On Avril Lavigne and other musical thoughts

'Cause I've gotta be more punk, and forget about writing love songs

And even though I'm a middle class white Canadian

God knows I've been done wrong

'Cause I'm a fake punk! I'm a fake punk!

I'll even use a dirty word, I'll even write a mean song,

I'll even take a mean picture

'Cause I've got the hair for it!

Devin Townsend - Fake Punk

Avril Lavigne sucks. She is highly un-talented and I refuse to debate this point. She tries to use an extremely fake punk persona to distinguish herself from all the other pop songstresses out there. Hey Avril, you're about as punk as Starbucks. Cut the shit out! You are NOT a punk rocker. Nothing about you is anti-mainstream. You're not some sort of bad ass girl. Patti Smith or Janis Joplin would beat you down, tie you up, and run you over with their motorcycles as they smoke a joint and sip on some Southern Comfort. You're a fraud. Trying to pass yourself off as a punk persona is an insult to every true punk artist that has ever dared to pick up an instrument and actually say something political. The only thing separates you from all the pop whores out there is that they're not afraid to be what they are. Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Aguilera, they're corporate bubble gum creations and not afraid to admit it. And you know why they don't have to wear baggy clothes so stupid teeny boppers think they're actually anti-establishment? Cause they're actually hot! You don't even have that going for you. And sad as it is, they probably have more talent than you. Though their voices are sub-par, at least they're out there singing while you just hide behind the un-imaginative guitar playing of your backing band. And how exactly Avril Lavigne became popular when her song-writing is comparble to that of an eight-year-old is beyond my comprehension. "Sk8er Boi"? What the fuck? And "Girlfriend" may have the worst lyrics of any popular song since Limp Bizkit subjected us to "Rollin", which was basically a hokey-pokey for metal heads with bad taste. Just look at start to the song

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

It's like a 21st century retarded version of "Mickey." You are a disgrace to the music industry Avril Lavigne. You can't play the guitar, you can't sing, and you can't write lyrics worth a shit. You're no better than any of those other hacks out there, except I'd pay to see them in a porn. Take your crappy music and go back into your make believe hole where you're a real artist rather than the useless lump of crap you currently are. Now if you need me I'll be in my car listening to "Girlfriend," cause that damn thing won't get out of my head!


As to driving songs, here are some of my favorites:

Akon's Smack That - a song about smacking asses. It's about time

Radar Love by Golden Earring - still the ultimate driving song

Anything by Bon Jovi or Queen - you need something you can sing along to

That whooohoo song by Gwen Stefani - the whole song should just be the whoohoo part

Roadhouse Blues by The Doors - just a great driving rhythm to it

Achilles Last Stand - the most underrated Zeppelin song of all time

The Bosstones or Reel Big Fish - always fun, always enjoyable, will get you through those long ass traffic jams

Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple - one of the best guitar riffs of all time

Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks - who doesn't like singing along to that?

Separate Ways by Journey - Journey's best song and most ridiculous music video

Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash - the quintessential Cash song with a great rhythmic bass sound

Beautiful Liar - the song's just fucking catchy. Plus Beyonce and Shakira together is enough to make my third testicle drop

Plus other dance songs that I would otherwise criticize. For some reason they're good for driving. I don't know why.



So my goal's to listen to some newer bands. I shall work on this.