The Asshole of America

Born On The Bayou.
Wish I was back on the Bayou.
Rollin' with some Cajun Queen.
Wishin' I were a fast freight train,
Just a chooglin' on down to New Orleans.

Creedence Clearwater Revival - "Born on the Bayou"

Louisiana is a shit-hole. Like honestly, what a crap-fest. Pretty much Jersey placed in a swamp. And I thought Texas accents were bad... I can't even understand some of the people here! The state is just running wild with rednecks. All the redneck stereotypes you see on TV... yup, they're all true. They drive pick-ups, talk with awful grammar, and are genuinely ignorant of the world. But you know what, you kinda got to take it all in stride. From the bar that used to be an old gas station, to our hotel clerk that keeps a baby flying squirrel in her bra, when I take a step back I can't help but laugh. Their ignorance gives them a good-natured view on the world where everyone is constantly saying "hello" and asking "how was your day?" to each other Think you'll find that kind of care-free attitude in New York or Philly? Hell no! The weight of the world has, for all intensive purposes, made us bitter and condescending. I come to Louisiana and see it was a shit-hole instead of for what it has to offer me. Nice people, amazing food (gumbo, po boys, crawfish, etc.), drive-thru drink places. How can you beat that? And yeah, the forest may be littered with heaps of garbage (seriously, why would you drive out to a forest to throw out your fridge instead of jsut ptting it on the curb like a normal person?), but it's still a gorgeous piece of Earth. And yeah, many look at the locals here and consider them ignorant cause they'd rather ATVing in a full camouflage uniform thn read a book, but to each is own. Judge not lest thee be judged thyself. Sure I can quote Shakespeare, but you ask me to fix a car and I have nothing. Will I continue to laugh at the perceived craziness of this state and mock it's residents? Fuck yeah, that's what I do. But the next time I try and drive trough a mud-hole and get stuck, or take forever trying to eat some "crawfish," I'm pretty sure I'll be the one being laughed at.

The Travesty that was X-Men 3

I'm an X-men fanatic. Grew up on the toys, the comic books and the amazing Saturday morning cartoon (with one of the msot kick-ass theme songs ever!) So when they first addressed that they were making X-men movies I was absolutely giddy with excitement. I had high expectations, and the first two movies did not disappoint. X-men was an excellent movie, while X-men 2 is, in my opinion, the best super hero movie ever made. It had everything you coudl want: actions, a good cript and plot, interesting characters that were actually developed, good acting, and a myriad of ridiculously attractive women. So I had equally high expectations for X-men 3, which was advertised as the final installment of the trilogy. So on a bright, sunny Summer afternoon me and a bunch of friends made oru way down to the theater to see the movie. Well, if you've seen the movie already, you know it was a TOTAL PIECE OF MONKEY SHIT!!
What exactly were the problems with the movie? First off, losing director Bryan Singer, who directed the first two movies, and replacing him with Brett Ratner failed miserably. Ratner, who is best known for Rush Hour 2, simply could not continue with Singer's vision in the other two movies. The character development was bad and the movie was turned into another Hollywood explosion-fest, the lack of which is one of the reasons why the other two movies were so good.
Secondly, the whole premise of the movie was fucking terrible. With super-hero movie a good villain is a must. Ian McKellan and Brian Cox in the firt two movies, respectively, were absolutely fantastic. Even looking at the Spiderman movies, it's hard to top Willem Dafoe and Alfred Molina as your villains. In X-3, however, there was no clear cut villain, but rather the movie was based upon some sort of cure that took away mutant powers. What a shit idea. Just a total cop-out. I mean,, you jsut put in sentinels as the villains, and your movie is set (they had one in the opening scene of the movie only for it to be a computer generation... what a fucking tease!!) Instead the villain is a frickin cure. Any true X-men fan was outraged at this (as every studio exec should also be as this would seem to destroy any oportunity to put out a fourth movie).
And the cure just led to more and more shit. Mystique got turned "normal", Rogue chose to become so, and Magneto was made so by the X-men. What the fuck? Th X-men would NEVER purposely take away Magneto's power and there's no way in hell Rogue would voluntarily give up her powers. She's made of sterner stuff than that. Then, pen-ultimately, it seems that the cure does not even work. Fantastic. Throw in the fact that Cyclops, Jean Grey, and Professor X all appear to die (only for it to appear that Professor X is actually alive, which means that Jean could also be, not to mention the fact that we never technically saw Cyclops' body). and this movie was just totaly bullshit. You can't kill off the fucking X-men! I hate Cyclops as much as the next person, but the whiny bitch needs to live. They wasted the entire Dark Phoenix saga, and failed to use either Angel or Colossus to the fullest capabilities. For some reason Nightcrawler was absen from the movie. And why the fuck is Gambit not in the movie? Just get Johnny Depp to play Jack fucking Sparrow with a Cajun accent!! Grrrrr. All I can say is Spiderman 3 better not follow down the same path of shittiness. Honestly, if they have Wolverine jsut wake up at the start of the next movie, and it turns out that X-3 was just one of his nightmares, I will totally be fine with that. Please get rid of Brett Ratner, get a new writer, and save what would have been the most memorable movie trilogy of my lifetime.

Driving in Texas

Hey man you know I'm really okay
The gun in my hand will tell you the same
But when I'm in my car
Don't give me no crap
Cause the slightest thing and I just might snap

When I go driving I stay in my lane
But getting cut off it makes me insane
I open the glove box
Reach inside
I'm gonna wreck this fucker's ride

The Offspring - "Bad Habit"

So after living in Texas I can say with conviction that the residents of this state have NO FUCKING CLUE HOW TO DRIVE! Never have I been so enraged. Now, let me say that I am not the calmest of drivers. I get annoyed at other driver when I'm driving (never to a violent exten, but if you're in the car with me your ears will be subjected to a slew of curse words). Driving in Philly, and anywhere on the East Coast for that matter, I am an aggressive driver. Hell, if you've want to survive on the Skhuylkill you have to be aggressive. You drive fast and you don't let people into your lanes. But as aggressive as you drive, you're still a good driver.
Texans, o nthe other hand, are simply not aggressive drivers. Just moving here I always find myself in the wrong lane and then needing to quickly get into another lane. In Philly, I would've been fucked, no way in hell is anyone gonna let me go. But here, people are more than ready to allw me into their lane. Hmm people being nice on the road.... diferent, but can't really complain. But that's where the good parts about driving in Texas end. My pet peeve is people not using their damn blinkers. I mean c'mon, it takes a millisecond to flick the handle. And it's done to prevent accidents. It's just common fucking sense. But apparently, no one in Texas believes in using their blinkers. I swear maybe 1 out of 10 drivers here will use their blinkers when changing lanes. I've been happily driving in my lane when out of nwhere, with no indication, some jackass will enter my lane forcing me to slam on the brakes. This angers me to no extent. Throw in the fact that Texans think it's fine to continue to drive slow in the fast lane when there's a line a mile long behind you, and that they have no qualms about riding on the shoulder and then expecting you to allow them into your lane, and it's only a matter of time before I go ape shit on one of these damned rednecks. Don't mess with Texas my ass. I will mess with the bastards till they learn how to drive a god-damned automobile.