his name on it. But recently? The Niner have, um... Alex smith. Pacino has, um... 88 Minutes. Unlike the absolutely inept and highly amusing Lions, this is more sad than anything. Oh how the mighty have fallen.
Arizona Cardinals - Megan Fox
On the surface, both are ridiculously attractive. Beneath that, though, who's to say? We don't really know and it's pretty much impossible to predict their fortunes. Both have the goods and seem poised for a meteoric rise. Whether that happens or not is up to them.
St. Louis Rams - Jennifer Love Hewitt
Both were at the top of the world just a few years ago, but that window has closed. Both are out of the spotlight and don't bring much to the table. When it comes to the fantasy world, though, both the Rams and Ms. Hewitt are still prime time players. Too bad fantasy stats don't equate to NFL wins. Welcome to irrelevancy.
(Okay, so I was gonna made some sort of double-entendre about how both the Rams and JLH have certain "assets" that make them attractive in the years of their decline, but then I thought 'screw it.' Why beat around the bush? I'm male. I'm straight. I want Jennifer Love Hewitt covered in whip cream laying on my bed with a bottle of chilled champagne and a bowl of strawberries within reach nearby, and a whip and leather cat-woman outfit hanging in the closet for foreplay. And that's that.)
AFC coming, um, sometime...
Monday, April 21, 2008
Spring is Here!!
I love spring. The weather gets warmer, flowers start to bloom, girls come out of the woodwork showing more skin. All good things. But the best part about spring? All the fucking sports! You get basketball playoffs, hockey playoffs, and the start of baseball season. This is literally a sports lover's paradise.
The start of baseball season always brings about new hope. Every fan believes that their team has a chance; that this'll finally be their year. I'm by no means the biggest baseball fan, but there's definitely something awesome about the start of the season. More than mere hope, it's also a time of eternal youth. Even the oldest among us can remember the first baseball game they went to. We can remember going into the stadium, which seemed so menacingly big at the time, we can hear the crowd cheering and groaning, and see ourselves looking at the players who looked like tiny little bugs so far below us. More than football or basketball, baseball has that timeless quality. It's not as exciting as basketball, as fast as hockey, or as hard-hitting as football, but baseball's always been that little slice of Americana that lets us know that the cold, hard winter is over and the breezy spring months, followed by summer days spent lounging on a chair, will soon be upon us. Baseball season means beaches, spring break and vacations. It means fishing trips, kids running around, and girls in bikinis. Baseball's the perfect background noise as the days get longer and the air gets warmer. And the first few weeks, when every team is still technically in it, and we get to scrutinize and analyze our team's off-season changes, and determine what veterans are done, and what young players are ready to take it to the next level, and ultimately decide whether it'll be worth our time to follow the team for the next five months or not (regardless of what we decide, we'll still follow the team for the next five months)....... well, those first few weeks are just stupendous.
Basketball playoff games are always a treat to watch. You get ballers at the top of their profession playing at ridiculous levels. The NBA post-season is nothing like the regular season. The intensity is taken to a different stratosphere entirely. Now I meant to write about the playoffs before the games started, but, well, I didn't. So let me go on the record now saying I think the Sixers can beat this Pistons team. We already took game one on their home court. We're younger and more athletic, and honestly, I think we're just hungrier.
Regardless of whether the Sixers were in or not, I'd still be uber-excited for these playoffs. I can't remember this many good teams and match-ups in my life. This should really be its own post, so we'll do that later.
That brings us to the NHL playoffs. Regular season and post-season hockey are, simply put, not the same sport. Post-season crowds are more raucous, the games are more physical, the skating is faster, the goaltending is at a higher level, and the shots just seem to be traveling faster. My Flyers rebounded from the worst season in team history to make the playoffs this year. If that wasn't exciting enough, we got matched up with the Washington Capitals in the first round. The Caps, of course, have Alexander Ovechkin, who evidently has been named the new "king of hockey" by the national hockey league. Well you know what? No one fucking told Philadelphia! Everyone picked the Caps to beat us even though we had more points than them in the regular season, we have a better, more proven goaltender, and we're a more balanced team. Everyone on ESPN just loooooves Ovechkin so much. Well you know what Barry Melrose.... you can go suck his Russian cock., cause tonight the Flyers beat the fucking Capitals. Yeah, it took an overtime period in game 7, but still. We get to play the Canadiens in the next round, and though I may not get to see a game cause I don't get whatever the fuck this VS. channel is (way to get a good TV contract NHL... really, you did a great job there), I'm still ridiculously excited. There is NOTHING quite as nerve-racking as an overtime hockey game where the first goal wins the game, and there is nothing quite like playoff hockey. If the NHL regular season was anything at all like the playoffs, the league would certainly have more fans. It's hard to explain the thrill of seeing your teams back in the playoffs, and succeeding, after they've been down in the doldrums for the pat few seasons. Do I expect either the Flyers or Sixers to actually win a title? No, not really. We're just not good enough... yet. But then again, the uncertainty is what makes the playoffs so damn exciting in the first place. I may need to start downing pills just to make sure my enthusiasm doesn't the best of me.
Sooo I got the start of the season for a Phillies team with an extremely potent offense, I got my basketball team getting the NBA's attention by giving those cocky-ass Pistons all they can handle, and I got my hockey team beating the NHL's new golden boy to advance to the next round in the playoffs. You know what, I could get used to this. This is gonna be a good few weeks. I fucking love spring.
The start of baseball season always brings about new hope. Every fan believes that their team has a chance; that this'll finally be their year. I'm by no means the biggest baseball fan, but there's definitely something awesome about the start of the season. More than mere hope, it's also a time of eternal youth. Even the oldest among us can remember the first baseball game they went to. We can remember going into the stadium, which seemed so menacingly big at the time, we can hear the crowd cheering and groaning, and see ourselves looking at the players who looked like tiny little bugs so far below us. More than football or basketball, baseball has that timeless quality. It's not as exciting as basketball, as fast as hockey, or as hard-hitting as football, but baseball's always been that little slice of Americana that lets us know that the cold, hard winter is over and the breezy spring months, followed by summer days spent lounging on a chair, will soon be upon us. Baseball season means beaches, spring break and vacations. It means fishing trips, kids running around, and girls in bikinis. Baseball's the perfect background noise as the days get longer and the air gets warmer. And the first few weeks, when every team is still technically in it, and we get to scrutinize and analyze our team's off-season changes, and determine what veterans are done, and what young players are ready to take it to the next level, and ultimately decide whether it'll be worth our time to follow the team for the next five months or not (regardless of what we decide, we'll still follow the team for the next five months)....... well, those first few weeks are just stupendous.
Basketball playoff games are always a treat to watch. You get ballers at the top of their profession playing at ridiculous levels. The NBA post-season is nothing like the regular season. The intensity is taken to a different stratosphere entirely. Now I meant to write about the playoffs before the games started, but, well, I didn't. So let me go on the record now saying I think the Sixers can beat this Pistons team. We already took game one on their home court. We're younger and more athletic, and honestly, I think we're just hungrier.
Regardless of whether the Sixers were in or not, I'd still be uber-excited for these playoffs. I can't remember this many good teams and match-ups in my life. This should really be its own post, so we'll do that later.
That brings us to the NHL playoffs. Regular season and post-season hockey are, simply put, not the same sport. Post-season crowds are more raucous, the games are more physical, the skating is faster, the goaltending is at a higher level, and the shots just seem to be traveling faster. My Flyers rebounded from the worst season in team history to make the playoffs this year. If that wasn't exciting enough, we got matched up with the Washington Capitals in the first round. The Caps, of course, have Alexander Ovechkin, who evidently has been named the new "king of hockey" by the national hockey league. Well you know what? No one fucking told Philadelphia! Everyone picked the Caps to beat us even though we had more points than them in the regular season, we have a better, more proven goaltender, and we're a more balanced team. Everyone on ESPN just loooooves Ovechkin so much. Well you know what Barry Melrose.... you can go suck his Russian cock., cause tonight the Flyers beat the fucking Capitals. Yeah, it took an overtime period in game 7, but still. We get to play the Canadiens in the next round, and though I may not get to see a game cause I don't get whatever the fuck this VS. channel is (way to get a good TV contract NHL... really, you did a great job there), I'm still ridiculously excited. There is NOTHING quite as nerve-racking as an overtime hockey game where the first goal wins the game, and there is nothing quite like playoff hockey. If the NHL regular season was anything at all like the playoffs, the league would certainly have more fans. It's hard to explain the thrill of seeing your teams back in the playoffs, and succeeding, after they've been down in the doldrums for the pat few seasons. Do I expect either the Flyers or Sixers to actually win a title? No, not really. We're just not good enough... yet. But then again, the uncertainty is what makes the playoffs so damn exciting in the first place. I may need to start downing pills just to make sure my enthusiasm doesn't the best of me.
Sooo I got the start of the season for a Phillies team with an extremely potent offense, I got my basketball team getting the NBA's attention by giving those cocky-ass Pistons all they can handle, and I got my hockey team beating the NHL's new golden boy to advance to the next round in the playoffs. You know what, I could get used to this. This is gonna be a good few weeks. I fucking love spring.
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