A Simple Goal

One day I want to go to a pro-life rally holding a sign that says "I don't believe in condoms.... I believe in hangers." I figure that would be entertaining at least...

Thoughts after Driving 1,500 Miles

I've been drivin' all night, my hand's wet on the wheel
There's a voice in my head that drives my heel
It's my baby callin', says I need you here
And it's half past four and I'm shifting gear

When she's lonely and the longing gets too much
She sends a cable comin' in from above
We don't need no phone at all
We've got a thing that's called radar love
We've got a wave in the air, radar love

The radio's playing some forgotten song
Brenda Lee's "Coming on Strong"
The road's got me hypnotized
And I'm speeding into a new sunrise

When I get lonely, and I'm sure I've had enough
She sends her comfort, comin' in from above
Don't need no radio at all
We've got a thing that's called radar love
We’ve got a line in the sky, radar love

No more speed, I'm almost there
Gotta keep cool now, gotta take care
Last car to pass, here I go
And the line of cars drove down real slow

And the radio played that forgotten song
Brenda Lee's "Coming on Strong"
And the newsman sang his same song
One more radar lover's gone

Golden Earring - Radar Love

Look people, if you're not gonna drive fast then get the fuck out of the fast lane. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to be going 60 and slowing everybody down. Total bullshit.

Louisiana, how about fixing some of your roads? Thanks.

This is what greets you as you enter Mississippi. Um that sure as all hell isn't anything like coming home. In fact, if Mississippi reminded me of my home I'd drive straight off of a cliff.

So I ran into two Philadelphia's before reaching the real Philadelphia (ie the one in Pennsylvania). There's a Philadelphia, Mississippi, which is "most noted for the racial violence, murders, and other civil rights violations that occurred in the mid 1960s," and a Philadelphia, Tennessee. I for one take umbrage at this. Can't Philly copyright it's name or something? I don't know if I want people associating my fair city with these two places (no offense to Tennessee.... um, much offense to Mississippi). Like what if a European tourist wants to visit Philly (you may be asking yourself, 'why would he want to visit Philly in the first place?', but just bear with me here) and somehow fly's into Mississippi? That would be a tragedy of epic proportions. He would no doubt get the fuck out of there as fast as he could and he'd quickly tell his other Euro friends about the shit-hole that is Philadelphia. They'd talk amongst themselves and quickly come to the conclusion that any country that could possibly have had Philadelphia, Mississippi as it's national capital is clearly not worth visiting or supporting, and hence America's standing in the world would rapidly decling leaving us isolated on the global political landscape. So as you can see, enacting my 'One Philadelphia' policy is really for the greater good of the nation.

Call me old-fashioned, but I like to listen to the radio when I'm driving. CD's and Ipod's are good and all, but they just don't have that quality you get from listening to the radio while you're driving. There's nothing quite like that moment when you're cruising along with the radio turned on, and suddenly that one song comes on the radio. It's like coming upon a secret buried treasure. This happened to me on my little jouney from Houston. It was getting late in the night and I was tired from driving all day. I had just entered the Pennsylvania border and could feel my eyes getting heavy, when suddenly "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden came on. I fucking LOVE this song. I immediately turned the volume knob to an ear-damaging level and sang along as loud as I could. That one song jacked me up more than any amount of red bull could and got me through the rest of my drive. Only through the magic of radio.

5 Songs I Heard the Most on My Drive

1) - Lolli by 3 6 Mafia - What does 3 6 Mafia even mean?

2) Dangerous by Kardinal Offishal - Why must rappers butcher the English language with their horribly spelled names?

3) Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis - She sounds like a Mariah Carey rip-off to me... and I never much cared for Mariah Carey

4) Shake It - by Metro Station - Fuck, that song is WAY too catchy

5) Forever by Chris Brown - Gotta love subliminal advertising in your pop music

Yeah, I listen to shitty pop music when I drive.... I'm comfortable with that


What bothers me about that Lolli song, aside from the ridiculous lyrics that make me feel that music as an art form is totally dead, is the face that 'air' is pronounced 'errr'. When did this become a thing? Why is this a thing? So stupid

Stuff I didn't hear on the drive that surprised me: That Nelly/Fergie song (thankfully... otherwise it wouldn't have left my head), anything old school - no Tupac, or Biggie, not even any Busta... what's up with that?

Stuff I did hear that surprised me - Ice Ice Baby (how is that still being played in this day and age?!), Ray Parker Jr.'s Ghostbusters (that song is awesome!... just didn't realize they actually played it on the radio)


All in all, Houston to Philly's not a bad drive. but nothing I'd recommend. If you can fly, airport security has nothing on driving through Alabama and hoping you don't get lynched. Might I just suggest drinking your energy drinks carefully when you're going 75 mph.... Red Bull tends to sting the eye....