Cowboy Hats and Whataburger: Part I

Time won't change you
Money won't change you
I haven't got the faintest idea
Everything seems to be up in the air at this time

I need something you change your mind

Drugs won't change you
Religion won't change you

Science won't change you
Looks like I can't change you
I try to talk to you, to make things clear
but you're not even listening to me...
And it comes directly from my heart to you...

I need something to change your mind
Talking Heads - "Mind"

So after five days in Texas I've found that there are certain things here that I like a certain things that piss me off. Let's start with the things that I hate. Those stupid cowboy hats. Yeah, the ones you see in any stereotypical depiction of a Texan, yup they're for real. And they're probably the stupidest this I have ever seen. There's no reason to wear them other than to boldly claim "look at me, I'm a giant redneck!" Look, maybe these ginormous hats made sense 100 years ago when people would walk around in the blaring sun all day, but it makes no sense for someone to be wearing them in the suburbs of Houston in the 21st century!! You're not a fucking cowboy and you never will be!! Give it up. You look fricking ridiculous.
Then there's the Texas accents. I'm one of those people that notices the way people talk. I love a slight British accent in girls. Just sooo sexy. Condescending, yes... but also sexy. Boston accents amuse me. Southern accents just make me smile. But then we get to Indian accents. Like those thick straight-off-the-boat accents. I HATE them. Seriously. They make me nauseous. And you put it on a girl and she instantly sounds 60 years old. Well, put the Texas accent alongside the Indian one. I detest it. I don't really know why, there's just something about it that rubs me the wrong way. Just too "texan" or something. If I ever start talking with a Texan accent, please shoot me. And fantastic that I have to listen to this atrocious excuse for a noise every day now. You know what, maybe just go ahead and shoot me now. Tomorrow.... what I actually like about Texas!