I remember when everybody had an ipod except me, and I was like 'oh, I don't need one of those things, they're just over-priced preppy toys.' Well since I've got one, I don't know if I could live without my ipod. I NEED it to fly and run. And recently I got one of those adapter things for my cars. It makes a long-ass drive bearable. Looking at the most influential inventions of the last 30 to 40 years, the ipod has to be in the top ten, right?
So if it didn't come with the social stigma and, for the most part, decrease one's attractiveness towards the opposite sex, wouldn't everyone want to be fat? Think about it. Not caring what others think about you. Not worrying about working out. Eating delicious stuff ALL the time. Who doesn't envy the fat a little bit? That is until you play some sort of sport with them... then you're just happy they're not on your team.
Speaking of fat, what if we just drop boxes upon boxes of Krispy Kremes into the middle east, destroying the Taliban and Al Qaeda with heart disease and clogged arteries? Plus, if they're out of shape they'll be much easier to chase down.
So I decided Big Love is gonna be my next show. Just weird. Something I've never seen before. And, um, it kinda makes me scared of Mormons. Just watch an episode you'll understand.
Weeds: Season 2 is almost out on DVD!!
So does it bother anyone else that Flava Flav went from a part of one of the most influential musical groups EVER to basically a self-mocking caricature? Okay, obviously Chuck D was the heart, soul and mind of Public Enemy, but the whole thing didn't mean anything at all to Flav? The transformation is staggering.
Okay, so if you told me, let's say 5 years ago, that of all the big bubble-gum pop songstresses to emerge in the late 90s that the one with the most respectable career in 2007 would be Mandy Moore, I would have doubted you, to say the least. But think about it. Britney went nuts, Lohan's a strung out whore, Jessica Simpson is nothing more than a pair of walking boobs that no one actually takes seriously, and Aguilera's image will forever remain tarnished due to her 'whorish' phase. But take a look at Moore. She did the usual chick flick fodder, providing eye candy for any guy forced to watch such a movie in order to get laid. But she also did edgier material such as Entourage and Saved. Granted, her singing career is plummeting like a cannonball over a cliff with her last album entering the charts around 940th place, somewhere between Tony Parker's rap album and Ron Artest's greatest hits. Regardless, I can see her sticking around as an actress. Impressive.
Her biggest rival? How about Hillary Duff? She's also stopped singing (one can only hope) to focus on acting, and War Inc., besides having an excellent cast, looks like it could be pretty good.
Along the same line of thought, I am NOT excited to see Lindsay Lohan's inevitable home-made porn. We knows it's coming. I give her three more months. But at this point, does anyone really wanna see her naked? Her being named Maxim's Hottest Girl is an affront to mankind. And Lindsay, Tara Reid called, she wants her crack-head, slut image back.
Speaking of porn, I decided my childhood will officially die the day Danielle Fishel does a nude scene.
Southern girls routinely refer to guys as 'honey' or 'sweetie.' I LOVE this! All girls should add these words to their vocabulary. And I'm sure it's just a coincidence that Hooters girls talk like this too
So Texas has cities named Paris, Naples and Moscow. Hey Texas, you're not fucking Europe! Stop that shit. A large percentage of the country does NOT like your state. Texas city names like Beirut or Damascus would seem to be much more accurate. Although there is a Camden, Texas.... that sounds right to me.
Side note: if anyone wants to take you on a trip to 'small-town' Texas, tell them to fuck off and die. I'd rather take a vacation to the Gaza Strip.
My favorite Texas moment so far:
Driving behind a truck that had a sign that said, simply, "Caution: show chickens"
Finally, my ode to Boondock Saints and shitty Texas drivers:
We do not ask for your fast or your slow.
We do not want your SUV's or your pick-ups.
It is your shitty drivers we claim.
It is your evil, who will be sought
by us.
With every breath we shall hunt them
down.
Each day we will spill their blood
till it rains down from the skies.
Do NOT drive 40 in the fast lane,
do NOT cut people off,
USE your damned turn signals.
These are principles which
every man of every faith can embrace.
These are not polite suggestions.
They are codes of behavior and those
that ignore them will pay the dearest
cost.
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