On MSG..

So for years I've heard that MSG is bad for you. You see Chinese restaurants advertising that their food is now 'MSG free!' Now, I never cared to know what MSG is or what it does or how it tastes. I always assumed it was some sort of salt that made food taste good but gave you cancer. Well, it turns out MSG doesn't actually kill you. Check out this article. Evidently MSG makes you fat, lazy and all headach-y. Really? That's it?? Motherfucking pussies need to man up. Theres MSG in Lays, KFC, Wendy's, Doritos, and Hamburger Helper among countless other tasty edibles. Look, we all know anything that tastes good isn't good for you. And clearly if you eat Doritos all days you're gonna become fat and lazy. 'Oh no.. MSG gave me a headache! Ban it!' Shut the fuck up you commies.
If I wanted to be healthy I wouldn't be eating Doritos in the first place. MSG isn't carcinogenic? Well hell then... put it on everything! Give me MSG in a jar so I can pour it on all my foods. Give it to me by the truckload.
It's addictive you say? It's the 'nicotine of food?' Well everyone I know who smokes loves their cigarettes. They know it's bad for them, but that doesn't stop them. That's the way it should be with MSG. If you don't want any in you then don't eat it. McDonalds is gonna be bad for you no matter what's in it... you might as well let it be tasty too. So take a fucking Advil and let me eat my MSG-laced Chinese food in peace.