What Pisses Me Off Right Now

If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop
If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop
I've been running hot
You got me ticking gonna blow my top
If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop

The Rolling Stone - Start Me Up

Okay, I'm generally not an angry guy (at least I don't think so). I 'm pretty relaxed and pretty chill. But certain things get me riled up. Here's what's been pissing me the hell off of late:

The crappy internet you get in hotels. Now basically having lived in hotels for the last year, this is a constant complaint by me to anyone willing to listen. I mean seriously, for whatever ridiculous sum I'm giving you guys every night, you can't get me some decent fucking internet? What is that? You fuckers.

Taking my shoes off in the airport. Look, I'm not gonna blow up a god damned plane with my fucking shoes. Stop making me take them off! It's a pain in the ass. My feet get cold. And I have to wait like ten minutes for a bunch of old people and/or people flying for the first time to realize they have to take their shoes off and then doing so when they get to the front of the line. If I could shoot one person in the leg, I'd shoot the shoe-bomber guy. This is your fucking fault asshole!

March madness brackets. My bracket has never won. Never. I mean, c'mon... throw me a bone sometime! And having all number one seeds in this year? That sucks complete ass. Now you're gonna have that one person in your pool that picks no upsets winning, and then you have to listen to them brag about it and bring it up for the next year even when they pretty much know shit about college basketball. What the fuck you 61 non-number one teams?? You guys are asses.

Those Holiday Inn 'hot bar' commercials. Not only is it that they're kinda creepy, but pretty much any half-decent hotel you stay at's gonna have breakfast. This isn't something new and ground-breaking. Everyone does it.

Taxes. Taxes blow. They just do. If you've never done your taxes, good for you. And if you have done your own, we're in the same boat. So here's a big raised middle finger to the good 'ol IRfuckingS.

Elite Eight Predictions

Okay, so 7 out of 8 isn't bad, right? And c'mon, being from Philly, I had to pick Nova. But whatever. Hopefully the Elite 8 games are better than the Sweet 16. Blow-outs suck. So here's my predictions:

1 - UNC over 3 - Louisville - UNC hasn't been challenged yet. Louisville might be more of a challenge for them, but I don't see this one being all that close.

1 - Kansas over 10 - Davidson - I love this Davidson team. They're fun to watch, and before yesterday I would've had them beating Kansas. But watching Kansas just completely nullify Nova's perimeter game was too impressive. It's close with a lot of lead changes, but I have Kansas winning in the end. Just too many good players on that Jayhawks team.

2 - Texas over 1 - Memphis - Both teams are real good. Memphis impressed the hell out of me with their athleticism, but I really DJ Augustin and this Texas team. Plus we can't have an all number 1 Final Four, right?? Texas by the slimmest of margins.

1 - UCLA over 3 - Xavier - UCLA's too good, that simple. Plus I have them going all the way... I can't back track now.

There they are. I can totally see Davidson, Memphis or Xavier winning though. It's just too close. Plus I'll totally be rooting for Davidson to take out Kansas. You gotta love March Madness.

March Madness!!

Okay, I've been slacking. And obviously I'm a little late with my Madness thoughts. But better late than never, right?
So I had USC in my Championship game. Now this may seem to foolish to many of you, but everyone (well at least Michael Wilbon and Bill Simmons) was raving about the progress of OJ Mayo. So I jumped on the Trojan bandwagon. Imagine my utter joy when I come back from work to see that USC is down by ten with 2 minutes to go. Awesome. There were two lessons to be learned from this devastating defeat:
1) NEVER, under any circumstances, bet on someone named OJ. Seriously, what was I thinking??
Which brings me to point number 2) I fucking suck at picking an NCAA bracket. My cinderellas always fail and my favorites always falter. If you ever want to win a bracket, just pick the opposite of me. It's just fate at this point. I am destined to never win a god-damned NCAA pool. The only thing I'm proud of is that I had Nova making it this far.
Well I have UCLA winning it all, so if you're a Bruins fan, let me just apologize in advance.

Screw you ESPN.com. You couldn't have posted this story before I picked St. Mary's to beat Texas? Thanks for nothing, fuckers.

Someone's gonna get a real good player in Stephon Curry. I hope he stays in school; it's players like him that make the tournament fun to watch. Also, maybe he'll hit puberty by draft time next year.

Seriously USC, you lost to Kansas fucking State. C'mon! That's where kids that don't get into Kansas go to school! Granted, they did somehow end up with Michael Beasley and Bill Walker... so I guess they know how to recruit right?

Without further ado, here's my sweet sixteen picks:

1 - UNC over 4 - Washington State : UNC's just talented, too athletic

3 - Louisville over 2 - Tennessee : Seeing as I had Tennessee losing to Butler in the last round (which almost happened!) no way I can go with the Voluneers here. Plus, Lofton's hurt

12 - Villanova over 1 - Kansas : Okay, so in my bracket I have Kansas beating the 'Cats... but to hell with that. Go big or go home. Nova's peaking at the right time and Kansas always seems to fold sometime. Why not against a confident, well-coached Villanova team?

10 - Davidson over 3 - Wisconsin : So originally I had USC beating Georgetown in this spot. Ha! Davidson's hot and Curry's playing out of his mind. They beat Georgetown. Are Wisconsin better than the Hoyas? I don't think so. Though this means either a 10 or 12 seed in the final four, I'm going with it.

1 - Memphis over 5 - Michigan State : Just like to point out that I called this game beforehand. As much as I like Drew Neitzel and Tom Izzo, it's hard to go against an immensely talented Memphis team.. at least for now.

2 - Texas over 3 - Stanford : Sooo my prediction of Marquette vs. St. Mary's didn't actually pan out. So I visited Sanford's campus a few weeks ago. And all I can say is FUCK THE CARDINALS! Not only do you get ivy league level education while having actual competitive sports teams, but our damn campus is absolutely gorgeous. Bullshit. Total bullshit. Going with Texas on pure emotion here.

1 - UCLA over 12 - Western Kentucky : UCLA might've struggled their last game, but please... they're not losing to Western Kentucky. UCLA in a rout

3- Xavier over 7 - West Virginia : I originally had Xavier beating Duke here. I don't see them not being able to handle the Mountaineers.

And there you have it. The answer key. Just for you
(Again, UCLA fans, I'm so very sorry...)

On Duke-UNC

I'm by no means the biggest college basketball fan. Yeah, the college game has a certain energy to it and (relative to the NBA) remains untainted, but NBA players are infinitely more talented. Given the choice between this ever-present 'energy' and passion that college players have. and talent, I'll take talent every time. Minor league baseball players may be more passionate than their major league counterparts, but would you rather watch them over the game's top players? - didn't think so. I generally don't start watching college games until the tournament starts, with the possible exception of a few Big 5 games if they're on TV. That being said, I felt like I had to watch the Duke - UNC game last night.
There's something about the Duke-UNC rivalry that's just awesome. We really don't have anything like it in any other sport. It's that nameless quality that makes every game seem special (similar to when your team's playing on MNF). I guess you could make a case for Yankees - Red Sox, but that just doesn't have the same feel to it. Plus that so-called rivalry always seems to be one-sided. Either the Yankees or dominating or the Sox are. Duke - UNC was a more even match-up (Duke being ranked 5 and UNC 1). If I had to pick one college game to go to every year, it would definitely be the Duke - UNC match-up. Yes, I'd take it over the NCAA title game. Why? Atmosphere my friend. Now with most college games this isn't enough to make up for the poor quality of the game, but with two teams like Duke and UNC that generally isn't an issue. The atmosphere at every Duke - UNC game just looks electric. Both fan bases are totally into it and giving their all. They're living and dying with every basket. It truly means something to both sides. With tournament games, you're on a neutral court with a lot of neutral fans. Just doesn't have the same feel. (Now some may wonder how I could not choose a game at the Palestra, seeing my alma mater Penn play Princeton or another such team for the ivy league title. Well honestly, we don't deserve the Palestra. The place is usually half-empty for most games and though Penn's a great school to get an education at, it's not a great school as far as school spirit goes. Half the student body spends all their free time doing preppy things, leaving no time for basketball, while the other half spends all their free time talking about how the preppiness of the first half utterly disgusts them. And honestly, we play in the freaking ivy league. There's no conference tournament and we don't give out scholarships. Not exactly the highest level of play.)
Duke - UNC has history and some of the highest level of college ball played in the country. You get Coach K, fans painted blue, and Dick Vitale's head ready to explode. You get kids living in tents for months on end, fans screaming every time the opposing team has the ball, and even a guy in a speedo distracting Tar Heel players when they shoot free throws. Now that's atmosphere. That's passion.
To truly experience the Duke - UNC rivalry I believe you'd really need to attend one of the schools; but if you don't wanna go to school in North Carolina, then going to one of the games is the next best thing. For the true fan, the experience is all about the passion of the other fans around you, and I'm not sure if you'll find a more passionate arena than the one on the day when Duke is playing UNC.

Okay, another reason I watched the Duke - UNC game... Erin Andrews. She is awesome. She likes sports, works for ESPN and is damned hot. I'm also going to say that she's extremely smart, has a great sense of humor, enjoys making out with other girls, and saves burning orphans in her free time (all facts in the previous sentence are unconfirmed but believed to be true). I mean c'mon, she likes sports and (possibly) saves orphans! You can't beat that. Erin, if you're reading this, I will marry you immediately. Now if that comes off as a bit too strong, I'm also up for simply dating, being a booty call, a friend with benefits or even a love slave. I'm not picky...

On Brett Favre

Now, when I was just a little boy,
Standin to my daddys knee,
My poppa said, son, dont let the man get you
Do what he done to me.
cause hell get you,
cause hell get you now, now.

And I can remember the fourth of july,
Runnin through the backwood, bare.
And I can still hear my old hound dog barkin,
Chasin down a hoodoo there.
Chasin down a hoodoo there.

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Born on the Bayou

With Brett Favre's impending retirement, we will undoubtedly be inundated with tributes to him over the upcoming days and weeks. Now as a football and sports fan, I couldn't help but admire the guy. He played with his heart, always gave his all, and played with a child-like enthusiasm that was definitely endearing to watch. I have absolutely nothing against him. But, in all honesty, I'm not sad to see him go.
I don't want to come off as cold or dark-hearted, but it was time for Favre to leave. His skills have diminished to the point that he's no longer a top 5 quarterback in the league and is hardly a top 10. Some may point to his stats last year that he is still capable of leading a team to the Super Bowl, but I have to think much of that success was due to his very capable receiving corps that included Greg Jennings and Donald Driver. Favre still made those bone-headed plays and threw the ball up-for-grabs as he has been doing the last few years, but he got bailed out time and time again by his outstanding receivers. Would you seriously hand Favre the ball with your team's season on the line? I sure as hell wouldn't.
The worst part about Favre retiring is going to have to listen to Chris Berman and every other sportscaster kiss his royal ass for the next few weeks. Seriously Chris, suck his dick already and get it over with. It's ridiculous. I admired the guy, but he was by no means one of my favorite players. If I had to pick my favorite non-Eagles players I'm going with Elway, Barry Sanders, Tomlinson and, more recently, Adrian Peterson. I never cared that much for Favre... so stop shoving him down my fucking throat! Give me Montana or Marino over Favre any day of the week.
The best part about Favre retiring is gonna be seeing those damned Packers fans cry. I hope you all weep large, salty tears and your stupid cheese-heads melt into your hideous sausage fattened faces. Packers fans being upset always seems to equal me being happy. 'Oh no! Our savior is gone! What will we do without the second coming of Jesus??!' You can go get fatter and freeze in one of Wisconsin's many forests for all I care. He's gone. Get over with. So begins the Aaron Rodgers era. You played hard and with passion Favre, and that's all a fan can ask for. Farewell. Now please don't come back. If I have to hear those fucking Packer fans cackle with joy upon them learning of your un-retirement, I will personally break your knee caps. So go, enjoy your retirement. And let me revel in the pain of all those Packers fans. Yeah, I know, I'm pretty much like a grinch in green and white. Well, I'm perfectly comfortable in that role... so keep on crying you jackass cheeseheads, and know that, in my book, Elway will always be Favre's better. Suck on that!

God, I Miss Football

Long time, no blog. So the last three weeks I've been traveling in India and driving hundreds of miles for work. Needless to say, a lot has happened.

First off, the damned writer's strike is finally over. About damn time. Now give me more Office!

The NBA trade deadline lead to a plethora of deals. My thoughts on the major ones, quickly:

Pau Gasol to the Lakers - You get Pau for pretty much nothing. Kobe's happy. Your front court will now consist of Andew Bynum, Lamar Odom and Pau Gasol. Fucking A. Sucks for the rest of the NBA. You get Pau playing second fiddle, as he always should have been, and a suddenly even more motivated Kobe. That's scary man. But honestly, what the fuck were the Grizzlies thinking? You already have Navarro, Lowry and Conley, all of whom I like. So of course you get Javaris Crittenton from the Lakers? Huh? You couldn't even pry Jordan Farmar, who's is and will be a better player than Javaris, from the Lakers? Bullshit.

Jason Kidd to the Mavs - Obviously this takes the pressure off of Dirk. The Mavs HAD TO do something after their epic collapse last year. The problem will be if the Mavs can adjust to Kidd. Avery's already benched Kidd in he waning moments of a key game, and unless Johnson can loosen his tightly wound strings and allow the offense to evolve around Jason Kidd, the trade is pointless. A lot will be determined on whether Jason returns to playing the stellar defense he used to bring nightly. He's never been a great shooter and is having a pretty shitty shooting year so far. If he's not creating and at least doing something defensively, this trade sucks for the Mavs. I like Kidd's competitiveness and experience. I think this trade makes the Mavs better. But a contender in the west? Not so sure about that.

The Cavs-Bulls-Sonics Trade - Ben Wallace got out of Chicago and the Cavs managed to fleece Larry Hughes on another team. Seriously, is Chicago retarded? They had enough draft picks and talent to make a push for KG or Kobe.... and now they have nothing. You really think Deng or Gordon are gonna be franchise-type players? The Bulls most consistent player is fucking Nocioni! And now you have Larry Hughes. Dumbasses.
It's addition by subtraction for the Cavs. Just keep Lebron happy, and getting rid of Hughes was one way to do that. I actually liked Gooden, But the combination of Varejao and Big Ben can replace his production while giving you better defense. I love throwing Wally and Delonte onto the Cavs. Now I'm biased towards West as he's a St. Joes grad, but I really think he can ball and can thrive somewhere like Cleveland. He's still learning the point and will get a lot of open looks playing with Lebron. Great trade for the Cavs, the Sonics dump more salaries, and the Bulls still suck.

Shaq to the Suns - The jury's still out, but so far it's not looking too promising. Obviously they were hoping the old Shaq would magically be revived, but I don't think that's happening. Clearly this trade is made more for the bruising, slow-paced game of the playoffs rather than the regular season, so we can't make a true judgment until the post-season starts. From a chemistry and experience stand point, the trade can't help but succeed. But the question looms if Shaq has enough left to help the Suns get over the hump.


The NFL off-season has started being pretty awesome. Money's being thrown around and players are changing teams. Good times. The biggest free agent signing thus far would, arguably, have to be the Eagles getting former New England cornerback Asante Samuel. I like this signing. The Eagles two current corners, Lito Sheppard and Sheldon Brown, are both quite adequate, but when you have the opportunity to attain a ball-hog corner like Asante, on a team that struggled to get takeaways like the birds, you have to sign the man. Did we overpay for him? Yeah, probably. But he should thrive in Jim Johnson's blitz happy scheme, and if we decide to keep all three corners it will give us a fearsome secondary. More importantly, perhaps, the signing shows the fans, the players, and the rest of the league that the Eagles mean serious business. No more pussy-footing around. They're going for it. It also shows their commitment to McNabb. The man asks for playmakers and that's what he's getting. I'm excited by this trade. We could still use a big play receiver and I would love someone to replace Jeremiah Trotter's heart and emotion, but this is a good start. After the bullshit that was the Eagles season last year, it's good to see progress.