On the Olympic Torch and the Masters

Being a sports fan, I'm naturally excited for the Olympics. Coming around every four years, they have that special feel for me that I otherwise only seem to get with the Super Bowl, the NCAA tournament, and the World Cup. There's something about seeing people just give their all in the name of their country that's pretty cool. You don't see such passion and pride anywhere but the Olympics (maybe at the World Cup and NCAA tourney, but too a much smaller degree). For the most part, Olympic athletes aren't super famous and ridiculously rich. They haven't been spoiled, so to speak, by fame.
The running of the torch is one of the Olympics' time-honored tradition. Not only does it get people all psyched-up for the Olympics, but it helps us to remember the beauty of sport (god that sounds cliche). But in all honesty, that's what the torch is meant to represent, and I think most people see it as transcending the simple flame that it is. The Olympic torch is usually met with gala and celebration, but that is obviously not the case this year. The numerous demonstrations and protests that have met the torch on its journey thus far are well documented. My feelings on these protests are kind of split.
It's always a good thing when people are standing up for the suffering of others. China's humanitarian record is widely known to be a disgrace and it's about time attention was brought to this. Knowing China's humanitarian stances, I'm surprised the International Olympic Committee allowed Beijing to have the games in the first place. Did they expect people to be so apathetic as to not care at all about the atrocities that the Chinese government permits? If so, I don't know whether that speaks to the ignorance of the IOC or to the sad state of social consciousness in the world today. Whichever the case, it seemed that the IOC expected politics not to come into play during these Olympics at all. That, for sure, IS ignorance. On a platform this prominent, politics are bound to come into play. And it's not as if the Olympics have never served as a stage for people to express their political agendas. You have Jesse Owens basically slapping Hitler in the face at the1936 Olympics, South Africa being banned from the 1964 Olympics, Tommie Smith and John Carlos raising their fists in support of the civil rights movement at the 1968 games, the Munich kidnappings and subsequent murders in 1972, and America boycotting the 1980 games in Moscow. If the rest of the world is watching, politics will ALWAYS come into play. You'll never have a better chance to reach a large audience.
Jacque Rogge, president of the IOC, did not help matters by reacting to the mass protests by saying only that he is in "silent diplomacy" with China. What the fuck kind of euphemism is that?? Just say that you don't wanna ruffle China's feathers cause their government is as sensitive to criticism as a pregnant woman. Seriously, that is a ridiculous answer. Rogge should lose his job for that. The thing is, no one's happy with China's government. Human rights violations are just one of many worrisome factors relating to the country. Once again, though, economics rule all. America wouldn't dare to say anything. The US economy relies heavily on China's large and deep labor pool (and China, in return, relies on us to purchase a large chunk of their goods). Though condemning China publicly would be the right thing to do, it would make no financial sense to do such a thing. The American government, and one could argue rightfully so, will not jeopardize their mutually-beneficial relationship over a country as insignificant (to them) as Tibet. Rogge has said that he thinks the games will be a "catalyst for change and will open a country which used to be mysterious to much of the world". Well you better hope so Jacque, cause so far it's not going too well.
On the other side of the equation, it's a shame that these protests didn't emerge before the Olympics. Sure this is a great way to put attention on the issue, but you have to feel bad for the people running the torch and for the spectators that just wanted a glimpse of it going through their city. I think it's a sign of the times that even something as seemingly insignificant as the running of a lit torch cannot occur without upsetting people across the globe. It's a shame both that the innocence of the Olympics are gone and that people will never let it return. When most people think of the Olympic flame, it brings forth the sense of friendly competition and unity; well it seems unity maybe gone and the competition might not be so friendly anymore.

On a related tangent, China has blamed Tibetan separatists for causing the riots. Oh shut the fuck up you Commie bastards. Give us a break. If you didn't have a billion people in your country no one would give you any respect at all. You're pretty much the Paris Hilton of the world. No one really likes you, but you're tolerated cause you're a billionaire heiress and there's the prospect of getting a blow job.

Okay, when I get home from work I like to sit down and watch PTI. It's one of my daily traditions. Kornheiser and Wilbon's back-and-forth banter always makes for good entertainment. When I got home on Thursday and Friday though, what did I find when I turned on ESPN to watch PTI?... the motherfucking Masters. The Masters! I mean, I understand canceling PTI for the playoffs, opening day, or the NCAA tourney, but not for the damned Masters. As is clearly apparent, I am NOT a golf fan. I just don't care about the Masters and ESPN's blanket coverage of it the last 4 days has been annoying as hell. All I get is golf, golf, and more golf. I understand if people want to play golf, but how can people watch it? Swing, walk, repeat. How is that entertaining in the least? ESPN disappoints me sometimes. We never see any European soccer (even though they have many of the television contracts) or hockey, and instead we get fishing, bowling, racing and golf. Is golf even a sport? My definition of a sport is something you can't do while smoking a cigarette. I'm fairly positive you can play golf while smoking. Now I am greatly impressed by pro golfers. Their ability to hit a small ball into a small hole is impressive, but I don't want to watch it, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. All you ever hear come Masters time is ESPN's sycophantic sportscasters gushing on and on about the beauty and majesty of Augusta. It's a pretty lawn. With holes and tiny deserts. Give me a break. Can we take a national poll on how many people actually want to watch this thing on TV? If more people want to watch it than don't, then I concede and it stays on air; otherwise, move it to ESPN 5 or some shit. Golf is golf, and I will never care. Give me back PTI.

Looking at Comic Books a Whole New Way

I loved comic books when I was young. Okay, maybe love is too strong of a word, but I definitely read them on occasion and always watched the cartoons (X-men the cartoon = fucking awesome!). I was thrilled when all these super hero movies started getting made. Seeing something on paper is one thing... but seeing something created into real life is another thing altogether. Over the weekend I was walking through a Borders and saw an X-men Rise and Fall of the Shi'ar Empire book (basically a compilation of like the 12 comic book arc). That was one of my favorite cartoon arcs, so I figured what the hell, I'll buy the comic. So as I opened it up I remembered what attracted me to comic books in the first place - the vivid colors, the over-the-top characters, and the amazing illustrations (honestly, I don't know know how they draw those pages.... my stick figures look like shit). But you know what really stuck out to me? Female comic book heroes are HOT.
Obviously, I look at girls a completely different way from when I was five or even ten, but still, this was kind of blatant. Just look at some of them and tell me you wouldn't wanna jump their bones:

Psylocke, wearing an outfit that seems better suited for a Victoria Secret show than crime fighting

Jean Grey's pretty classic... but what's with the come hither look?

Who doesn't love a southern girl?..... especially when she's wearing short-shorts

That's Shadowcat??

So I know what you're thinking, 'but Hepzibah's part cat!' Honestly, would it really matter that much?

Clearly Rachel Grey inherited the Phoenix's hot gene

Am I the only one digging the green hair?

Just to be fair, the artists even made the super villains hot:

Here's Lady Deathstrike

And last, but most definitely not least, Emma Frost (Really?? Yes, really.)

And to show I'm not just some sick bastard, other people have noticed the, um, assets of female comic book characters as well. There's an entire website dedicated to them! So how t0 explain the voluptuousness of these (for the most part) childhood characters?
Well though comic books tend to be targeted towards kids, they've always dealt with real life topics. Death and sex are constantly prevalent in comic books. How many kids saw their first kiss in an X-men book, or first learned about the pain of love from Spiderman's and Mary Jane?

Sexuality plays a major role in many a comic book plot. As society's views of sexuality and the female figure have changed, so have the depictions of said female figures in comics. Most casual fans have seen the original X-men costumes, which by todays standards are tacky and ultra-conservative at best. As a whole, society has clearly become more comfortable with the overt sexuality of the female figure over the years, and this evolution is no different in the comic book world. Comics have always served as a medium for social activism (one would have to be blind to miss the connections between the racial tensions prevalent in the 1960s and the outcast X-men), and women's rights and progresses have no doubt played a role in the thought processes that have gone behind many a comic. So in some ways one could say the natural zeitgeist shift has led to female comic book characters dressing more provocatively in an effort to keep up with the seemingly never ending trend of female clothing becoming skimpier and skimpier; but then, one must also look at who exactly is creating these drawings.
Traditionally, the comic book industry tends to be dominated by men. Men think up the ideas, write the stories, and draw the pictures. It shouldn't really be a surprise then that there are so many attractively drawn female characters, should it? Not to get too Freudian on your asses, but I think it's safe to say that many of these characters are direct manifestations of what these male artists would want in a girl; their inner id more or less put to paper. Who doesn't like a girl that can kick some ass? Every guy, whether he admits it or not, has a thing for the conflagration of boobs and leather, and comics provide an unacceptable way for this fantasy to come to life, so to speak.
So where to from here? Well as a genre, comics, more specifically graphic novels, have always been on the forefront of acceptance of what is seen as social un-norms. Alan Moore's seminal Watchmen, which was released waaay back in 1986, dealt blatantly with the themes of sex, rape and homosexuality. It could be argued that mainstream Hollywood still tends to see these topics as almost taboo. Obviously the smaller core audience of comic readers allows the genre to stray away from the mainstream without offending those obnoxious know-it-alls I like to call conservatives, but still, it seems weird that the most forward thinking of our media is found in books full of pictures of men and women dresses in brightly dyed tights. But perhaps it is these pictures that allow comics to be so progressive in the first place. People (in general) see cartoon drawings and immediately think the material within to be of the conventional and "safe" variety, little realizing that these picture books are showing and telling them what they are perhaps afraid to see and hear. As Marvel, DC and other comic publishers continue their release of graphic novels in order to tap into the 'adult' market, the limits for the genre are boundless. The combination of words and pictures allow comics to touch the imagination in a way totally different from the way books do. Plus, books just don't give you Mary Jane modeling underwear.

What Pisses Me Off Right Now

If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop
If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop
I've been running hot
You got me ticking gonna blow my top
If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop

The Rolling Stone - Start Me Up

Okay, I'm generally not an angry guy (at least I don't think so). I 'm pretty relaxed and pretty chill. But certain things get me riled up. Here's what's been pissing me the hell off of late:

The crappy internet you get in hotels. Now basically having lived in hotels for the last year, this is a constant complaint by me to anyone willing to listen. I mean seriously, for whatever ridiculous sum I'm giving you guys every night, you can't get me some decent fucking internet? What is that? You fuckers.

Taking my shoes off in the airport. Look, I'm not gonna blow up a god damned plane with my fucking shoes. Stop making me take them off! It's a pain in the ass. My feet get cold. And I have to wait like ten minutes for a bunch of old people and/or people flying for the first time to realize they have to take their shoes off and then doing so when they get to the front of the line. If I could shoot one person in the leg, I'd shoot the shoe-bomber guy. This is your fucking fault asshole!

March madness brackets. My bracket has never won. Never. I mean, c'mon... throw me a bone sometime! And having all number one seeds in this year? That sucks complete ass. Now you're gonna have that one person in your pool that picks no upsets winning, and then you have to listen to them brag about it and bring it up for the next year even when they pretty much know shit about college basketball. What the fuck you 61 non-number one teams?? You guys are asses.

Those Holiday Inn 'hot bar' commercials. Not only is it that they're kinda creepy, but pretty much any half-decent hotel you stay at's gonna have breakfast. This isn't something new and ground-breaking. Everyone does it.

Taxes. Taxes blow. They just do. If you've never done your taxes, good for you. And if you have done your own, we're in the same boat. So here's a big raised middle finger to the good 'ol IRfuckingS.

Elite Eight Predictions

Okay, so 7 out of 8 isn't bad, right? And c'mon, being from Philly, I had to pick Nova. But whatever. Hopefully the Elite 8 games are better than the Sweet 16. Blow-outs suck. So here's my predictions:

1 - UNC over 3 - Louisville - UNC hasn't been challenged yet. Louisville might be more of a challenge for them, but I don't see this one being all that close.

1 - Kansas over 10 - Davidson - I love this Davidson team. They're fun to watch, and before yesterday I would've had them beating Kansas. But watching Kansas just completely nullify Nova's perimeter game was too impressive. It's close with a lot of lead changes, but I have Kansas winning in the end. Just too many good players on that Jayhawks team.

2 - Texas over 1 - Memphis - Both teams are real good. Memphis impressed the hell out of me with their athleticism, but I really DJ Augustin and this Texas team. Plus we can't have an all number 1 Final Four, right?? Texas by the slimmest of margins.

1 - UCLA over 3 - Xavier - UCLA's too good, that simple. Plus I have them going all the way... I can't back track now.

There they are. I can totally see Davidson, Memphis or Xavier winning though. It's just too close. Plus I'll totally be rooting for Davidson to take out Kansas. You gotta love March Madness.

March Madness!!

Okay, I've been slacking. And obviously I'm a little late with my Madness thoughts. But better late than never, right?
So I had USC in my Championship game. Now this may seem to foolish to many of you, but everyone (well at least Michael Wilbon and Bill Simmons) was raving about the progress of OJ Mayo. So I jumped on the Trojan bandwagon. Imagine my utter joy when I come back from work to see that USC is down by ten with 2 minutes to go. Awesome. There were two lessons to be learned from this devastating defeat:
1) NEVER, under any circumstances, bet on someone named OJ. Seriously, what was I thinking??
Which brings me to point number 2) I fucking suck at picking an NCAA bracket. My cinderellas always fail and my favorites always falter. If you ever want to win a bracket, just pick the opposite of me. It's just fate at this point. I am destined to never win a god-damned NCAA pool. The only thing I'm proud of is that I had Nova making it this far.
Well I have UCLA winning it all, so if you're a Bruins fan, let me just apologize in advance.

Screw you ESPN.com. You couldn't have posted this story before I picked St. Mary's to beat Texas? Thanks for nothing, fuckers.

Someone's gonna get a real good player in Stephon Curry. I hope he stays in school; it's players like him that make the tournament fun to watch. Also, maybe he'll hit puberty by draft time next year.

Seriously USC, you lost to Kansas fucking State. C'mon! That's where kids that don't get into Kansas go to school! Granted, they did somehow end up with Michael Beasley and Bill Walker... so I guess they know how to recruit right?

Without further ado, here's my sweet sixteen picks:

1 - UNC over 4 - Washington State : UNC's just talented, too athletic

3 - Louisville over 2 - Tennessee : Seeing as I had Tennessee losing to Butler in the last round (which almost happened!) no way I can go with the Voluneers here. Plus, Lofton's hurt

12 - Villanova over 1 - Kansas : Okay, so in my bracket I have Kansas beating the 'Cats... but to hell with that. Go big or go home. Nova's peaking at the right time and Kansas always seems to fold sometime. Why not against a confident, well-coached Villanova team?

10 - Davidson over 3 - Wisconsin : So originally I had USC beating Georgetown in this spot. Ha! Davidson's hot and Curry's playing out of his mind. They beat Georgetown. Are Wisconsin better than the Hoyas? I don't think so. Though this means either a 10 or 12 seed in the final four, I'm going with it.

1 - Memphis over 5 - Michigan State : Just like to point out that I called this game beforehand. As much as I like Drew Neitzel and Tom Izzo, it's hard to go against an immensely talented Memphis team.. at least for now.

2 - Texas over 3 - Stanford : Sooo my prediction of Marquette vs. St. Mary's didn't actually pan out. So I visited Sanford's campus a few weeks ago. And all I can say is FUCK THE CARDINALS! Not only do you get ivy league level education while having actual competitive sports teams, but our damn campus is absolutely gorgeous. Bullshit. Total bullshit. Going with Texas on pure emotion here.

1 - UCLA over 12 - Western Kentucky : UCLA might've struggled their last game, but please... they're not losing to Western Kentucky. UCLA in a rout

3- Xavier over 7 - West Virginia : I originally had Xavier beating Duke here. I don't see them not being able to handle the Mountaineers.

And there you have it. The answer key. Just for you
(Again, UCLA fans, I'm so very sorry...)

On Duke-UNC

I'm by no means the biggest college basketball fan. Yeah, the college game has a certain energy to it and (relative to the NBA) remains untainted, but NBA players are infinitely more talented. Given the choice between this ever-present 'energy' and passion that college players have. and talent, I'll take talent every time. Minor league baseball players may be more passionate than their major league counterparts, but would you rather watch them over the game's top players? - didn't think so. I generally don't start watching college games until the tournament starts, with the possible exception of a few Big 5 games if they're on TV. That being said, I felt like I had to watch the Duke - UNC game last night.
There's something about the Duke-UNC rivalry that's just awesome. We really don't have anything like it in any other sport. It's that nameless quality that makes every game seem special (similar to when your team's playing on MNF). I guess you could make a case for Yankees - Red Sox, but that just doesn't have the same feel to it. Plus that so-called rivalry always seems to be one-sided. Either the Yankees or dominating or the Sox are. Duke - UNC was a more even match-up (Duke being ranked 5 and UNC 1). If I had to pick one college game to go to every year, it would definitely be the Duke - UNC match-up. Yes, I'd take it over the NCAA title game. Why? Atmosphere my friend. Now with most college games this isn't enough to make up for the poor quality of the game, but with two teams like Duke and UNC that generally isn't an issue. The atmosphere at every Duke - UNC game just looks electric. Both fan bases are totally into it and giving their all. They're living and dying with every basket. It truly means something to both sides. With tournament games, you're on a neutral court with a lot of neutral fans. Just doesn't have the same feel. (Now some may wonder how I could not choose a game at the Palestra, seeing my alma mater Penn play Princeton or another such team for the ivy league title. Well honestly, we don't deserve the Palestra. The place is usually half-empty for most games and though Penn's a great school to get an education at, it's not a great school as far as school spirit goes. Half the student body spends all their free time doing preppy things, leaving no time for basketball, while the other half spends all their free time talking about how the preppiness of the first half utterly disgusts them. And honestly, we play in the freaking ivy league. There's no conference tournament and we don't give out scholarships. Not exactly the highest level of play.)
Duke - UNC has history and some of the highest level of college ball played in the country. You get Coach K, fans painted blue, and Dick Vitale's head ready to explode. You get kids living in tents for months on end, fans screaming every time the opposing team has the ball, and even a guy in a speedo distracting Tar Heel players when they shoot free throws. Now that's atmosphere. That's passion.
To truly experience the Duke - UNC rivalry I believe you'd really need to attend one of the schools; but if you don't wanna go to school in North Carolina, then going to one of the games is the next best thing. For the true fan, the experience is all about the passion of the other fans around you, and I'm not sure if you'll find a more passionate arena than the one on the day when Duke is playing UNC.

Okay, another reason I watched the Duke - UNC game... Erin Andrews. She is awesome. She likes sports, works for ESPN and is damned hot. I'm also going to say that she's extremely smart, has a great sense of humor, enjoys making out with other girls, and saves burning orphans in her free time (all facts in the previous sentence are unconfirmed but believed to be true). I mean c'mon, she likes sports and (possibly) saves orphans! You can't beat that. Erin, if you're reading this, I will marry you immediately. Now if that comes off as a bit too strong, I'm also up for simply dating, being a booty call, a friend with benefits or even a love slave. I'm not picky...

On Brett Favre

Now, when I was just a little boy,
Standin to my daddys knee,
My poppa said, son, dont let the man get you
Do what he done to me.
cause hell get you,
cause hell get you now, now.

And I can remember the fourth of july,
Runnin through the backwood, bare.
And I can still hear my old hound dog barkin,
Chasin down a hoodoo there.
Chasin down a hoodoo there.

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Born on the Bayou

With Brett Favre's impending retirement, we will undoubtedly be inundated with tributes to him over the upcoming days and weeks. Now as a football and sports fan, I couldn't help but admire the guy. He played with his heart, always gave his all, and played with a child-like enthusiasm that was definitely endearing to watch. I have absolutely nothing against him. But, in all honesty, I'm not sad to see him go.
I don't want to come off as cold or dark-hearted, but it was time for Favre to leave. His skills have diminished to the point that he's no longer a top 5 quarterback in the league and is hardly a top 10. Some may point to his stats last year that he is still capable of leading a team to the Super Bowl, but I have to think much of that success was due to his very capable receiving corps that included Greg Jennings and Donald Driver. Favre still made those bone-headed plays and threw the ball up-for-grabs as he has been doing the last few years, but he got bailed out time and time again by his outstanding receivers. Would you seriously hand Favre the ball with your team's season on the line? I sure as hell wouldn't.
The worst part about Favre retiring is going to have to listen to Chris Berman and every other sportscaster kiss his royal ass for the next few weeks. Seriously Chris, suck his dick already and get it over with. It's ridiculous. I admired the guy, but he was by no means one of my favorite players. If I had to pick my favorite non-Eagles players I'm going with Elway, Barry Sanders, Tomlinson and, more recently, Adrian Peterson. I never cared that much for Favre... so stop shoving him down my fucking throat! Give me Montana or Marino over Favre any day of the week.
The best part about Favre retiring is gonna be seeing those damned Packers fans cry. I hope you all weep large, salty tears and your stupid cheese-heads melt into your hideous sausage fattened faces. Packers fans being upset always seems to equal me being happy. 'Oh no! Our savior is gone! What will we do without the second coming of Jesus??!' You can go get fatter and freeze in one of Wisconsin's many forests for all I care. He's gone. Get over with. So begins the Aaron Rodgers era. You played hard and with passion Favre, and that's all a fan can ask for. Farewell. Now please don't come back. If I have to hear those fucking Packer fans cackle with joy upon them learning of your un-retirement, I will personally break your knee caps. So go, enjoy your retirement. And let me revel in the pain of all those Packers fans. Yeah, I know, I'm pretty much like a grinch in green and white. Well, I'm perfectly comfortable in that role... so keep on crying you jackass cheeseheads, and know that, in my book, Elway will always be Favre's better. Suck on that!