Friday, June 20, 2008
A poll
Like most people, I hate my job. I wanna quit... but the lack of money is a concern. So I figure I'd ask you, my faithful readers (all 1 of you?...is there that many?) as to whether this is a good idea or not. Tell me whether it's time to find a new job, why, and how I may obtain money without said job....
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Madonna's Jumped the Shark
I've never been the biggest Madonna fan. I don't own any of her CDs and haven't listened to one all the way through. That being said, it was hard not to at least respect her. She was ground breaking in the 80s. She re-defined what a pop star was. She was overtly sexual and not afraid to admit it (and display it). Whatever Madonna was in the 80s, (tramp, artist, rebel,) she was definitely not the norm. She shattered the conception of what a female should be saying, wearing, and portraying, both on stage and in her music videos. We forget this now, but "Like a Prayer" was pretty heavy stuff when it came out.
As with most musicians, Madonna has mellowed with age. Her music no longer challenges the prevailing zeitgeist (though the case could be made...what's left to challenge?). Even as she mellowed though, Madonna's music never turned into the sugar-covered bubble gum pop music that plagues radio. If we can be honest I think we'll all agree that no one really liked "Ray of Light," but when you heard the song it was distinctly Madonna. It was a pretty shitty song, but you knew who it was.
Madonna's coming out with a new album this year, and after hearing her first single off the record, "4 Minutes," I think it's safe to say that Madonna has officially jumped the shark. The song pretty much is generic bubble gum pop, complete with appearances from "it" guest stars of the moment Timberlake and Timbaland. Madonna was always compelling and different, but there's no way you can say that about this song. The lyrics are the same old crap that you'd hear coming out of the mouth of Britney Spears or The Pussycat Dolls. The song serves no purpose other than to create a beat to dance too. Other than the rather cult-like repetitions of 'Ma-donnnna' throughout the song, you wouldn't even know who was singing it. And honestly, Madonna being forced to insert her name into her song just so we know who's singing the damn thing is a telltale sign that the old, badass Madonna of yesteryear is nothing but a mere memory. As Madonna annoyingly keeps chanting 'tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock' throughout the song, you can't help but wonder if she's in fact counting down the end of her career as a music pioneer, and her entry into the doldrums of musical banality and obscurity.
As with most musicians, Madonna has mellowed with age. Her music no longer challenges the prevailing zeitgeist (though the case could be made...what's left to challenge?). Even as she mellowed though, Madonna's music never turned into the sugar-covered bubble gum pop music that plagues radio. If we can be honest I think we'll all agree that no one really liked "Ray of Light," but when you heard the song it was distinctly Madonna. It was a pretty shitty song, but you knew who it was.
Madonna's coming out with a new album this year, and after hearing her first single off the record, "4 Minutes," I think it's safe to say that Madonna has officially jumped the shark. The song pretty much is generic bubble gum pop, complete with appearances from "it" guest stars of the moment Timberlake and Timbaland. Madonna was always compelling and different, but there's no way you can say that about this song. The lyrics are the same old crap that you'd hear coming out of the mouth of Britney Spears or The Pussycat Dolls. The song serves no purpose other than to create a beat to dance too. Other than the rather cult-like repetitions of 'Ma-donnnna' throughout the song, you wouldn't even know who was singing it. And honestly, Madonna being forced to insert her name into her song just so we know who's singing the damn thing is a telltale sign that the old, badass Madonna of yesteryear is nothing but a mere memory. As Madonna annoyingly keeps chanting 'tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock' throughout the song, you can't help but wonder if she's in fact counting down the end of her career as a music pioneer, and her entry into the doldrums of musical banality and obscurity.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Girls are crazy... so let's fix it!
Okay, so if I ever become leader of the free world there will obviously be countless changes, but there's 2 specific laws I would enact upon the female race as a whole.
1) Girls are getting sluttier and sluttier every day... and hence hotter and hotter. As a male, this is pretty fucking awesome (who doesn't like seeing more skin?). The problem that ensues is that many of these girls are under the age of 18, which not only makes them grounds for imprisonment, but also makes the male staring at them a 'creep' in the eyes of other females around him. So you have these young girls running around dressed to strip, guys stare at them, and the guys get in trouble? How is that not total bullshit? Clearly they want the attention, but that's a whole other topic. So here's what we do: girls have to wear some sort of tag that alerts guys to their age. Maybe something like "not yet," "don't touch", or "illegal" for girls underage, and perhaps something like "ready to go" or "fuckable" for girls over 18. This is a clear necessity.
2) In my universe, girls will also wear signs of some sort alerting guys to their moods. Girls are moody as balls. It boggles my mind. One minute they're all flirty and having fun, next minute they're bawling about something and it's all the guy's fault. You never know when something you say will set a girl off. A seemingly innocuous statement could lead to days of fighting and ultimately the guy repenting (cause let's face it, we're always the one to give in due to the threat of 'lack of sex'). Hell, sometimes even a simple 'what's up?' can set a girl off. Again, this is bullshit. I mean, girls' moods can change on the hour. It's absurd. How are we supposed to know what to say or if to say anything at all? This is where some sort of sign comes into play. Perhaps something like "fun and flirty" or "you can actually talk to me" when they're in a good mood, or "total psycho fucking bitch!" when they're in a shitty mood. This would really simplify things. Elect me, and I'll make it happen. And if the girls complain we'll just de-franchise them. Easy as pie.
1) Girls are getting sluttier and sluttier every day... and hence hotter and hotter. As a male, this is pretty fucking awesome (who doesn't like seeing more skin?). The problem that ensues is that many of these girls are under the age of 18, which not only makes them grounds for imprisonment, but also makes the male staring at them a 'creep' in the eyes of other females around him. So you have these young girls running around dressed to strip, guys stare at them, and the guys get in trouble? How is that not total bullshit? Clearly they want the attention, but that's a whole other topic. So here's what we do: girls have to wear some sort of tag that alerts guys to their age. Maybe something like "not yet," "don't touch", or "illegal" for girls underage, and perhaps something like "ready to go" or "fuckable" for girls over 18. This is a clear necessity.
2) In my universe, girls will also wear signs of some sort alerting guys to their moods. Girls are moody as balls. It boggles my mind. One minute they're all flirty and having fun, next minute they're bawling about something and it's all the guy's fault. You never know when something you say will set a girl off. A seemingly innocuous statement could lead to days of fighting and ultimately the guy repenting (cause let's face it, we're always the one to give in due to the threat of 'lack of sex'). Hell, sometimes even a simple 'what's up?' can set a girl off. Again, this is bullshit. I mean, girls' moods can change on the hour. It's absurd. How are we supposed to know what to say or if to say anything at all? This is where some sort of sign comes into play. Perhaps something like "fun and flirty" or "you can actually talk to me" when they're in a good mood, or "total psycho fucking bitch!" when they're in a shitty mood. This would really simplify things. Elect me, and I'll make it happen. And if the girls complain we'll just de-franchise them. Easy as pie.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Happy Birthday?...
So my birthday was on Sunday. Now I don't usually share personal stories in this blog, but this was just pretty ridiculous.
I had to get the fuck out of Houston for my birthday. If I was there for it I probably would've shot myself in the head. So I decided to head to Miami with a few of my friends. The weekend was awesome. Much alcohol was consumed. This meant, of course, that when I awoke on Sunday, my actual birthday day, I was hungover as balls. I don't get too many hangovers anymore, but when I get them they are GOD FUCKING AWFUL. If someone had shot me Sunday morning I would've been pleased as all holy hell. So I wake up hungover. I went to college for four years; it's happened before. The problem?.... This time I woke up without my wallet.
Yes, sometime in the night (um, and by that I mean around 6 am) I ended up passed out on the beach. Now, I'm pretty sure that when I passed out I had my wallet in my pocket. When I woke up, it was gone. So I think I somehow got robbed while I was passed out on the beach (look, crazier things have happened). So losing some cash and credit cards is bad enough, but I also lost my driver's license. And I'm flying back to Houston in about 12 hours. FUCK.
This is great. I'm gonna be stranded in Miami. Well, as it turns out all I have to do is go to the police station, tell them my ID was stolen, and they'll write me a note. That's right, a motherfucking note, like I'm in god damned junior high again. But you know what, if it gets me back to Houston, who cares, right?
So I almost always use Orbitz when I fly. I highly recommend them. Their prices generally seem to be pretty good, but almost as good is the fact that they call you with flight status updates. So as we're sitting at Chilis eating some food before we all have to go through security and get on our respective flights, I get a call from Orbitz telling me my flight is delayed. Eh, it's only half an hour, I'll still catch my connection out of Tampa. 30 minutes later, Orbitz calls me to say that my flight is delayed even further. Umm, this is NOT good. I go to look at the monitor in the airport and they say my flight's still on time. What gives? I go to the counter, and he informs that, so to speak, I'm fucked. There's no way I'm making my connection in Tampa.
'Dude', I kindly inform him, 'I need to get to fucking work tomorrow!' Oh hold on, maybe I can make it... if I'm willing to catch a shuttle to Ft. Lauderdale, which is about 45 minutes away. On my own expense, of course. Well, don't have much of a fucking choice, now do I? So I bum some money off my friend (due to my lack of an ATM card) and catch the van to Ft. Lauderdale. Awesome. This is going reaaaaal well.
I get to the Ft. Lauderdale airport roughly 15 minutes before my plane's supposed to take off, check my bag in, and head to security. Now, due to the fact that I have a "note" rather than an actual driver's license, this subjects me to "extra security." So I go through the drug sniffer machine and the metal detector, and I get to the end of the X-ray belt to wait for my computer. I expect to pick it up and run onto the plane, but nooooo. The lady opens up my computer bag and swabs EVERY FUCKING INCH of the thing! Seriously?! I have a fucking plane taking off in two mintues and you're gonna make me miss it cause you're swabbing my fucking computer??!! This is the stupidest shit I have ever seen. Just an utter waste of time and money. Well, the fucking security lady finally gets done swabbing (or whatever the fuck she was doing), I grab my computer, and sprint to the gate just as my plane's starting to board. I get on and pass out. When I wake up, we're about to land in Houston, and I figure 'at least I'll get a good night's sleep tonight.' Little did I know...
So we land in Houston and I head over to the discount parking lot (at $6 a day, you can't really complain all that much). Now, generally when you first park at the lot they give you this little card that tells you where you're parked at, but for reason they didn't give me one this time (possibly cause I parked at like 5 am and both me and the shuttle driver were still asleep). So I thought I parked my car at B-12. I get in that section, and I'm looking, and looking, and looking some more, but I can't find shit. Now I'm tired and working on pretty much an empty stomach on account of me being hungover all day, so I'm getting frustrated. Eventually one of the shuttle drivers picks me up and we look for my car, but again, nothing. Sooo the guy has to take me up to their front office, and they have to use my license plate number to physically look up where I'm parked at. We finally find the car... in B-2. Not only do I feel like a fool, but it took an hour. I don't leave the lot until 11:30.
So I get on the freeway to head home. I'm goin like 70 (speed limit's 65) and everything's going fine. All of a sudden, though, I can feel my car start to shake.... uh oh. I smell burning rubber, and then I lose complete control. I do two 360's in the middle of this 5 lane highway. If there were people on the road it would've been a bad deal. Somehow I manage to get to the shoulder, I get out of the car, and, yup, I got a blown tire. The day gets better.
Now some would say I can be an angry person when it comes to society. The thing is, I think humanity as a whole just kinda blows. We're, simply put, not good. But, I do have faith in individual people. So I'm on the shoulder with my blown tire for maybe 30 seconds when this guy pulls over. He's this tiny Latino guy that reeks of alcohol, but at this point I'll take anything I can get. So we get the tire on, and I'm honesty really grateful. It's late, I'm sure he's tired, he didn't have to stop, but he did. So I shake his hand and thanks him, to which he replies, in a thick Mexican accent, "you give me 5 or ten dollars and we be good." Really dude? Really?? After I just told you I got my wallet stolen and have barely any cash? Whatever. I'm too tired to argue. I give him 5 bucks and get on my way. Will the day ever fucking end?
After driving for a few more minutes (never going over 55) I get to where I want to stay at. The hotel I usually stay at is an Extended Stay type thing which doesn't have anyone at the front desk after 11, so I'm fucked there. But there's a ton of hotels in the area, so I figure I'll be okay. I go to the Hampton Inn, ready to just crash, and ask them if they have a room. They do. But I have no cash or credit cards, so I ask them if they take a check. Um, they don't. Can they make an exception? No exceptions. Cool. Well, let's try somewhere else. La Quinta? Nope. Marriott? Don't think so. Days Inn? That'd be a big negative. The shady hotel that I try at all costs not to stay at? Sorry, they only take check during the day. Thanks for nothing lady.
Soo you might be asking yourself, what'd you do at this point? Well... I slept in my car. That's right, for a night I was officially a vagrant. Seriously though, that may be a new low in my life. When you wake up in your car and head straight to work looking like a bum, it might be time to take a hard, long look at where you're at in life.
A few thoughts on Miami
I feel like I'm pretty traveled. I've been to a lot of real cool cities that have been close to a beach and/or have the reputation of being a party town (LA, New Orleans, Barcelona), but I think I can unequivocally say that nothing truly prepared me for Miami. Forget the fact that clubs in Miami stay open until 5 am, the first thing I noticed almost as soon as I landed was the way people in Miami dressed. Let's just say that their clothing style is very, um, minimalistic. That whole 'no shoes, no shirt, no service' mantra you see for restaurants? Yeah, doesn't really apply in Miami. It seemed that every girl was walking around during the day in a swimsuit. I mean, I go into CVS and there's a girl just shopping in there in a bikini, like it's the most natural thing in the world. The thing is, many of these girls were clearly under-age. I almost felt kind of dirty for staring. Almost.
Going out at night took under-dressing to a whole new level. The skimpy clothing that girls in Miami wear to go out is simply ridiculous. Being a straight male, I love seeing scantily dressed girls as much as any other guy, but the amount of skankiness on the streets of Miami was absolutely absurd. Needless to say, I will totally visit this city again. Just be pre-warned, clothing does indeed seem to be optional.
Speaking of cities, here's my top 5:
1) Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - Okay, I'm clearly biased cause it is my home. But in all honesty, Philly gets a bad rap from people that've never been there. Lots of good restaurants and bars, great museums, a vibrant nightlife, and a ton of things to do. Plus, with all the colleges in the area, there's always bound to be lots of co-eds running around drunk out of their minds.
2) Portland, Oregon - Portland's a cool little hipster city. Lots of hiking, micro brews and indie rock bands. My type of place (thought the rain might get on my nerves after a while).
3) Barcelona, Spain - Just an awesome city. They eat late and party hard. The city's metropolitan, has great food, and is close to the Mediterranean. If you haven't been there, you need to give it a try.
4) Miami, Florida - Just a total party city with a TON of good restaurants, clubs and beaches. Great place to let it everything go. It is a little too Euro-y, which I'm sure would piss me off over time. Don't think I could live there.
5) San Francisco, California - A hip, green city that always seems to be on the cutting edge. It's frickin gorgeous and there's stuff to do. Plus it's a bastion for unbridled liberalism, which is right up my alley.
*Note: I have yet to go to Las Vegas, Austin, or Boston. So let's take that into consideration
I had to get the fuck out of Houston for my birthday. If I was there for it I probably would've shot myself in the head. So I decided to head to Miami with a few of my friends. The weekend was awesome. Much alcohol was consumed. This meant, of course, that when I awoke on Sunday, my actual birthday day, I was hungover as balls. I don't get too many hangovers anymore, but when I get them they are GOD FUCKING AWFUL. If someone had shot me Sunday morning I would've been pleased as all holy hell. So I wake up hungover. I went to college for four years; it's happened before. The problem?.... This time I woke up without my wallet.
Yes, sometime in the night (um, and by that I mean around 6 am) I ended up passed out on the beach. Now, I'm pretty sure that when I passed out I had my wallet in my pocket. When I woke up, it was gone. So I think I somehow got robbed while I was passed out on the beach (look, crazier things have happened). So losing some cash and credit cards is bad enough, but I also lost my driver's license. And I'm flying back to Houston in about 12 hours. FUCK.
This is great. I'm gonna be stranded in Miami. Well, as it turns out all I have to do is go to the police station, tell them my ID was stolen, and they'll write me a note. That's right, a motherfucking note, like I'm in god damned junior high again. But you know what, if it gets me back to Houston, who cares, right?
So I almost always use Orbitz when I fly. I highly recommend them. Their prices generally seem to be pretty good, but almost as good is the fact that they call you with flight status updates. So as we're sitting at Chilis eating some food before we all have to go through security and get on our respective flights, I get a call from Orbitz telling me my flight is delayed. Eh, it's only half an hour, I'll still catch my connection out of Tampa. 30 minutes later, Orbitz calls me to say that my flight is delayed even further. Umm, this is NOT good. I go to look at the monitor in the airport and they say my flight's still on time. What gives? I go to the counter, and he informs that, so to speak, I'm fucked. There's no way I'm making my connection in Tampa.
'Dude', I kindly inform him, 'I need to get to fucking work tomorrow!' Oh hold on, maybe I can make it... if I'm willing to catch a shuttle to Ft. Lauderdale, which is about 45 minutes away. On my own expense, of course. Well, don't have much of a fucking choice, now do I? So I bum some money off my friend (due to my lack of an ATM card) and catch the van to Ft. Lauderdale. Awesome. This is going reaaaaal well.
I get to the Ft. Lauderdale airport roughly 15 minutes before my plane's supposed to take off, check my bag in, and head to security. Now, due to the fact that I have a "note" rather than an actual driver's license, this subjects me to "extra security." So I go through the drug sniffer machine and the metal detector, and I get to the end of the X-ray belt to wait for my computer. I expect to pick it up and run onto the plane, but nooooo. The lady opens up my computer bag and swabs EVERY FUCKING INCH of the thing! Seriously?! I have a fucking plane taking off in two mintues and you're gonna make me miss it cause you're swabbing my fucking computer??!! This is the stupidest shit I have ever seen. Just an utter waste of time and money. Well, the fucking security lady finally gets done swabbing (or whatever the fuck she was doing), I grab my computer, and sprint to the gate just as my plane's starting to board. I get on and pass out. When I wake up, we're about to land in Houston, and I figure 'at least I'll get a good night's sleep tonight.' Little did I know...
So we land in Houston and I head over to the discount parking lot (at $6 a day, you can't really complain all that much). Now, generally when you first park at the lot they give you this little card that tells you where you're parked at, but for reason they didn't give me one this time (possibly cause I parked at like 5 am and both me and the shuttle driver were still asleep). So I thought I parked my car at B-12. I get in that section, and I'm looking, and looking, and looking some more, but I can't find shit. Now I'm tired and working on pretty much an empty stomach on account of me being hungover all day, so I'm getting frustrated. Eventually one of the shuttle drivers picks me up and we look for my car, but again, nothing. Sooo the guy has to take me up to their front office, and they have to use my license plate number to physically look up where I'm parked at. We finally find the car... in B-2. Not only do I feel like a fool, but it took an hour. I don't leave the lot until 11:30.
So I get on the freeway to head home. I'm goin like 70 (speed limit's 65) and everything's going fine. All of a sudden, though, I can feel my car start to shake.... uh oh. I smell burning rubber, and then I lose complete control. I do two 360's in the middle of this 5 lane highway. If there were people on the road it would've been a bad deal. Somehow I manage to get to the shoulder, I get out of the car, and, yup, I got a blown tire. The day gets better.
Now some would say I can be an angry person when it comes to society. The thing is, I think humanity as a whole just kinda blows. We're, simply put, not good. But, I do have faith in individual people. So I'm on the shoulder with my blown tire for maybe 30 seconds when this guy pulls over. He's this tiny Latino guy that reeks of alcohol, but at this point I'll take anything I can get. So we get the tire on, and I'm honesty really grateful. It's late, I'm sure he's tired, he didn't have to stop, but he did. So I shake his hand and thanks him, to which he replies, in a thick Mexican accent, "you give me 5 or ten dollars and we be good." Really dude? Really?? After I just told you I got my wallet stolen and have barely any cash? Whatever. I'm too tired to argue. I give him 5 bucks and get on my way. Will the day ever fucking end?
After driving for a few more minutes (never going over 55) I get to where I want to stay at. The hotel I usually stay at is an Extended Stay type thing which doesn't have anyone at the front desk after 11, so I'm fucked there. But there's a ton of hotels in the area, so I figure I'll be okay. I go to the Hampton Inn, ready to just crash, and ask them if they have a room. They do. But I have no cash or credit cards, so I ask them if they take a check. Um, they don't. Can they make an exception? No exceptions. Cool. Well, let's try somewhere else. La Quinta? Nope. Marriott? Don't think so. Days Inn? That'd be a big negative. The shady hotel that I try at all costs not to stay at? Sorry, they only take check during the day. Thanks for nothing lady.
Soo you might be asking yourself, what'd you do at this point? Well... I slept in my car. That's right, for a night I was officially a vagrant. Seriously though, that may be a new low in my life. When you wake up in your car and head straight to work looking like a bum, it might be time to take a hard, long look at where you're at in life.
A few thoughts on Miami
I feel like I'm pretty traveled. I've been to a lot of real cool cities that have been close to a beach and/or have the reputation of being a party town (LA, New Orleans, Barcelona), but I think I can unequivocally say that nothing truly prepared me for Miami. Forget the fact that clubs in Miami stay open until 5 am, the first thing I noticed almost as soon as I landed was the way people in Miami dressed. Let's just say that their clothing style is very, um, minimalistic. That whole 'no shoes, no shirt, no service' mantra you see for restaurants? Yeah, doesn't really apply in Miami. It seemed that every girl was walking around during the day in a swimsuit. I mean, I go into CVS and there's a girl just shopping in there in a bikini, like it's the most natural thing in the world. The thing is, many of these girls were clearly under-age. I almost felt kind of dirty for staring. Almost.
Going out at night took under-dressing to a whole new level. The skimpy clothing that girls in Miami wear to go out is simply ridiculous. Being a straight male, I love seeing scantily dressed girls as much as any other guy, but the amount of skankiness on the streets of Miami was absolutely absurd. Needless to say, I will totally visit this city again. Just be pre-warned, clothing does indeed seem to be optional.
Speaking of cities, here's my top 5:
1) Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - Okay, I'm clearly biased cause it is my home. But in all honesty, Philly gets a bad rap from people that've never been there. Lots of good restaurants and bars, great museums, a vibrant nightlife, and a ton of things to do. Plus, with all the colleges in the area, there's always bound to be lots of co-eds running around drunk out of their minds.
2) Portland, Oregon - Portland's a cool little hipster city. Lots of hiking, micro brews and indie rock bands. My type of place (thought the rain might get on my nerves after a while).
3) Barcelona, Spain - Just an awesome city. They eat late and party hard. The city's metropolitan, has great food, and is close to the Mediterranean. If you haven't been there, you need to give it a try.
4) Miami, Florida - Just a total party city with a TON of good restaurants, clubs and beaches. Great place to let it everything go. It is a little too Euro-y, which I'm sure would piss me off over time. Don't think I could live there.
5) San Francisco, California - A hip, green city that always seems to be on the cutting edge. It's frickin gorgeous and there's stuff to do. Plus it's a bastion for unbridled liberalism, which is right up my alley.
*Note: I have yet to go to Las Vegas, Austin, or Boston. So let's take that into consideration
Monday, June 2, 2008
Some Extremely Random Thoughts
So Mutt Lange cheated on Shania Twain. Here's Mutt Lange. Here's Shania Twain. And there goes my faith in anything
So all this talk about Obama being an elitist -um, isn't that a good thing? Don't you want your president to be smarter and, for all intensive purposes, better than the average person? I mean, you don't want the president of the freaking United States of America to be Joe Six-pack, do you? Plus, how can you call Obama elitist and not call McCain and Hilary Clinton the same thing? Take a look at this article. Both McCain and Clinton are worth a considerable amount more than Obama. And Obama's the elitist? Please. Every presidential candidate's an elitist. Give me a break.
So everyone's heard of Jimmy Fallon taking over Conan's show in 2009 when Conan takes over Leno's Tonight Show. Is anyone really excited about this? Does ANYONE actually like Fallon? He's not funny, he ruined every SNL skit he was on by laughing un-professionally, and he made that awful Fever Pitch movie. And we're giving him his own late night TV show? Um... why? How is he gonna be good in any shape or form? Whatever. I guess I can switch over to ABC and catch the second half of Kimmel's show.
I'm excited for Conan moving to an earlier time. I love his show. He's easily one of the funniest people on the planet, and now I'll be able to watch his show and still sleep at a reasonable time. The question arises though, can Conan spread his small but loyal audience into a widespread one?
It's easy to take shots at Jay Leno. His show isn't really edgy and he generally takes the easy joke. But the thing is, you know what you're getting with him. I think Letterman as a person is much funnier than Leno, but for some reason I always watch Leno's show (part of this reason is due to the fact that Paul Schafer annoys the fuck out of me). Leno's always there, he always gets big name guests, and, if it means anything, he is dependable to at least be somewhat entertaining (plus Jaywalking's pretty funny, right?). Conan's jokes can be hit-or-miss. When they miss he gets bailed out by his audience and his natural self-deprecating personality,, but will he be able to pull that off with a much larger viewership? Conan's humor can definitely be edgy and racy sometimes; which is perfect for his late night time slot. It will be interesting to see if he tones down the edginess (or if NBC makes him) when he takes over the Tonight Show. I hope he doesn't tone anything down or change his format. I hope he'll be able to convert non-believers into appreciating his unique blend of humor, but I have my doubts. Bland, stale humor tends to reign supreme on TV (see Two and a Half Men), and that is one thing Conan never has been. It'll be interesting to see how the whole situation shapes out. There's a good possibility NBC could be making a huge mistake (financially speaking) by letting Leno walk.
I forget if I've talked about those stupid fucking roller shoes that little kids are wearing now-a-days. God I hate those pieces of shit. I swear every time I'm just trying to get some food at the grocery store I get cut off by some dumbass kid. Then, as I brake the cart to a sharp halt so I don't run over precious, the little fuck looks up as the cart stops an inch from his face and says "oh". Really?? You almost got run the fuck over cause you were too busy rolling on your stupid god damned shoes! Why do these even exist? Just put on some roller blades and get outside. There is no reason for shoes to have little wheels on them. I'm pretty sure they're the first sign of the Apocalypse.
I'm excited for the Lakers-Celtics NBA finals, even if ESPN is gonna drown us to death with build-up to the series (evidenced by 1987 Celtics-Lakers finals match-up they showed tonight.... and not on ESPN Classic, but on regualr ESPN). It should be competitive and we get two of the fiercest athletes of my generation, in Kobe and KG, going head-to-head against each other. I'll be cheering for KG to get his first elusive ring... but it's hard to not go with the Lakers. With Kobe, Pau, Odom, a good supporting cast and a hall of fame coach they're gonna be tough to beat. I'll take the Lakers in 7.
Ryan Reynolds is gonna play Deadpool in the new Wolverine movie. Deadpool's probably my favorite comic book character ever, and the only 'super hero' who's book I actually bought and followed when I was younger. So this movie better be awesome, and Reynolds, you better do an awesome job.
I liked the new Indiana Jones movie. It was fun and fast-paced. The two hours honestly flew by like that. People keep hating on it, but I'm not sure why. People complain that the aliens were too much. Oh, and that thing that melted Nazis wasn't? C'mon. You can't go into the movie expecting realism or some sore of epic, Oscar caliber movie. It's fricking Inidana Jones. You go to watch fights, explosions, travels in foreign lands, and snakes.... and that's exactly what you got. A great movie for the ages? Of course not. But a great way to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon? You bet your ass it was.
So all this talk about Obama being an elitist -um, isn't that a good thing? Don't you want your president to be smarter and, for all intensive purposes, better than the average person? I mean, you don't want the president of the freaking United States of America to be Joe Six-pack, do you? Plus, how can you call Obama elitist and not call McCain and Hilary Clinton the same thing? Take a look at this article. Both McCain and Clinton are worth a considerable amount more than Obama. And Obama's the elitist? Please. Every presidential candidate's an elitist. Give me a break.
So everyone's heard of Jimmy Fallon taking over Conan's show in 2009 when Conan takes over Leno's Tonight Show. Is anyone really excited about this? Does ANYONE actually like Fallon? He's not funny, he ruined every SNL skit he was on by laughing un-professionally, and he made that awful Fever Pitch movie. And we're giving him his own late night TV show? Um... why? How is he gonna be good in any shape or form? Whatever. I guess I can switch over to ABC and catch the second half of Kimmel's show.
I'm excited for Conan moving to an earlier time. I love his show. He's easily one of the funniest people on the planet, and now I'll be able to watch his show and still sleep at a reasonable time. The question arises though, can Conan spread his small but loyal audience into a widespread one?
It's easy to take shots at Jay Leno. His show isn't really edgy and he generally takes the easy joke. But the thing is, you know what you're getting with him. I think Letterman as a person is much funnier than Leno, but for some reason I always watch Leno's show (part of this reason is due to the fact that Paul Schafer annoys the fuck out of me). Leno's always there, he always gets big name guests, and, if it means anything, he is dependable to at least be somewhat entertaining (plus Jaywalking's pretty funny, right?). Conan's jokes can be hit-or-miss. When they miss he gets bailed out by his audience and his natural self-deprecating personality,, but will he be able to pull that off with a much larger viewership? Conan's humor can definitely be edgy and racy sometimes; which is perfect for his late night time slot. It will be interesting to see if he tones down the edginess (or if NBC makes him) when he takes over the Tonight Show. I hope he doesn't tone anything down or change his format. I hope he'll be able to convert non-believers into appreciating his unique blend of humor, but I have my doubts. Bland, stale humor tends to reign supreme on TV (see Two and a Half Men), and that is one thing Conan never has been. It'll be interesting to see how the whole situation shapes out. There's a good possibility NBC could be making a huge mistake (financially speaking) by letting Leno walk.
I forget if I've talked about those stupid fucking roller shoes that little kids are wearing now-a-days. God I hate those pieces of shit. I swear every time I'm just trying to get some food at the grocery store I get cut off by some dumbass kid. Then, as I brake the cart to a sharp halt so I don't run over precious, the little fuck looks up as the cart stops an inch from his face and says "oh". Really?? You almost got run the fuck over cause you were too busy rolling on your stupid god damned shoes! Why do these even exist? Just put on some roller blades and get outside. There is no reason for shoes to have little wheels on them. I'm pretty sure they're the first sign of the Apocalypse.
I'm excited for the Lakers-Celtics NBA finals, even if ESPN is gonna drown us to death with build-up to the series (evidenced by 1987 Celtics-Lakers finals match-up they showed tonight.... and not on ESPN Classic, but on regualr ESPN). It should be competitive and we get two of the fiercest athletes of my generation, in Kobe and KG, going head-to-head against each other. I'll be cheering for KG to get his first elusive ring... but it's hard to not go with the Lakers. With Kobe, Pau, Odom, a good supporting cast and a hall of fame coach they're gonna be tough to beat. I'll take the Lakers in 7.
Ryan Reynolds is gonna play Deadpool in the new Wolverine movie. Deadpool's probably my favorite comic book character ever, and the only 'super hero' who's book I actually bought and followed when I was younger. So this movie better be awesome, and Reynolds, you better do an awesome job.
I liked the new Indiana Jones movie. It was fun and fast-paced. The two hours honestly flew by like that. People keep hating on it, but I'm not sure why. People complain that the aliens were too much. Oh, and that thing that melted Nazis wasn't? C'mon. You can't go into the movie expecting realism or some sore of epic, Oscar caliber movie. It's fricking Inidana Jones. You go to watch fights, explosions, travels in foreign lands, and snakes.... and that's exactly what you got. A great movie for the ages? Of course not. But a great way to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon? You bet your ass it was.
On MSG..
So for years I've heard that MSG is bad for you. You see Chinese restaurants advertising that their food is now 'MSG free!' Now, I never cared to know what MSG is or what it does or how it tastes. I always assumed it was some sort of salt that made food taste good but gave you cancer. Well, it turns out MSG doesn't actually kill you. Check out this article. Evidently MSG makes you fat, lazy and all headach-y. Really? That's it?? Motherfucking pussies need to man up. Theres MSG in Lays, KFC, Wendy's, Doritos, and Hamburger Helper among countless other tasty edibles. Look, we all know anything that tastes good isn't good for you. And clearly if you eat Doritos all days you're gonna become fat and lazy. 'Oh no.. MSG gave me a headache! Ban it!' Shut the fuck up you commies.
If I wanted to be healthy I wouldn't be eating Doritos in the first place. MSG isn't carcinogenic? Well hell then... put it on everything! Give me MSG in a jar so I can pour it on all my foods. Give it to me by the truckload.
It's addictive you say? It's the 'nicotine of food?' Well everyone I know who smokes loves their cigarettes. They know it's bad for them, but that doesn't stop them. That's the way it should be with MSG. If you don't want any in you then don't eat it. McDonalds is gonna be bad for you no matter what's in it... you might as well let it be tasty too. So take a fucking Advil and let me eat my MSG-laced Chinese food in peace.
If I wanted to be healthy I wouldn't be eating Doritos in the first place. MSG isn't carcinogenic? Well hell then... put it on everything! Give me MSG in a jar so I can pour it on all my foods. Give it to me by the truckload.
It's addictive you say? It's the 'nicotine of food?' Well everyone I know who smokes loves their cigarettes. They know it's bad for them, but that doesn't stop them. That's the way it should be with MSG. If you don't want any in you then don't eat it. McDonalds is gonna be bad for you no matter what's in it... you might as well let it be tasty too. So take a fucking Advil and let me eat my MSG-laced Chinese food in peace.
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