Friday, February 8, 2008

The Super Fraud??

just give us a little bit of soul now, just give us a little bit of soul and here we go!
overload and explode! misdirection - insurrection - with the conspiracy yeah

International Noise Conspiracy - The Blast Off

So while I was laying in a fever induced stupor a few days ago, some hazy thoughts filtered into my head; some hazy Super Bowl thoughts that at once made everything crystal clear: the Super Bowl was fixed! Now, before you dismiss this as some X-Files bullshit, just think about it.
The Patriots were clearly the better team, I don't think anyone will deny this. This is a team that went 18 and 0..... 18 and 0! And then they just come out flat for the freeking Super Bowl? I don't think so. How do you explain that? Clearly they were drugged. By whom you might ask? How about none other than Mr. NFL Commissioner himself, Roger Goodell! Now you might be saying "wait, even if they didn't come out flat, Bill Belichick's horrendous play calling would have doomed than anyways..." Well here's the kicker: Belichick was in on it too!
The ongoing 'Spygate' controversy had been a headache for Goodell, and whatever he saw on those tapes caused him enough consternation to promptly have them destroyed.... or so he says. What if these videos were so incredibly damning of Belichick that Goodell secretly kept them as baggage to hold over Bill's head? Think about it. With all the bad publicity sports, and the NFL in general, has been getting, Goodell NEEDED something to take people's minds off all the nastiness and onto the actual game. Luckily for Roger, the Pats took off hot and never really stopped. The quest for a perfect regular season captivated audiences and sports media outlets. Viewer numbers were gigantic. This was great for Goodell... except for the fact that everyone hated this team.
Everyone needs a bad guy; it's what makes for epic battles. David had Goliath, Rocky had Drago, G.I. Joe had Cobra. Would the Miracle on Ice have been as famous or as big of a deal if we were playing someone other than the hated Russians? I think not. No one even remembers who we actually played in the gold medal game (Finland or Sweden or some Scandinavian team that we would obliterate in a war). So you need the bad guy... but the bad guy has to lose. The Patriots winning would have pissed off everyone outside of Boston and, simply put, turned people off of football for a while. Pats in the Suer Bowl = good, but Pats winning the Super Bowl = bad. Enter Goodell and his tapes.
So Roger takes Belichick aside, tells him he has the tapes and will fuck him over if he argues. The team will get poisoned, Belichick's play calling has to suck, the Giants have to win. So Belichick has no choice but to accept the offer. How else do you explain the sudden passivity of the Patriots offense? What other reason could there be for Belichick being out-coached by Tom Coughlin?
It seems that Goodell's heinous plan worked. The Super Bowl was the second most watched US program of all time. And now people are legitimately excited for the off-season. "If the fuckin Giants could win, then why not us??" Plus everyone's waiting to see what happens to the mighty Patriots, like Germany after World War II. So that is it. The Super Bowl was a set-up. The Pats were fucked over by their commissioner and their coach. Why has no one noticed? Well if you had Brady's three rings and were pounding Brazilian models on a regular basis, you'd probably be pretty content yourself. As for the rest of the country: simple, they HATE the Patriots. We see what we want to see, and we 'saw' the Patriots lose fair and square. But think again. The plot was dubious and clever. No one cares when the bad guy gets screwed over. Next time, though, it could be your team. It could be the Arizona Cardinals getting screwed. Or the Oakland Raiders. Where will Roger stop??! I'm on to you Goodell. You may have pulled a fast one on the rest of the country, but I've uncovered your nefarious scheme. I bet you're the one that gave me that fever in the first place. Well, those 8 tabs of Nyquil showed you!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

that is the craziest thing i have ever heard. you must have been on shit loads of nyquil to come up with that. and you must have been on even more robo to write it and post it on your blog. there are many reasons why the pats lost and zero of them have to do with a conspiracy. if anything, the ravens game versus the pats was rigged...for the pats. and the only way you believe that is if you're crazy.

i award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.

-arney