Some Thoughts on an Unusually Warm Chirstmas Day...

Sooo I was completely wrong on Heroes. The season finale was an utter train wreck; an insult to the entire fan base, honestly. I wish I'd given up on it weeks ago like smarter people had. It seems as if the creators of the show take us, the fans, for slightly mentally challenged monkeys. They now shatter the laws of physics on a weekly basis, not to mention destroying any pretense of episodic continuity. The characters' motivations seems to change every episode and things just happen a little too conveniently. Ando gets some sort of amplifying power and combining his power with Daphne's, who runs really fast, he can time travel? What?! They did that in one of the Superman movies years ago...and it was bullshit then! How does he control it? How can they go forward and backwards?? I'm sure Einstein is rolling in his grave. The creators of Heroes owe us an apology for making us sit through that entire sub-par season for an absolutely atrocious season finale. You fuckers. That last episode was an affront to TV viewers everywhere. A season that started out with such promise turned into a heaping crap of bullshit in the matter of an hour. Will I watch the show when it starts up again in January? Yeah, probably...but it's on a short lease. Anything less than exceptionality and I'll be changing the channel. And for the love of god, whoever's making Heroes needs to wisen up and treat us like intelligent human beings. One more season finale like that and Tim Kring and company should be caned. I have low expectations for whatever they're gonna do next with the show, but hey, I'll still take it over Law and Order.

Joining Heroes on the 'list of things that have jumped the shark' would have to be, sadly, Chris Cornell. Look man, you went from combining metal and grunge in Soundgarden (only one of the most innovative and influential bands of the 90s), to forming super group Audioslave (which, though it never came out with that one 'great' album, was still a fairly decent listen), to carving out a fairly decent solo career for yourself, even getting to do the song for Casino Royale. Things were looking good. But then you decided you wanted to go mainstream or whatever. You know what, I'm fine with that. Do what you gotta do....but make sure the music stays good. If you keep the music good as you evolve, then I have no problem with whatever you're doing. Instead, Cornell's sold his soul to Timbaland to create what is, essentially, nothing more than an over-produced, run-of-the-mill pop album. Take a listen to Scream. It doesn't sound remotely like a rock album. The drum track sounds like something off an Alicia Keys record, the over-dubbing of vocals creates a glossy sound that ultimately sounds cheesy and artificial, and the distinct lack of any sort of guitar work signals the 'sold out!' alarm. Worse than that, the song's fucking boring! I love Cornell's voice. One of the best rock singers of all time (in my opinion) and Jesus Christ Pose has to be in my top ten song list. But what he's turned into is a shame. A waste of that awesome, metal snarl that was a big 'fuck you' to anything that resembled pop music. I'm all for having pop sensibilities; making your music more accessible to the mainstream (so to speak) public. Making a "rock" record produced by Timbaland though? Yeah, not working for me man. Timbaland's an awesome producer who makes some fantastic beats, but producing a rock record with someone who has a voice like yours? Not his thing. You should've stuck to what you know Chris. If you wanted to go commercial, well hey, I guess you succeeded. But don't expect us to ever, ever put you into the same category as an Eddie Vedder, Cobain or Billy Corgan. Your chance for that is now gone.

Just a thought on Plaxico Burress. Disregard the fact that he's retarded - if you need to take a gun into a club, well maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't be going into that club in the first place!! Forget that he put the gun into his waistband rather than some sort of holster. Don't even worry about him shooting himself - shit happens. What really bothers me is this Plaxico went to a club in his sweat pants. Who goes to a motherfucking club in their sweat pants??!! Are you shitting me? I'm of the firm opinion that guys should not go into public places in sweat pants unless 1) it's a sweat pants party, or 2) it's before 7 am and you're just going out to get coffee or breakfast. Any other time and you're telling the world 'i'm a lazy fuck who doesn't give a shit about his shoddy appearance.' Now, throw in the fact that Plax is not in just any public place, but he's in some sort of club. Not a supermarket or a Wawa.... a fucking club. Plus he's in New York, a city where people get dressed up to go to the corner and grab a newspaper. The rest of the story suggests that Plaxico is, by all accounts, an idiot, and if nothing else it's an amusing anecdote, but I can't forgive going into a club in sweat pants. That's just straight bullshit. Thank god you're on the Giants....

On TV and Snow

So as long-rumored, ABC canceled the fantastic Pushing Daisies. What a crock. They take off one of the smartest, wittiest, best written shows on television while they continue to broadcast putrid shit like Supernanny, The Bachelor, Desperate Housewives and Wife Swap. They get rid of a smart, creative, truly unique show while they continue to produce crap that simply attracts the lowest common denominator. What has happened to TV? I'm sure ABC will claim that Pushing Daisies' diminutive ratings simply didn't make up for it's production costs, but how can you expect to even draw an audience when you don't give the show a real chance to blossom? Pushing Daisies was just hitting it's stride, and now the show won't even be given the opportunity to finish it's second season. What the hell is that? Why even bother following and getting emotionally invested in a show if it could be canceled next week? There were few shows on TV as good as Pushing Daisies, and whether you followed the show or not, this is a sad day for television watchers everywhere.

Speaking of shows, I just started watching 30 Rock. I plowed though the first season in maybe a week and am in the middle of the second right now. I have no idea why I never watched this before. It has one of the best casts ever, never ceases to be hilarious, and is written by every guy's secret crush, Tina Fey. With it's quirky humor and numerous pop culture references, 30 Rock's quickly become must-watch TV for me. But throw aside the hilarity and the witty banter for a second. Disregard Tina Fey's fantastic portrayal of insecure head writer Liz Lemon and the horribly underrated Alec Baldwin's cocky but ultimately good hearted Jack Donaghy. The true shining star of 30 Rock can only be one character: Cerie. Played by the super attractive Katrina Bowden, Cerie's sole purpose on the show is to be hot. It is literally all she does. She is paraded around in a variety of skimpy outfits that both entice the imagination and help to skewer the superficial nature of television and Hollywood in general. And the thing is, as a character Cerie breaks the usual mold by being self-aware: she knows she is there simply for sex appeal and revels in the role. Like bacon on a cheeseburger, Cerie takes something that is already awesome and raises it to another level.

On a non-TV related note, we had our first real snowfall of the year in Philly a few days ago. Now normally I love snow. It just seems really pure and has a calming effect on me. I love waking up in the morning to see everything covered in a fresh blanket of snow. Driving in it however? That's a completely different fucking story. I don't get it. You get a little bit of snow and people forget how to drive. They drop their speed to 20 mph and brake seemingly every 50 feet. What the fuck? If this is some place in Texas where you're not gonna get snow...okay, I can understand that. But this is freaking Philadelphia! If you live here, chances are good that you've seen and driven in snow before!! So what gives? And the thing is, if people see rain, which for all intents and purposes would be much more dangerous to drive in, they go as fast as ever. It makes no sense. So a simple plea to not only the residents of Philly, but to everyone around the world: just cause it's snowing doesn't mean you have to forget how to drive. If you have a running car with working tires you'll be fine. So stop crawling around the highways like motherfucking snails. If you can't drive in snow then get off the road, cause snow won't be half as dangerous as me ramming your car off the god damned road if you don't push the pedal down and actually go somewhere close to the speed limit.

Thumbs Down to the IGN Babe Election

When I first saw that IGN was doing a tournament-style bracket to determine, in their words "the ultimate eye-candy," I was quite enthusiastic. I mean, what guy doesn't like ranking girls based on their looks? This would be fun!
IGN had amassed a pretty thorough list of hot girls to rank (though the omissions of Halle Berry, Adrianne Palicki, Anna Paquin and Mila Kunis are a bit disconcerting). For the most part, I can't argue with the results thus far. I wouldn't have had Megan Fox beat Keira Knightley, but it's understandable. I'm really just a sucker for Keira's accent. Scarlett beating Hayden and Petra Nemcova beating Jennifer Garner are close calls, but oh well, I can live with that. There was one result, though, that I simply could not digest.
Now I'm a big fan of the show Chuck. For the last 1+ season it's been a fun, fairly brainless show, an excellent lead-in to the drama filled hour that will be Heroes. Chuck has likable characters that were properly developed, an excellent supporting cast, and the right blend of action, humor, and romance to keep things interesting. That being said, I'd be lying if I said that the best part of the show was anything other than Yvonne Strahovski. I don't know why this girl doesn't get talked about more often; she is absolutely, completely, unequivocally smoking hot. Like ridiculously so. She may be the hottest blonde I have ever seen and I don't think there's a hotter girl on television right now. Yet, most people have never heard of her.
Seeing her in IGN's tournament thing, I had her pegged for my Final Four, and possibly winning the whole damn thing. She beat Olga Kurylenko in the first round (you should watch Hitman just to see Olga being ridiculously hot) as she should have, but then, she lost to Keeley Hazell in Round 2! the second round?! To Keeley Hazell??!! To Keeley fucking Hazell???!!! Who the fuck is that?? So a quick google search tells you that she's basically some whore from England that made a sex tape. So Yvonne, that shimmering goddess of all things that are good in this world, lost to a big-titted British version of Paris Hilton. You gotta be fucking kidding me. What a god damend joke. Now humanity as a whole has made some poor choices - we elected Bush to be our president, we like Nickelback, we still resist gay marriage - but this is unconsciable. To pick some whore with big boobs that has done absolutely nothing over an ultra attractive, talented actress on a great show.... well that pretty much speaks for itself. Men (and women) all over the world should be ashamed that this has come to pass. I take this as a personal affront. What has happened to us as a race when we're picking Keeley fucking Hazell over Yvonne Strahovski?? A sad day for humanity. And if I ever see this Keeley fucking hazell chick, I'm gonna push her in front of a bus.... or maybe just have her sign a copy of her DVD.

A burrito fueled thought...

A random thought I had as I went to grab a burrito at midnight in the rain:

If there were gunshots, wouldn't you want to run towards them? I mean, what are the odds of gunshots being fired in the same place on the same night? Rather low me thinks

A Note for the Slackers

If all your friends work too hard, there's a chance you're just lazy...

Stop Bitching About Heroes

I've been a big Heroes fan since the show started. A show that revolves around people with super powers and has a plethora of hot girls as regular cast members? Yeah, I'm in. The first season was also surprisingly good. Decent acting with great storytelling and lots of plot twists made for some good TV. Then came the second season which, for whatever reason, just kinda blew. I don't know if it was rushed, or not well thought out, or just severely affected by the writer's strike, but the season was an absolute struggle. The plot was convoluted at best, the character development was non-existent, and the script was horribly uninspired. Seems like the writers and creators rested on their laurels and kinda just mailed season 2 in. The writer's strike, then, seemingly came at a good time for the writers of Heroes. It allowed them to re-group their thoughts and start fresh with season 3.
I had big expectations for season 3, and I have to admit that they have totally been met. The first season was unpredictable and addictive TV, and season 3 has been the same. You have new characters, some surprises that one would have been hard-pressed to guess, and tons of plot swings and mysteries that make for compelling viewing. I was excited that Heroes was back up and flying again, and I figured that other people shared in my enjoyment of the show. I was semi-shocked to see that the season has not been regarded well. Producers are being fired, rating are down, and reviews in general have been negative. Okay, what the fuck gives? What's with all the hate?
Now I'll be the first to admit that the story has got a bit convoluted at points, and with all the character and time switches happening, if you miss one episode you're pretty much fucked. But that doesn't make it a bad show. Here's what I think's going on.

1) How people view Heroes

I go into Heroes the same way I would go into, say, an X-men comic book. You enter into a fantasy world where people die and come back to life on a fairly normal basis, where characters switch allegiances all the time, and where parallel realities and time travel are not really questioned. I believe that the quality of any movie or show will be determined by the expectations that a viewer has going into the medium, and I truly think that this has a lot to do with one's enjoyment of Heroes. If you watch Heroes with already suspended beliefs regarding physics and the idea that people can have super powers, that is if you watch Heroes placing your mind into a 'super hero universe', you will find the show utterly enjoyable. If you watch Heroes with the same mindset that you watch say Law and Order, you're not gonna enjoy Heroes. With a comic book/sci-fi show like Heroes you simply have to block reality from your mind for an hour or the show will lose all its magic.

2) We have no attention spans anymore

Heroes is one of those shows you have to pay specific attention to. If you miss one scene you could miss something pivotal and be completely lost. We're a fast-paced, multi-tasking society. I don't think anyone will argue that this has, to a certain degree, dumbed down our cognitive abilities to the point where we find it difficult to sit still and focus. I often find myself browsing the web or doing a crossword during the show, then there comes a point where I realize that if I don't start paying close attention I'm not gonna have a fucking clue what's going on. Yeah, I guess you could say it's almost a form of work at that point, but when you've invested that much time and thought into a show isn't it worth it to just sit down and really try to watch the damn thing?

Heroes isn't perfect....but what show is? It has an interesting premise, a decent plot, good actors, and sweet special effects. Not to mention the plethora of hot chicks on the show (yeah, giving Nikki two other sisters was a little too convenient, but I support anything that keeps Ali Larter on my television screen). I mean, what else do you really want from a show? The season only seems to be getting better and if anyone tells me they know where they're going with the storyline I'd call them a fucking liar. And I get that some people don't like what they're doing with the characters themselves, but the way I look at it, the show shouldn't be about the individual characters; the characters should serve to further the plot and the story. The show should be about the entire 'Heroes universe' so to speak. That's how they do it in comics - you kill a character if it helps the overall story - and that's the attitude they need to bring to Heroes. Yeah, I get that a lot of the cast have become big stars now, but you have to kill people sometimes. Clearly there'll be fan backlash, but if they're truly fans of the show they'll understand that it's for the better.
So stop bitching about Heroes. It's still better than the majority of drivel that's on TV right now and all things considered, I think the show is getting better. So how about we give the season a fucking chance instead of dismissing it for a variety of non-critical reasons? It's still fun, it's still exciting, and it's still entertaining as all hell. And besides, even if the show gets to an unwatchable point, at the very least we can stare longingly at the getting-hotter-every-day Hayden Panettiere running around in leather and high heels. Scrumptuous.

Thank God for Election Day

The build-up to the freaking election took fooooooorever. It seriously needed to end. I have a lot of faith that Obama has the ability to lead this country in a new direction, but if his people called or emailed me one more time I was ready to say 'fuck it' and go vote for McCain. I've been jaded by politics, not gonna lie. When I vote I tend to vote for the lesser of two evils. I refuse to believe that there are any completely honest politicians out there, even President Obama. Everyone has an agenda and a paper trail. You can't become president of the United States without scratching a few backs. It's a shame it's gotten to this point for me, and if I had to blame the one thing about politics that completely turns me off it's the constant negative attack ads and the derisive propaganda. Look, instead of telling me how bad your opponent is why don't you tell me your actual fucking policies? Are we, as voters, so stupid now that we no longer respond to what you actually plan to do? Evidently politicians truly believe that the only way they can get to us is by telling us how awful and bad for America their opponents are. And honestly, can we say that they are really wrong in believing this?

How many people voted based on the candidates actual policies? I'm sure tons of people voted for Obama or McCain simply based on their race. Others voted based simply on party affiliation. How many people actually know the differences between the issues presented by Obama and McCain? Neither one has given us anything concrete to contemplate. Both will 'fix the economy.' Each will 'end the war.' Um...is it too much for you to tell us how exactly?

Ultimately the choice of Palin back-fired on McCain. It was a risk, though, that he had to take. He knew he was behind Obama and he needed to make a radical push to get disillusioned women voters, ultra-conservatives that saw him as too liberal, and the un-decided voters. At first Palin created a hell of a buzz. A female vice-president?! Then....she opened her mouth. I don't know if it's possible to calculate how much damage the Katie Couric interview did to the Republican party. I'm fine with people being religious, but I take issue with anyone who takes the Bible that literally. If our vice-president truly believed that dinosaurs and humans walked at the same time - well I'm just not okay with that. It's preposterous, and Palin lost the confidence of any reasonable person. Throw in her ridiculous views on abortion (sorry you got raped - enjoy the baby!) and her complete lack of foreign experience (when did she get a passport? like 2 months ago?) and it was clear that she was barely qualified to cook me a hot dog let alone be in a high political position. Also, a presidential term takes a toll on the president. Look at Clinton and Bush before and after their terms ended. They look like they aged 25 years. McCain's already in his 70s. The odds of him surviving the daily stresses of his entire term were decidedly not good. And if he died in office that means Palin would've taken over. I don't fucking think so. If she took over as the leader of this country I would've moved to Europe.

Honestly, I really like John McCain as a person. If it was him against Hillary or him against Kerry, McCain probably would've gotten my support. What repuled me was when McCain basically sold his soul to the Christian right. I mean, he had to, but what about your ideals man? Politics is all about compromise but that's a bit much to me. Would you behave the same way in office? In exchange for Iran not bombing Israel we let them kill student protesters. I'm not cool with that. Members of the Christian right are no different than fundamental Muslims in my opinion, and I can't trust anyone that seems to be-friend them in exchange for favors. These are the same people that support blowing up abortion clinics and killing hundreds of innocent people in order to save lives. They're fucking hypocrites. We NEED to keep religion out of politics, and I'm not confident either McCain or Palin would've done so. That being said, McCain needs to be congratulated on his concession speech. It was beautifully delivered and heartfelt - the very thing that made McCain so popular in the first place, but a key facet of his personality that he seemed to lose as the race went on. McCain is an idealist and ultimately he was just not genuinely slimy enough to do what needed to be done to win the Republicans the presidency. It's hard not to respect McCain for all he's done. His campaign may have been a bit mis-guided but I don't think that's a true representation of him as a person. Obama has talked about unifying the red and blue states; well, giving McCain a post somewhere within your regime would be a great way to start.

With The Phillies winning the World Series a mere seven days ago, and Obama winning the presidency only 6 days later, I think it's safe to say I have a new found faith in the world. I never thought the I'd see the day Philly won a championship and I never figured America would be able to suppress their racist, fearful nature long enough to elect an African-American president. But they both succeeded. So good job Phillies, good job Obama, and good job America. I may tend to be cynical towards the American public - we're fat, spoiled, de-value education, take freedoms for granted, have some sort of bizarre fascination with violence - but they showed me yesterday. They did what I truly believe was best for this country. Racism is not dead but this is a huge step forward. As the older generations were dying off it was time for my generation to step forward and claim their rightful place on the throne of American politics, and we did not disappoint. Apathy be damned. This is our country now and fuck you if we're not having our say. This is a true paradigm shift, one which America sorely needed. So we embark on a new phase of American and world history, one that will place Barack Obama, an African-American, in the forefront. As evidenced by the late night gatherings in cities across the country, he means a lot to a ton of people, and I do not think he will disappoint us. The economy may be failing us, the polar ice caps may be melting, we may be engaged in who knows how many wars, but there's hope that we will survive all of that. For the first time in who knows how long, it's truly exciting to be an American.

This Changes Everything

Holy fucking shit. The Phillies did it. They actually did it. They won the god-damned World Series. 25 years of Philly sports futility gone. Just like that. Yeah, this post is about a week late, but I think I've finally calmed down enough to talk rationally about what happened. This wasn't just a normal sports championship. This was a championship for Philly. This, without any hyperbole, changes everything.
As much as I love Philly, I'll be the first to admit that we have an inferiority complex. We're jealous of all the attention that New york, Boston and DC get. Besides that, we hadn't won anything in a long time. A loooong time. Philly fans are decidedly NOT hopeful fans. We are cynical. We expect the worst...always. Something will go wrong. We know it. And in 25 years none of our teams have proven us wrong. And I hate to say it, but this lack of faith has extended to our personal lives. Whenever shit goes wrong for me I rationalize it with something like 'well of course that would happen.... I am a Philly fan.' Our bitterness had managed to purvey every aspect of our lives, casting a veritable gloom over this fine city. We had no hope. We were a city of losers. This was our destiny and we had accepted it. Did we enjoy always losing? Fuck no. But we were resigned to it. In Philly, losing wasn't just an option.... it was a way of life.
That all changed last Wednesday. The Phillies put an end to the drought, pushing away the pall the was suffocating the city. The joyous exuberance I beheld last Wednesday was nothing I have ever witnessed before. It was just truly fucking awesome. High-fiving everybody in site. Random strangers picking me up while I yelled like a fool. Everyone hooting and hollering. People running into the streets to high-five cabbies. Cars honking with their passengers hanging out of every window and sun roof and screaming like they were on a roller coaster. Grown men hugging each other. People literally dancing in the streets; jumping around like the rabid balls of emotion that they were. Then the whole crowd ran towards City Hall and congregated on Broad Street. It was revelry beyond explanation. A giant mass of people yelling their asses off, jumping up and down, and chanting "let's go Phillies!!" The amount of good vibes in the air was unfathomable. I'll never see my city more united. People with little in common all joined together by a singular happiness. Even as we left Broad Street and walked back to West Philly, the amount of people on the streets and the number of cars that would honk once they saw our Philies red was really fucking cool. Is there a better feeling then yelling in unison with people in a moving car as they go speeding by you?
If you're not from Philly it's hard to explain what this means to the city, what it means to the fans. I've been waiting for this moment for all of my life, and it's a feeling that I will have forever. For the record, I didn't cry, but everytime I hear Harry Kalas' final call I definitely get a bit misty-eyed. The true enormity of the Phils accomplishment didn't really hit me until yesterday. I turned on the flyers game and they were down 5-3 heading into the third. They ended up losing to the Oilers 5-4. But after the game, rather than yelling and cursing at the TV while I questioned the talent and sexuality of the team, I simply sat back on my couch, clapped my hands a couple times, and uttered 'it's alright...you'll get em next time.' That is most definitely not what you would expect from a Philly fan. The Phillies did more than give us a world title. In a city that expects the worst, in a time when shit seems to be going worse and worse, the Phillies did what no one else could.... they gave us hope.

So a thought on the celebrating that took place after we won:
While we were down at Borad Street everybody was cool for the most part. Yeah, you had some people on top of traffic signals and others jumping up and down on an awning, and a few people were tearing branches off trees and shit, but all things considered it was nothing too bad. Nothing compared to what was expected. When I got back home, however, I turned on the news and they were talking about the fires and destruction that had taken place pretty much exactly where I had been at. People broke into a luggage store and flipped cars. It's a shame that though the majority of people were well-behaved a few dumb asses will once again give Phily fans a bad name. And really, a luggage store? Not jewelery, or electronics, but....luggage? Only in Philly can we not even pillage a store correctly. Honestly though, the whole 'we won so let's destroy our city!' phenomenon has never made sense to me. I love this fucking city. If you didn't love it, why would you be rooting for the Phils in the first place? So after they win it, we're gonna tear our city down? Huh? How exactly does that make sense? If we wanna destroy Tampa, or Boston or New York, I can understand that. 'We won so suck it'. But why are we destroying our own city? Winning a championship should give you some pride in your city. It makes you wanna walk up to random people and go 'my city is better than yours motherfucker!!,' it shouldn't make you wanna tear your city down. So people, stop this bullshit. Think before you act. I'm all for celebrating til I collapse from exhaustion, but there's no need to burn, loot, and otherwise harm this great city.

Here's a few pictures from all the post-victory craziness:

Masses of People on Broad Street

Fans Celebrate in Front of City Hall

Guy on Top of a Traffic Light

On an Awning at Broad Street

On Game 5

Really god, really? The Phils are on the brink of winning their first World Series in 28 years, we have our ace on the mound, everything's primed and readied for the fans and this city to explode.... and the game gets suspended due to rain. I mean, c'mon. Granted, this is Philly, I never expected winning the title to be easy. If anything, it seems almost right that our first title in nearly a quarter century is marred by a torrential downpour. It's like god said 'fine, I'll give you the title you so crave, but I'm gonna take a little piss on you at the same time,' to which, of course, we all said 'drink a gallon of coffee and bring it on!.' It's hard to be mad at the weather. It is what it is. We can't control it. But so whom do I blame for the game yesterday? That's easy - Bud Selig.
Can we agree that Bud Selig is the worst commissioner in sports? You have the tied all-star game, the all-star game itself counting for home field advantage in the World Series, the over-expansion of baseball to cities that can't possibly support a team, the 1994 strike that canceled the World Series and might have destroyed baseball as we know it in Montreal, and now we have the farce of a game that was game 5 of the 2008 World Series. We knew hard rains were coming in yesterday night. Every meteorologist said as much. And with the World Series games starting later and later we knew we were gonna run into inclement weather. So the wise decision might've been to just postpone the game to a different day. But they start the game....so be it; but at the very least, you need to know when to stop play. At the point where Jimmy Rollins, an amazingly sure-handed shortstop that won a gold glove last year, is unable to catch a routine pop-up cause at the last minute it gets blown ten feet in front of him..... well, it might be time to stop the game. Might be time to stop it then, not two innings later, after the Rays have tied the score and the field resembles a water park more than it does a baseball diamond. What kind of bullshit is that? Worked out pretty well for you, didn't it Bud, suspending a tied game? Allows you to stear clear of criticism. You're a wily prick Bud. The Phillies waste a game from their ace pitcher Cole Hamels and now the Rays have renewed life and energy. That should've been our night. It's not hard to know when a game is unplayable. Selig, you need to cut the bullshit and stop trying to save your slimy ass and put the integrity of the game ahead of everything else. Bud, you're an asshole of a commissioner. You should be ashamed of yourself. If the Phillies go on to lose this game and lose this series, I blame you Bud. There will be blood on your hands. And no matter, win or lose, just know that you're not welcome in this town. We prefer that our sport commissioners actually be somewhat intelligent rather than an egotistical jackass. Plus, I mean, we can't blame god, right? And fas as baseball goes Bud, you seem to think you're the next best thing....

The Best Sports Weekend Ever?

Let's look at the past weekend for a Philly fan (specifically me):

My alma mater, Penn, beats Yale 9 -7 to continue their un-beaten run in the Ivy League.

The Flyers, who hadn't won a game all season, beat the hated New Jersey Devils in an home-and-home series. Not only does this get the struggling Flyers back on track, but it also hurts the Devils. Well done guys.

Penn State, who you kinda have to root for if you're born in Pennsylvania (not to mention the fact that Penn isn't bowl eligible), beat a tough Ohio State team to remain undefeated and give themselves an excellent chance of playing for the national title.

The Eagles, coming off of a bye, beat a pretty good Atlanta Falcons team 27 - 14 to move above .500 and back into the thick of things in the NFC East. Couple that with the return of Brian Westbrook, who ran for a pair of TDs and a career high 167 yards, and Eagles fans have something positive to look forward to.

Lastly, the Phillies beat Tampa Bay in games 3 and 4 of the World Series to move within one win of bringing Philly it's first championship in my lifetime. Game 3 was one of the most unforgettable games of my life, and game 4 was a slaughter with Ryan Howard hitting home runs and even Joe Blanton (our freaking pticher!) hitting one. That sets us up perfectly for Cole Hamels to pitch the clinching game tonight.

So Penn, PSU, the Flyers, the Eagles, and the Phillies all win all their games this weekend. Best sports weekend of my life? I think that's a resounding yes.

Reaction to Game 3

Game 3 of the World Series was one of the most exciting baseball games I have ever seen. Ever. I don't care if you're not a Phillies fan or a Rays fan. I don't care if you're not a baseball fan. If you're a sports fan you NEED to be watching this World Series. Game 3 had pretty much anything you could want from a baseball game. You had the ageless wonder 45-year old Jamie Moyer pitching his heart out; Chase Utley and Ryan Howard, two of the most exciting players in the game, hit back-to-back home runs; BJ Upton impressed all of the baseball watching public with both his speed and his glove; the young Rays team managed to come back and tie the game against a previosuly un-hittable Philles bullpen with the help of an error from the normally sure-handed Carlos Ruiz; the Phillies getting a runner to third with no outs in the bottom of the ninth, and a wild pitch, an error, and two intentional walks later, winning the game against a five-man infield with an infield single by the slow-as-all-hell Carlos Ruiz. I mean, words can't express the range of emotions that was felt by every Rays and Philies fan as the game progressed. As soon as it ended we all leapt around like it was the middle of a Slayer mosh-pit. Just one hell of a game. It possibly gave me seven heart attacks and a torn meniscus from jumping up and down after we won.... but still a hell of a game.
I had the pleasure of watching the game at a friend's place in South Philly. As soon as the game was over, at approximately quarter to 2 in the freaking morning, we walked a few blocks to get a cheesesteak from Genos (actually prefer Pats personally, but whatever), and the crowd was just amazing. Everyone decked out in their Phillies gear whooping and hollering like a bunch of rabid monkeys - it was fucking awesome. Don't think I've ever been more proud to be in Philly. People seem to underestimate the ability of sports to galvanize a city. I saw people of every creed and color out there celebrating the Phillies victory together. Just a really cool site to behold and one that actually makes me have some faith in humanity. Thank god I'm not still in Texas. It's always more fun to be cheering on your team with your own kinfolk. So thanks Phillies. For a hell of a game and a hell of a night. Two more games and we got the World Series title..... and then this city can really explode.

An Apology to the Flyers

Philly'a good hockey town and I've always been a big hockey fan. I look forward to the Flyers hitting the ice every October. A lot of people will criticize hockey as being unnecessarily violent or too low scoring, but I'd wager that those people are rather new to the sport of hockey. The fights are a way of self-policing that prevents players from taking cheap shots against the other team's more skilled players, and with the influx of superbly talented players and a change in rules the league is much more high-scoring than it used to be. Hockey would be the hardest sport for me to play. I can barely do anything on ice and I can't imagine running around and swinging a stick while a 6'3 barrel of rage is skating as hard as he can straight at you with the intent of slamming your body into the nearest wall. It's just not gonna happen. The hand-eye coordination of hockey players and the graceful way that they move around the ice is something to behold. I love the sound of metal on ice. And there's nothing more raucous than a Philly hockey crowd. The beginning of hockey season is the true sign that summer has ended and fall has begun, and there could be no more welcoming colors than the orange and black. All that being said, I owe the Flyers an apology.
I've watched maybe two periods of hockey so far. I could make a variety of excuses, but the simple truth is that the Phillies are over-shadowing the Flyers right now. Sorry Flyers, I don't mean to ignore you... but we're in the fucking World Series! That happens like once a generation in this town. I'm emotionally invested in the Phils and Eagles right now, and that leaves me little to offer the Flyers. These are unusual circumstances. By the time the Flyers kick their season off, Philly baseball has usually been dead for a while. But this year was different. I simply wasn't ready. Yeah I know, the Flyers were really damn good last year and look to be a pretty sweet team this year (though their failure to get a win in their first five games doesn't add much confidence to that statement), and I'm sure I'll jump back on the train once the World Series is over, but for now hockey's gonna have to take a backseat. So keep on going Flyers. With any luck, it'll be you guys that I'm watching in June and the Phillies that I'm ignoring. The sports world can be a cruel mistress. It's okay to be jealous, normal even. But no worries, I'm not really cheating - more just playing the field. Your place on the sports back-burner is only momentarily. Come October 30th you'll have me all to yourself... well you guys and the Eagles.... um, and the Sixers...

9 things that NEED to end

1) Anybody playing/liking/acknowledging Aerosmith's I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

What a completely terrible, awful, god forsaken, no good song. I'm saying this right now: anyone who likes this song knows shit about music. If you take the tongue-in-cheek sexually fused lyrics and blues-y guitar driven music of old-school Aerosmith and take a giant crap on it, light it on fire, throw on more fuel, then piss on the whole flaming mess to put the fire out... you'd get this atrocious music. Early Aerosmith was experimental and influenced countless numbers of young Americans to pick up a guitar. Steven Tyler's voice was truly something to behold (I dare you to listen to Dream On without getting chills). I Don't Wannt Miss A Thing is trite and boring. The lyrics are uninspired and I'm not sure that there actually are any guitars involved in the song. The piece of shit sucks. It just plain fucking sucks. The sad part is that despite playing some absolutely kick-ass songs for over 25 years, the majority of music fans under 30 primarily know Aerosmith for making "that song from Armageddon". I'm not linking to I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing. If you really want to hear the horrendous piece of pop mediocrity for yourself, go for it. I for one refuse to admit that one of the best American bands ever had anything to do with the making of this song. So please, can we just stop playing this giant turd of a song and use one of those mind-wiping devices from Men in Black to erase all memories of this terrible piece of shit ever existing? Cool, thanks,

Side note: I know there's a lot of people who like this song. Now, I'm not saying that you should be shot. What I am saying is this: don't ever say you have any taste in music. Don't ever claim to have any discernible musical knowledge. Cause if you like this song, then you don't. Case closed.

2) Heelys/Crocs

What the fuck's wrong with sneakers or flip-flops? Crocs are the dumbest things ever. What's the damned point of an ugly, bright neon shoe-type object with holes in it? And Heelys are even worse. Who hasn't been cut-off by some five year old punk kid wearing a pair of these obnoxious fucks? What happened to walking? As a society do we now need wheels on our fucking shoes just to get around?? And they wonder why kids are fat! I'm waiting for the first Heelys related death. It'll probably be from me... when I'm walking down a sidewalk and push a stupid kid wearing a pair of those things into an oncoming bus. Maybe next time get something with rockets you little turd!

3) Preppy Clothing

If you live anywhere that has perceived "trendy" people with expendable money (a high end mall, any ivy league campus, California) you know exactly what i'm talking about. You have guys walking around in shorts, sandals, polos and aviators, and girls in uggs and, of course, aviators. Now, it's not the clothes and accessories themselves that piss me off (granted, I do wanna jab a stick into the eye of anybody wearing aviators -why in the name of fuck do you need a pair of novelty, over-sized sunglasses?), it's the fact that you have all these people wearing the same fucking thing. Sure, they may be from different stores, but all the shit looks the same. When did originality become a bad thing? Is creativity as we know it dead? You wear that preppy shit and what you're basically telling me is 'you really wanna fit in.' There's no other reason to wear clothes like that. None at all. You simply wanna be part of the "popular" crowd. If that's what they want, then I guess so be it, but for once, it'd be nice to see people try and be different. For once I'd like to see the mice try and actually escape the maze rather than simply going for the cheese.

4) Kidrock

Kidrock fucking sucks. Always has, always will. How he has succeeded with so little talent is beyond my comprehension. Kid's made terrible music before, but he took it to another level with All Summer Long. That awful excuse for music is a disgrace to both Lynyrd Skynyrd and Warren Zevon. Show some respect you pretentious asshole and stop making fucking horrible music. I hope you get syphillis and your dick falls off.

5) Seether/Nickelback/Puddle of Mudd/ and all those other stupid bands

I can't tell any of these fucking 'new rock' bands apart. They all make the same crappy music. There's whiny ass lyrics, un-original song structure, and average guitar work. They all look the same and use the same guitar chords. They're all the same god damned fucking band! Nothing about them screams 'originality' or 'groundbreaking.' Sadly, this is probably exactly what many of the record companies want. The music-buying public likes what they know; creativity doesn't sell. But seriously, listen to this or this or this or this. Can anybody actually tell these bands apart? They're all carbon copies of each other. This is bullshit. I have a feeling Hendrix, arguably one of the greatest guitarists of all time, wouldn't even be able to get a record contract today. Look, every decade has it's share of shitty music (not counting the ever-present scourge on the musical landscape that is pop music). The early 60s had a lot of cheesy bubble-gum rock bands that basically tried to replicate "I Wanna Hold Your Hand," but you could at least say that these songs made you happy on a rainy day. By the 70s we had disco, a repetitive, conformist music that could make the devil himself repent - but at least when you were strung out on coke that shit could be fun to dance to. In the 80s we were blessed with the putrid display of hedonism and testosterone that was hair metal. Again though, we can find the silver lining in the fact that no one actually took hair metal seriously, plus who doesn't like to get bombed and sing along to "Cherry Pie?" But you listen to the 'modern rock' that's being played on the radio now-a-days, and what exactly does that bring to the table? It's not happy, it's not danceable, and you sure as hell don't wanna go around singing their lyrics. If anything, the music makes me wanna chug a fifth of scotch and take five vicodins. It's just awful, terrible music that has no good qualities. If there's a god it will certainly end soon.

6) Intolerance

Let me start by acknowledging that I have friends of every race/gender/religion/belief/sexual orientation. I'm extremely accepting of whatever people are. I mean, that's who they are. You can't change that. So intolerance in general just boggles my mind. I honestly can't comprehend how you could truly hate someone because of their skin color. There has to be some sort of psychological disconnect within the 'haters' minds that a psychiatrist is gonna need to explain to me. It literally boggles my mind. This is two-thousand and fucking eight! We are educated enough that any sort of intolerance should not be prevalent in society. I mean, we can send people to the moon, we can clone fucking sheep, we can make satellites that look down on us from up in the sky, we can make beef jerky - but yet we still see people killing each other just cause one group might have a different facial structure. What the fuck??! I'm sure there's many people that have never had any issue with discrimination. Well, you've been extremely lucky and, more likely than not, have led an extremely sheltered life. If you're gay and in the deep south, a black guy in an upscale white neighborhood, a white guy walking through an inner city, a non-native American in Gallup - well then, you know all about being discriminated against.
It's safe to say that by and large we have a sort of tiered version of discrimination in this country. Don Imus makes disparaging remarks about blacks, and he's back to work a year later. Mel Gibson makes disparaging remarks about Jews when he's drunk as balls and his career's pretty much hit the shitter. An Oklahoma legislator bashes gays, and it barely even registers on the national radar (seriously, check out this youtube video of her.) So basically what you can gather from this is that disparaging jews is greatly frowned upon, putting down African-Americans is bad, but I guess everybody does it so we'll forgive you if you stay out of the limelight for a year or so, and if you wanna bash gays, well fuck all, have at it! What the hell is that bullshit? Why is homophobia tolerated while other forms of discrimination are villafied? How does two chicks rubbing tacos together really affect anybody's life? It doesn't ! I don't understand people sometimes (okay, most of the time), and as long as there is hate in this world my opinion of humanity will not be very high.

7) Naked Old People

So I'm sure most people have had this scenario occur: you just finished working out, and you're back in the locker room, tying your shoes, ready to leave the place, when walking down the row of lockers is this old dude, butt-ass naked, his balls bouncing around like two wrinkly coconuts blowing in a strong wind. You quickly look away - but it's too late. That image is ingrained into your head.
If that's happened to you, I share your pain.
I don't quite understand what happens to people's brains when they become old. Is all sense of shame just lost? I mean, I would not be okay just walking around a gym naked, giving everybody full-frontal views of my junk. So what the fuck old people? Is it that hard to grab a freaking towel? No one wants to see your shriveled-up shit. And to the old guy that weighs himself naked... fuck you! That is in no way whatsoever necessary. If I wanted to see old people naked I'd find it on the internet. I don't wanna see that in the locker room. I don't give a damn if you are old and senile - if you're able to work out, then you're more than capable of wrapping a fucking towel around your waist.

8) High School Musical

What is this thing? How did this become a huge fucking national phenomenon? The first time I saw that trailer I thought it was one of those stupid spoof movies. I mean, I remember being a kid. I loved the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon.... but we watched good shit. We had Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Clarissa Explains it All, and Saved by The Bell growing up. That was some quality television. But kids today watch this High School Musical bullshit? What the fuck's happened to TV? This is beyond retarded. Whenever I have kids, they're being raised on The A-Team. Mr. T can kick Zac Efron's pansy ass any day of the week. I've never seen a second of this thing, nor do I know anyone who has, but I've been bombarded with god-damned commercials for this awful looking crapfest of a movie for weeks. Enough. If I see one more ad for High School Musical in the middle of a football game I will personally fuck up Ashley Tisdale's nose all over again.

Side note: the only reason for any male to see this movie is for Vanessa Hudgens. I would do some terrible things to her

9) The Fact That I Haven't Seen the Kim kardashian Sex Tape

Holy shit! I just heard she had a sex tape. How did no one tell me about this??! Kim kardashian's a babe. This has the possibility to be the second best celebrity sex tape of all time (although in Kim's case I use the term celebrity very loosely). Obviously she's not gonna top the Pamela Anderson - Tommy Lee sex tape, but after that there's a severe drop-off. There's the infamous Paris Hilton tape, which really isn't all that exciting - the night vision does nothing for me. Not all that interested in seeing Colin Farrell naked. Don't think anyone wants to see the Dustin Diamond sex tape. So the number two spot is ripe for the picking.

Side note: this all changes if the Britney sex tape is real. That would easily catapult into the number one spot. I've never paid for porn before, but that could certainly change if Ms. Spears were involved.

A Change in Color

For as long as I can remember, Philadelphia has been a football town. Yeah, we cared about the Phillies, Flyers, and Sixers, but this place lived and died with the Eagles. The vicissitudes of the football season would directly influence the happiness level of an entire city, changing each week with a win or, heaven forbid, a loss. It sounds trite, but this city truly did bleed green.... emphasis on the word did. With the Phillies on the brink of playing for their second World Series in my lifetime, it seems that a sea change is on the horizon in the city of brotherly love.
After their ridiculous win yesterday, the Phillies are up on the Dodgers 3 games to 1. Despite a history of epic meltdowns, I'm confident we'll beat LA and reach the World Series (knock on wood). Once we make it there, the Phils have an excellent chance of beating either the Red Sox or the Rays. If that happens.... this city will explode. I mean FUCKING EXPLODE. There's god odds there will be rioting... which, honestly, I'm kind of fine with. It's been 25 god-damned, long as fuck, cursed to hell years since Philly's won anything, and all the spent up emotion and frustration will release itself like a typhoon. Now, whether the Phils ultimately win the World Series or not, the change of tide could already be in affect - instead of McNabb jerseys, we'll be seeing Utley, instead of Westbrook, we'll have Howard, instead of Dawkins, we'll see Hamels. The Eagles players that have defined the team over the last ten years are starting to get old. Dawkins is 35 and is no longer the force he once was; Akers can't seem to make a field goal over 40 yards and I'd be surprised if this wasn't his final year in an Eagles uniform; and McNabb's seemingly ever-threatened role as Eagles quarterback could finally come to an end after this season if the team can't find a way to win the Super Bowl. Many of the Phillies players are hitting the primes of their careers, and with an absolute stud of a pitcher in Hamels and a killer closer in Lidge, the Phils could be a team to contend with for the forseeable future (I only see short distances).
Philly fans can only take so much heartbreak and fuck-ups, and since andy Reid came to town, no team has brought us more of both than the birds. Sure the Eagles got to 4 NFC title games.... but they then proceeded to lose three of them (two of which, I'll still argue, where the Eagles were the better team). Then they get to the Super Bowl, keep it close, give us hope.... only to run the shittiest two-minute drill in the history of the Super Bowl. Compound that with Reid's refusal to run despite having one of the best offensive lines and running backs in the game, and the constant lack of a big game wide receiver (Terrell Owens notwithstanding), and I think it's safe to say that we've just about given up on the Eagles winning anything with the team as it's currently constituted. I love the Eagles....but you can only hurt me so much until I have to say 'enough already.' It seems that the Age of the Phillies is ready to rise. The Phils are primed and ready to reach the world series, and this current squad has brought us only joy rather than heartbreak. Game five's tomorrow, and you can be sure I'll be wearing my Phillies cap and my Utley jersey. Bleed red Philly, bleed red.

Baseball Playoffs

The baseball playoffs start today, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited. The Phillies made the playoffs last year, but this season's different; we're hungrier, more experienced, have a more talented bullpen and bench, and are just a better put together team. Plus, as opposed to last year when we faced the Rockies, we're the hot team entering this post-season. I have high expectations for this Phillies team.
Anyways, here are my predictions for the first round of the MLB playoffs:

Chicago vs. Tampa Bay:

Do the White Sox actually have any pitching? We know they can hit, but with Griffey and Thome they're an older team. Tampa Bay has been good all year, but they have no playoff experience, which can't be taken for granted. Tampa might not make it to the World Series, but they shouldn't have too much trouble beating what has to be an emotionally spent White Sox team.

Tampa Bay wins 3 - 1

Boston vs. Los Angeles:

This is going to be an awesome series. The Angels are absolutely stacked with pitching, having Saunders, Lackey, Santana and K-Rod. On the other side, the Sox have an awesome line-up with Ortiz, Pedroia, Youkilis and the piece of utter crap that is J.D. Drew. The difference in the series will be that the Sox also have great pitching with Matsuzaka, Lester, Papelbon and the unbelievably clutch Josh Beckett. The Angels have Vladamir, Mark Teixeira, and the ever-aging Garret Anderson, but I have my doubts that players like Kendrick and Figgins will be able to sufficiently set the table.

Boston wins 3 - 2


Chicago vs. Los Angeles

So the Dodgers head into the playoffs smoking hot, but can you name anyone on their team aside from Manny Ramirez? James Loney leads LA in RBIs. Who?... exactly. Billingsley's a good pitcher, and you never want to count out Derek Lowe or Greg Maddux, but how exactly is this team going to take out the Cubs? With Soriano, Ramirez, Lee and Theriot, the Cubs have a pretty scary offense; plus Zambrano, Lilly, Dempster (when the fuck did he become good??), and Wood give them a formidable set of pitchers. It's possible that the Dodgers young players like Kemp and Martin might explode when they reach the playoffs, but I think that's a stretch.

Chicago wins 3 - 1


Philadelphia vs. Milwaukee

The Phillies are coming in on a roll and full of confidence. Howard, Utley, Rollins, and Burrell create an imposing lineup, and Brad Lidge hasn't blown a save all year. What worries me is the tendency for the Phils offense to go limp at certain times. But since September started, Ryan Howard has been hitting everything, and when he's going strong there's very little opposing pitchers can do to slow him down. Milwaukee fought hard to get into the playoffs, (and I was totally cheering for them over the New York - suck it Mets fans!) but I just can't see them having enough offense or pitching to beat the Phillies. Aside from Sabathia, none of their pitchers put the fear of god in me, and do they really have anyone that can drive in a run other than Braun or the fat fuck that is Prince Fielder? I'm happy that the Brewers made the playoffs... and happier that we shouldn't have too much trouble with them.

Philadelphia wins 3 - 1

On a related note, the NL MVP debate seems to be between Ryan Howard and Albert Pujols. If the Cardinals managed to get in the playoffs obviously it would be an easy choice, but with them missing, and Ryan Howard having an incredible September, as usual, many are contemplating a choice between the two first basemen. Let me just say that I love Ryan Howard. He goes great with this city and he always seems to get a big hit when we need one (I hate to make the David Ortiz comparison, but it's right there for the taking). He's one of my favorite players to watch bat and I never change the channel if he's up. Howard led the league in home runs and RBIs and we don't come close to the playoffs without him. That being said, I think Pujols should win the MVP award.
Compare Howard to Pujols. Pujols batted over 100 points higher than Howard while striking out 150 times less. That is freaking insane. Then you have to take into account the face that Pujols is an excellent defender while Howard led NL first basemen in errors comitted. It's intrinsically unfair to penalize Pujols for having an inferior team around him. I'm sure the fact that the Phils have won the last two MVP awards (Howard in 2006 and Rollins in 2007) is affecting my decision to go with Pujols, but the stats really speak for themselves. I would never get rid of Ryan in a million years, but as far as the MVP award goes, do the right thing voters and give it to Pujols.

Palin's a Psycho Bitch

I can't claim to be the most informed as far as politics go, but it's hard not to get involved for an election that seems to be as vital as the upcoming one. I'm not really a Democrat or a Republican. While socially I definitely lean towards the Democrats, economically I tend to be more conservative. That being said, the social changes that could possibly be enacted by the incoming presidency seem more important to me that any of the economic policies that will be put into place. Even though I wouldn't have voted for John McCain, I at least respected him. He used to be fairly progressive and always seemed to be genuine and honest (well, as honest as a politician can actually be). Then came his campaign for the coming election. Once McCain realized he couldn't get elected on crazy concepts like "ideals" he sold his soul to the lobbyists and the religious right. Honestly, McCain at least had my respect until he brought the religious right onto his side. One of my main problems with Bush (one of many) is that he destroyed any notion of separation of church and state, and now McCain wants to do the same exact thing. But the final straw, the one that turned me vehemently against the McCain campaign, was when he named as his running mate, of all people, Sarah f'ing Palin.
Like most people I'd never heard of her before, but honestly, has anyone listened to her talk? I wouldn't trust her to make me a sandwich let alone to be a heart beat away from running this country. She's an ultra-conservative, evolution denying mayor from a small Alaskan town that potentially believes that man and dinosaur, at one point, walked together. Her interview with Katie Couric is now infamous, and if you haven't seen it, it's totally worth a look. The entire interview is horribly troubling. Here's a lady that believes that 'living close to Russia' gives her foreign policy experience. As much as she got skewered by the awesome Tina Fey on SNL, the sad thing is that her parody of Palin was more or less a paraphrase of what Palin actually said. Can I just say, that is definitively NOT a good thing. When you lampoon a candidate by using her exact words that is a clear sign that said candidate should not be let into office.
I don't know how anyone could ever support Palin. She is freaking psychotic. She opposes abortion at all times (which includes cases of rape), she hates the environment, and can we just be honest that she'll set back female progress in the political field to some time in the 1950s. Now, I found Hillary Clinton to be an icy, manipulative bitch that would try and win at all costs, but never once did I doubt her intelligence; with Palin, who so far has given us nothing but rhetoric and lies, I wonder if she could get out of the tenth grade. While we're being honest, let's be clear on why she's in this position in the first place: she's female and not terrible looking. With those glasses and the business suits she has that whole stripper thing going on. Politically speaking, she's a wise choice by McCain's people: she'll get the uber-conservative votes that McCain simply could not reach, she'll get the voters who will vote for a candidate simply because she's female, and she'll reach the racist stoners that wouldn't vote for Obama cause he's black and would probably be too apathetic and lazy to get up and move from McCain. So I'll give McCain that, she does have the ability to get votes from several demographics he could not hope to reach as an older white male, but that aside, does anybody seriously expect her to be able to do even a semi-decent job if, heaven forbid, she actually reaches office? How is she different from any of the theocratic leaders in many of the countries that we consider our 'enemies'? If someone can tell me how a conservative heardliner with little-to-no experience and 18th century ideals would be good for this country I would be eternally grateful. Otherwise, when she gets elected and does nothing but pander to the social conservatives and brings us back to a 1930s era aesthetic, don't say I didn't tell you. Honestly, if you're female, and you believe in female rights and dignity, you HAVE TO vote for Obama. I'm by no means a feminist supporter (frankly, feminists piss me off), but Palin will take women's rights and place them somewhere close to John Winthrop. She's underqualified and simply unfit to have any leadership position within this country. With her fundamental views, I have a feeling that Sarah Palin would be a lot more comfortable in another country.... maybe she could try Saudi Arabia? Seems to me she'd fit in pretty well over there.... and at the very least she'd be the fuck out of America.

I've been lazy

Damn, I haven't posted in ages. Well, between settling down to Philly, looking for a job, getting a cat, and visiting people I haven't seen in what feels like forever, I've been a bit pre-occupied. But let's be honest - I spent the majority of my time watching the olympics. I will pretty much watch sports anytime, anywhere, and for me the olympics kind of are the acme of all sporting events. You had 200 some countries taking part, the majority of which knew they had no realistic shot of winning any medal at all. But still, they competed and literally gave everything they had. There's too many feel good olympic stories for me to reiterate (and besides, you've probably been enundated by them to the point of nausea). There really is just something totally cool about seeing people work all their lives for one moment and then getting to watch them finally achieve what they've been working towards. And there's nothing as absolutely gut-wrenching as watching somebody mess up and fail.
To that point, I was disappointed with the commentators NBC had at the games. They were mean-spirited and were clearly just trying to get their interview subjects to go off, thus increasing the profile of the interviewer. The worst, for me, was Andrea Kremer interviewing Alicia Sacramone after she'd fallen during her floor exercise routine. Obviously the girl felt terrible. I mean, I can't imagine how much time and effort gymnasts must put into their craft. They not only sacrifice any semblance of a normal childhood, but they purposely stunt their growth. No one can tell me that gymnasts are totally healthy. 1) Alicia felt terrible after she fell and 2) it wouldn't have mattered as the Chinese were pretty much guaranteed a gold medal at that point. So what does Andrea do? She basically rips into Alicia, blatantly trying to make her cry and pretty much implying that Alicia had 'let her team down.' Give me a fucking break. That's bullshit. The girl's only 20. And she's not a multi-millionaire NBA player. Give her a freaking break. Shit, give her a hug. She left it all out there and shit just didn't go right. But don't lambast the poor girl. Nor was that the only complaints I could levy towards the American broadcasters. When the one American hurdler got tripped up and was distraught, rather than let her have some reprieve when she was bawling, the cameras decided it'd be better tv to follow her. Classy, NBC. And when the one American sprinter ran out of his lane and was disqualified, rather than console him, whatever dumbass was interviewing him just tried to egg him on and get him to explode on tv. That's bullshit. You know any athlete is gonna be emotional after they just competed in the olympic games, how about we let them be and try act like dignified broadcasters? I don't think anyone really got a thrill out of seeing a 16 year old gymnast come close to tears.

Also, I'm not sure of the name of the one guy who was doing the commentary for gymnastics, but he was fucking obnoxious. I think it was Tim, or Tom or something like that. Whatever it is, he fucking blows.

I'm fairly positive that Waterworld is actually based off of Phelps. I made it a point to watch all of his races and I gotta say, I never realized swimming could be that exciting. That was awesome.

Congrats to the US men's basketball team. They brought back the gold to us. People kept writing that the awfully named "Redeem Team" aren't as dominant as the original Dream Team - no fucking shit. No team will ever be that good. And it's time to admit, once and for all, that the rest of the world has caught up. I mean, if Manu and Nocioni are healthy during the gold medal game, and if Pepe Sanchez and Walter Hermann decided to take part in the olympics, who's to say what could have happened? But as it is, America is once atop the basketball world, where it belongs.

The best part of the olympics has to be watching all the random sports: trampoline, handball, water polo, white water rafting, crew. I loved them all. Olympics, I will miss thee. Especially now that I have nothing to do during the day...

A Simple Goal

One day I want to go to a pro-life rally holding a sign that says "I don't believe in condoms.... I believe in hangers." I figure that would be entertaining at least...

Thoughts after Driving 1,500 Miles

I've been drivin' all night, my hand's wet on the wheel
There's a voice in my head that drives my heel
It's my baby callin', says I need you here
And it's half past four and I'm shifting gear

When she's lonely and the longing gets too much
She sends a cable comin' in from above
We don't need no phone at all
We've got a thing that's called radar love
We've got a wave in the air, radar love

The radio's playing some forgotten song
Brenda Lee's "Coming on Strong"
The road's got me hypnotized
And I'm speeding into a new sunrise

When I get lonely, and I'm sure I've had enough
She sends her comfort, comin' in from above
Don't need no radio at all
We've got a thing that's called radar love
We’ve got a line in the sky, radar love

No more speed, I'm almost there
Gotta keep cool now, gotta take care
Last car to pass, here I go
And the line of cars drove down real slow

And the radio played that forgotten song
Brenda Lee's "Coming on Strong"
And the newsman sang his same song
One more radar lover's gone

Golden Earring - Radar Love

Look people, if you're not gonna drive fast then get the fuck out of the fast lane. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to be going 60 and slowing everybody down. Total bullshit.

Louisiana, how about fixing some of your roads? Thanks.

This is what greets you as you enter Mississippi. Um that sure as all hell isn't anything like coming home. In fact, if Mississippi reminded me of my home I'd drive straight off of a cliff.

So I ran into two Philadelphia's before reaching the real Philadelphia (ie the one in Pennsylvania). There's a Philadelphia, Mississippi, which is "most noted for the racial violence, murders, and other civil rights violations that occurred in the mid 1960s," and a Philadelphia, Tennessee. I for one take umbrage at this. Can't Philly copyright it's name or something? I don't know if I want people associating my fair city with these two places (no offense to Tennessee.... um, much offense to Mississippi). Like what if a European tourist wants to visit Philly (you may be asking yourself, 'why would he want to visit Philly in the first place?', but just bear with me here) and somehow fly's into Mississippi? That would be a tragedy of epic proportions. He would no doubt get the fuck out of there as fast as he could and he'd quickly tell his other Euro friends about the shit-hole that is Philadelphia. They'd talk amongst themselves and quickly come to the conclusion that any country that could possibly have had Philadelphia, Mississippi as it's national capital is clearly not worth visiting or supporting, and hence America's standing in the world would rapidly decling leaving us isolated on the global political landscape. So as you can see, enacting my 'One Philadelphia' policy is really for the greater good of the nation.

Call me old-fashioned, but I like to listen to the radio when I'm driving. CD's and Ipod's are good and all, but they just don't have that quality you get from listening to the radio while you're driving. There's nothing quite like that moment when you're cruising along with the radio turned on, and suddenly that one song comes on the radio. It's like coming upon a secret buried treasure. This happened to me on my little jouney from Houston. It was getting late in the night and I was tired from driving all day. I had just entered the Pennsylvania border and could feel my eyes getting heavy, when suddenly "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden came on. I fucking LOVE this song. I immediately turned the volume knob to an ear-damaging level and sang along as loud as I could. That one song jacked me up more than any amount of red bull could and got me through the rest of my drive. Only through the magic of radio.

5 Songs I Heard the Most on My Drive

1) - Lolli by 3 6 Mafia - What does 3 6 Mafia even mean?

2) Dangerous by Kardinal Offishal - Why must rappers butcher the English language with their horribly spelled names?

3) Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis - She sounds like a Mariah Carey rip-off to me... and I never much cared for Mariah Carey

4) Shake It - by Metro Station - Fuck, that song is WAY too catchy

5) Forever by Chris Brown - Gotta love subliminal advertising in your pop music

Yeah, I listen to shitty pop music when I drive.... I'm comfortable with that


What bothers me about that Lolli song, aside from the ridiculous lyrics that make me feel that music as an art form is totally dead, is the face that 'air' is pronounced 'errr'. When did this become a thing? Why is this a thing? So stupid

Stuff I didn't hear on the drive that surprised me: That Nelly/Fergie song (thankfully... otherwise it wouldn't have left my head), anything old school - no Tupac, or Biggie, not even any Busta... what's up with that?

Stuff I did hear that surprised me - Ice Ice Baby (how is that still being played in this day and age?!), Ray Parker Jr.'s Ghostbusters (that song is awesome!... just didn't realize they actually played it on the radio)


All in all, Houston to Philly's not a bad drive. but nothing I'd recommend. If you can fly, airport security has nothing on driving through Alabama and hoping you don't get lynched. Might I just suggest drinking your energy drinks carefully when you're going 75 mph.... Red Bull tends to sting the eye....

Some Thoughts as I Prepare for my Triumphant Return to the East Coast

Much has already been written about The Dark Knight, and there isn't much more that I could add. My only problem with the movie was ***SPOILER ALERT*** when Rachel and Harvey somehow get kidnapped.... and we don't even see the kidnapping. What the hell is that? But I love that they didn't cop out and went through with Rachel's death (it kinda needed to happen to complete Two-Face's transformation). And the movie needs to be seen for Heath Ledger's Joker. Just dark, sadistic and utterly twisted - takes the superhero villain to a whole new level. Not a bad way to leave your final mark on this planet.

As I'm leaving Houston, can I just say that there is NOTHING I will miss about this city. It's too humid, it takes ages to drive anywhere, and it's all conservative and junk. This city is urban sprawl personified. The best view of Houston will be seeing it in my rear-view mirror.

As I'm moving back to the East Coast I gotta say that I'm suddenly excited for Jimmy Fallon taking over Conan's late night spot... it'll mean that I can get to bed earlier.

Anyone that even remotely likes AC/DC, Motely Crue, or any other guitar driven bands in the same mold needs to check out Airborne. That's one kick ass band

So I started watching How I Met Your Mother, and I have a few thoughts on the show (err... well on the two episodes I've seen so far):

1) It's good to see Alyson Hannigan back on TV. Loved her on Buffy and in the American Pie movies.

2) Neil Patrick Harris just needs to be in more shit. Between HIMYM, the Harold and Kumar movies, and whatever the hell he's doing with Joss Whedon, Neil Patrick Harris may be the most entertaining man on television.

3) Why have I never heard of Cobie Smulders?? Hot damn!


How awesome does this show look! Fine, I'm a huge dork... I'm comfortable with that.

On Favre...

Okay Brett Favre, you're being a douche now. Just fucking retire already. You had a great career. You won a Super Bowl, made an ass-load of money, and rightfully earned the respect of every football fan. But it's done man. You retired (and cried like a baby at your press conference), and it's time to just stay retired. I am by no means a Packers fan (those fucking cheeseheads are the stupidest pieces of shit I have EVER seen, and the utter arrogance of Packers fans pisses me off to no extent), but Brett, you're holding your team hostage. You're making yourself bigger than the game, which cannot be allowed. They did that in the NBA in the pre-Jordan era, and we got players like Latrell Sprewell running amok. Not to go too far on a tangent, but FIFA's doing the same damned thing over in Europe with Christiano Ronaldo as the main culprit. FIFA's asinine president comes out and says that soccer players are basically being treated as 'slaves' and that players should be sent to another team if that is their desire. Sooo basically he's putting the player above the team. What a dumb fuck. If he's allowed to have his say, soccer salaries will rise uncontrollably as every player fights for what he believes is 'his right' to the point where owning a team will no longer be profitable. Then the bubble will burst, and players, owners and fans all will be screwed. Come on Blatter, use some common sense. If slavery entails earning 100,000 pounds a week playing for Manchester United, the world's most famous soccer club, then give me my 40 acres and a mule and sign me up.
Which brings me back to Favre. Dude, just shut the fuck up. At this point you're only hurting your reputation. No one wants you back. Outside of Wisconsin no one gives a flying fuck about you. So go back to Mississippi, do some fishing, get some meth, find some fat chicks. Whatever you want to do. But give it up already man, Your time in the spotlight is over. Got that? O-V-E-R. Over! Look, this is a society where we coddle our athletes. You do coke in the real world and you get sent to jail. You do coke in the sports world and you serve a 2 year ban. We let our athletes get away with a lot, especially if, like Favre, they have played hard and won in their careers. But the shit has reached the top of the proverbial pot. If you wanted to play, maybe you shouldn't have fucking retired. The thing is, we're sick of this two-faced bullshit. Athletes lie to our (the sports fan) faces again and again and again. Enough is enough! We're sick of this. You had close to 20 years being America's darling, but Brett, the ride's done. Time to get off. I don't want to see you on ESPN anymore. The only place I want to see you is on your Wrangler commercials (and, to be honest, you make me really want to not buy their jeans). Athletes are huge insecure babies, and it's time for them to grow the fuck up. This may not be about Favre in particular, but he's gonna be the psoter-boy for the rich, beloved, and utterly spoiled athlete that thinks they can get away with whatever they want. Well, I think America as a whole is saying a big 'fuck you!' to Favre. We don't want you back. Stay retired you god-damned attention hog. Maybe you'll serve as a model for future athletes. We'll take your shit.... but even we have limits. Pass that limit and we'll turn on you like an eagle protecting it's young. And trust me Brett, you definitely do not want to be caught robbing the nest.

Has Soccer Finally Made it in America?

I'm an unabashed soccer fan (I'm not calling it "futbol"... just deal with it). Having a lot of friends who play the sport and being a huge sports fan myself made this an inevitability. To the average American, soccer lacks the intensity, high scoring, and familiarity of football, baseball, or even basketball. Honestly, the MLS simply does not do soccer justice. But watch an EPL game, maybe Manchester United vs. Arsenal, and there's no way you won't be able to appreciate the skill and the passion involved in the match. For years people have been trying to truly "bring" soccer to America. They brought over Pele in the 70s, America hosted the World Cup in 1994, and the men's national team made an unprecedented run in the 2002 World Cup... none of which truly did anything to bring soccer into the American sports forefront.
In probably the most drastic move yet, last year the LA Galaxy brought David Beckham over to the MLS. Beckham wasn't one of the over-the-hill European players that populated MLS rosters. He was (and possibly still is) arguably the world's most famous soccer player. He was an icon the world over. Many questioned his move to MLS. Beckham was making millions playing for Real Madrid, one of the best soccer clubs in the world. And Beckham was by no means finished as a player. He still had at least a few years left playing at the highest level. So he suddenly decides to leave the soccer hot-bed that is Europe to magically make the game popular in a nation that has thus far resisted any and all of soccer's embraces? Color me skeptical.
Beckham had an ominous start in the MLS, missing the majority of the season with an injury (and thus further embedding in the minds of many Americans the misguided notion that soccer players are pussies that can't play hurt - meaning they lack what American sports fans love the most in their sports superstars... heart). Any person you talked to about soccer would say something like "well Beckham sure was a bust" or "damn soccer player can't even stay healthy." But, in effect, Beckham may have done more by being hurt than he could've by staying healthy and playing on the Galaxy. Americans were now doing something they had never done before.... they were actually talking about soccer. They could name an actual living, breathing MLS soccer player! This was unprecedented. It brings to mind the old adage: any publicity is good publicity. Whether Beckham was a bust or not is irrelevant (for the record, as far as his actual effect on the field goes, I don't think you can fairly grade him due to his pretty much missing all of last season). People were now genuinely interested in soccer. Though probably not in the way he anticipated, Beckham had gotten Americans to kinda, sorta pay attention to soccer every now and then.
But the question lingered: were they paying attention to the actual sport or were people simply intrigued by Beckham's celebrity? Well ESPN decided to find out for sure, and I don't think you can give them enough credit for finally doing what they did. The Euro Cup is played every 4 years, and after the World Cup is soccer's second biggest tournament. After the World Cup and the Olympics, it's the biggest sporting competition in the world. It's literally huge. But if you wanted to watch it in America you were pretty much out of luck... until this year. ESPN not only aired games and re-runs of the games on its channels, but they gave the tournament lots of advertising and coverage on Sportscenter. These facts were important. For Americans to truly embrace soccer, America's sports network would have to embrace it first, and ESPN did just so, for which I commend them. The Euro Cup was everywhere. Every sports fan I know was talking about it or at least had seen a little bit of it. The final was even aired on ABC! And though I missed the second half of the final game, the fact that I could watch the first half in an airport bar is impressive enough. Now, soccer definitely helped itself by having an amazingly entertaining tournament with under dogs winning, super powers falling, last minute goals, and a free-flowing game that the casual sports fan could relate to. But you have to ask yourself, do the Euros even get broadcast here if not for Beckham and his porcelain knee? Hard to say. I mean, Beckham and England didn't even play in the tournament. All we can do is really speculate. I have to think, though, that without life going all Tonya Harding on David's leg the Euros would've passed by without the vast majority of America even batting an eye. So congratulations David Beckham. You have managed to get Americans, those with the 3 second attention spans and lives that are already saturated with sports, to actually pay attention to soccer. Just like you said you would. Will this interest grow? Time will tell. But for now, bravo David. Take a bow. On second thought, maybe just take a seat.... you never know when we'll need your other knee. Hell, we gotta spark interest in national healthcare somehow, right?

A poll

Like most people, I hate my job. I wanna quit... but the lack of money is a concern. So I figure I'd ask you, my faithful readers (all 1 of you?...is there that many?) as to whether this is a good idea or not. Tell me whether it's time to find a new job, why, and how I may obtain money without said job....

Madonna's Jumped the Shark

I've never been the biggest Madonna fan. I don't own any of her CDs and haven't listened to one all the way through. That being said, it was hard not to at least respect her. She was ground breaking in the 80s. She re-defined what a pop star was. She was overtly sexual and not afraid to admit it (and display it). Whatever Madonna was in the 80s, (tramp, artist, rebel,) she was definitely not the norm. She shattered the conception of what a female should be saying, wearing, and portraying, both on stage and in her music videos. We forget this now, but "Like a Prayer" was pretty heavy stuff when it came out.
As with most musicians, Madonna has mellowed with age. Her music no longer challenges the prevailing zeitgeist (though the case could be made...what's left to challenge?). Even as she mellowed though, Madonna's music never turned into the sugar-covered bubble gum pop music that plagues radio. If we can be honest I think we'll all agree that no one really liked "Ray of Light," but when you heard the song it was distinctly Madonna. It was a pretty shitty song, but you knew who it was.
Madonna's coming out with a new album this year, and after hearing her first single off the record, "4 Minutes," I think it's safe to say that Madonna has officially jumped the shark. The song pretty much is generic bubble gum pop, complete with appearances from "it" guest stars of the moment Timberlake and Timbaland. Madonna was always compelling and different, but there's no way you can say that about this song. The lyrics are the same old crap that you'd hear coming out of the mouth of Britney Spears or The Pussycat Dolls. The song serves no purpose other than to create a beat to dance too. Other than the rather cult-like repetitions of 'Ma-donnnna' throughout the song, you wouldn't even know who was singing it. And honestly, Madonna being forced to insert her name into her song just so we know who's singing the damn thing is a telltale sign that the old, badass Madonna of yesteryear is nothing but a mere memory. As Madonna annoyingly keeps chanting 'tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock' throughout the song, you can't help but wonder if she's in fact counting down the end of her career as a music pioneer, and her entry into the doldrums of musical banality and obscurity.