Happy Birthday?...

So my birthday was on Sunday. Now I don't usually share personal stories in this blog, but this was just pretty ridiculous.
I had to get the fuck out of Houston for my birthday. If I was there for it I probably would've shot myself in the head. So I decided to head to Miami with a few of my friends. The weekend was awesome. Much alcohol was consumed. This meant, of course, that when I awoke on Sunday, my actual birthday day, I was hungover as balls. I don't get too many hangovers anymore, but when I get them they are GOD FUCKING AWFUL. If someone had shot me Sunday morning I would've been pleased as all holy hell. So I wake up hungover. I went to college for four years; it's happened before. The problem?.... This time I woke up without my wallet.
Yes, sometime in the night (um, and by that I mean around 6 am) I ended up passed out on the beach. Now, I'm pretty sure that when I passed out I had my wallet in my pocket. When I woke up, it was gone. So I think I somehow got robbed while I was passed out on the beach (look, crazier things have happened). So losing some cash and credit cards is bad enough, but I also lost my driver's license. And I'm flying back to Houston in about 12 hours. FUCK.
This is great. I'm gonna be stranded in Miami. Well, as it turns out all I have to do is go to the police station, tell them my ID was stolen, and they'll write me a note. That's right, a motherfucking note, like I'm in god damned junior high again. But you know what, if it gets me back to Houston, who cares, right?
So I almost always use Orbitz when I fly. I highly recommend them. Their prices generally seem to be pretty good, but almost as good is the fact that they call you with flight status updates. So as we're sitting at Chilis eating some food before we all have to go through security and get on our respective flights, I get a call from Orbitz telling me my flight is delayed. Eh, it's only half an hour, I'll still catch my connection out of Tampa. 30 minutes later, Orbitz calls me to say that my flight is delayed even further. Umm, this is NOT good. I go to look at the monitor in the airport and they say my flight's still on time. What gives? I go to the counter, and he informs that, so to speak, I'm fucked. There's no way I'm making my connection in Tampa.
'Dude', I kindly inform him, 'I need to get to fucking work tomorrow!' Oh hold on, maybe I can make it... if I'm willing to catch a shuttle to Ft. Lauderdale, which is about 45 minutes away. On my own expense, of course. Well, don't have much of a fucking choice, now do I? So I bum some money off my friend (due to my lack of an ATM card) and catch the van to Ft. Lauderdale. Awesome. This is going reaaaaal well.
I get to the Ft. Lauderdale airport roughly 15 minutes before my plane's supposed to take off, check my bag in, and head to security. Now, due to the fact that I have a "note" rather than an actual driver's license, this subjects me to "extra security." So I go through the drug sniffer machine and the metal detector, and I get to the end of the X-ray belt to wait for my computer. I expect to pick it up and run onto the plane, but nooooo. The lady opens up my computer bag and swabs EVERY FUCKING INCH of the thing! Seriously?! I have a fucking plane taking off in two mintues and you're gonna make me miss it cause you're swabbing my fucking computer??!! This is the stupidest shit I have ever seen. Just an utter waste of time and money. Well, the fucking security lady finally gets done swabbing (or whatever the fuck she was doing), I grab my computer, and sprint to the gate just as my plane's starting to board. I get on and pass out. When I wake up, we're about to land in Houston, and I figure 'at least I'll get a good night's sleep tonight.' Little did I know...
So we land in Houston and I head over to the discount parking lot (at $6 a day, you can't really complain all that much). Now, generally when you first park at the lot they give you this little card that tells you where you're parked at, but for reason they didn't give me one this time (possibly cause I parked at like 5 am and both me and the shuttle driver were still asleep). So I thought I parked my car at B-12. I get in that section, and I'm looking, and looking, and looking some more, but I can't find shit. Now I'm tired and working on pretty much an empty stomach on account of me being hungover all day, so I'm getting frustrated. Eventually one of the shuttle drivers picks me up and we look for my car, but again, nothing. Sooo the guy has to take me up to their front office, and they have to use my license plate number to physically look up where I'm parked at. We finally find the car... in B-2. Not only do I feel like a fool, but it took an hour. I don't leave the lot until 11:30.
So I get on the freeway to head home. I'm goin like 70 (speed limit's 65) and everything's going fine. All of a sudden, though, I can feel my car start to shake.... uh oh. I smell burning rubber, and then I lose complete control. I do two 360's in the middle of this 5 lane highway. If there were people on the road it would've been a bad deal. Somehow I manage to get to the shoulder, I get out of the car, and, yup, I got a blown tire. The day gets better.
Now some would say I can be an angry person when it comes to society. The thing is, I think humanity as a whole just kinda blows. We're, simply put, not good. But, I do have faith in individual people. So I'm on the shoulder with my blown tire for maybe 30 seconds when this guy pulls over. He's this tiny Latino guy that reeks of alcohol, but at this point I'll take anything I can get. So we get the tire on, and I'm honesty really grateful. It's late, I'm sure he's tired, he didn't have to stop, but he did. So I shake his hand and thanks him, to which he replies, in a thick Mexican accent, "you give me 5 or ten dollars and we be good." Really dude? Really?? After I just told you I got my wallet stolen and have barely any cash? Whatever. I'm too tired to argue. I give him 5 bucks and get on my way. Will the day ever fucking end?
After driving for a few more minutes (never going over 55) I get to where I want to stay at. The hotel I usually stay at is an Extended Stay type thing which doesn't have anyone at the front desk after 11, so I'm fucked there. But there's a ton of hotels in the area, so I figure I'll be okay. I go to the Hampton Inn, ready to just crash, and ask them if they have a room. They do. But I have no cash or credit cards, so I ask them if they take a check. Um, they don't. Can they make an exception? No exceptions. Cool. Well, let's try somewhere else. La Quinta? Nope. Marriott? Don't think so. Days Inn? That'd be a big negative. The shady hotel that I try at all costs not to stay at? Sorry, they only take check during the day. Thanks for nothing lady.
Soo you might be asking yourself, what'd you do at this point? Well... I slept in my car. That's right, for a night I was officially a vagrant. Seriously though, that may be a new low in my life. When you wake up in your car and head straight to work looking like a bum, it might be time to take a hard, long look at where you're at in life.

A few thoughts on Miami

I feel like I'm pretty traveled. I've been to a lot of real cool cities that have been close to a beach and/or have the reputation of being a party town (LA, New Orleans, Barcelona), but I think I can unequivocally say that nothing truly prepared me for Miami. Forget the fact that clubs in Miami stay open until 5 am, the first thing I noticed almost as soon as I landed was the way people in Miami dressed. Let's just say that their clothing style is very, um, minimalistic. That whole 'no shoes, no shirt, no service' mantra you see for restaurants? Yeah, doesn't really apply in Miami. It seemed that every girl was walking around during the day in a swimsuit. I mean, I go into CVS and there's a girl just shopping in there in a bikini, like it's the most natural thing in the world. The thing is, many of these girls were clearly under-age. I almost felt kind of dirty for staring. Almost.
Going out at night took under-dressing to a whole new level. The skimpy clothing that girls in Miami wear to go out is simply ridiculous. Being a straight male, I love seeing scantily dressed girls as much as any other guy, but the amount of skankiness on the streets of Miami was absolutely absurd. Needless to say, I will totally visit this city again. Just be pre-warned, clothing does indeed seem to be optional.

Speaking of cities, here's my top 5:

1) Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - Okay, I'm clearly biased cause it is my home. But in all honesty, Philly gets a bad rap from people that've never been there. Lots of good restaurants and bars, great museums, a vibrant nightlife, and a ton of things to do. Plus, with all the colleges in the area, there's always bound to be lots of co-eds running around drunk out of their minds.

2) Portland, Oregon - Portland's a cool little hipster city. Lots of hiking, micro brews and indie rock bands. My type of place (thought the rain might get on my nerves after a while).

3) Barcelona, Spain - Just an awesome city. They eat late and party hard. The city's metropolitan, has great food, and is close to the Mediterranean. If you haven't been there, you need to give it a try.

4) Miami, Florida - Just a total party city with a TON of good restaurants, clubs and beaches. Great place to let it everything go. It is a little too Euro-y, which I'm sure would piss me off over time. Don't think I could live there.

5) San Francisco, California - A hip, green city that always seems to be on the cutting edge. It's frickin gorgeous and there's stuff to do. Plus it's a bastion for unbridled liberalism, which is right up my alley.

*Note: I have yet to go to Las Vegas, Austin, or Boston. So let's take that into consideration