Why Soccer Will Never Catch on in America

Eager for action and hot for the game
The coming  attraction,  the drop of a name
They knew all the right people; They took all the right pills
They threw outrageous parties; They paid heavenly bills
There were lines on the mirror, lines on her face
She pretended not to notice she was caught up in the race
Out in the evenin' until it was light
He was too tired to make it; she was too tired to fight about it.

Life in the fast lane; surely make you lose your mind
Life in the fast lane
Life in the fast lane; everything all the time
Life in the fast lane
The Eagles - "Life in the Fast Lane"

Okay, let me start this out by stating that I'm a sports fanatic. I probably watch more sports than is healthy for a 22-year-old male. I have left bars and parties early to watch sporting events (granted they were playoff games, but still...). Needless to say, sports have likely adversely affected my social, personal, and sex lives respectively. I live and die through sports. That being said, I am most definitely a soccer fan (thought for the most part I watch European based leagues which, must be noted, are played at a much higher level than the American league). Born and raised in America my entire life, my fondness for soccer is, in my estimation, due to my unhealthy obsession with sports. Soccer is still largely unembraced by the American public at large and I do not see this situation changing any time soon.
We are a society of low attention spans. This cannot be argued. Debate amongst yourselves what you believe the cause to be. Just take a look at any music video sometime. Never does a single shot last longer than three seconds. Anything longer, and video directors believe they would lose the focus of their audience. Sadly, they may be right. We want fast, instant gratification. Ask someone to sit through a one and a half hour Tom Cruise action movie with lots of explosives and car chases, and they're game. Ask them to sit through a three hour movie with a plot, character development and (perhaps) an actual message, a they'll be less likely to want to watch the movie. This is the problem facing soccer in America today.
Soccer is a sports where goals generally are not at a surplus, and where, unless one is able to pick up on the subtle nuances of the game, it may appear to be boring to the general fan. There are no home runs or dunks to get the crowd going. Much like hockey, soccer is a game of patience, positioning, and is often more about the build-up to the goal rather than the goal itself. And we have seen how well hockey is doing in the American market. Both are fringe sports with die-hard fan bases. But they simply do not possess the instantaneous gratification that is seen in other sports. To really get into a hockey or soccer game, you need to watch a significant part of the contest. We simply are not willing to put forth the effort necessary to watch an entire game from beginning to end. This is opposed to baseball, basketball or football where the big-play highlights are often sufficient. The rise in the popularity of Nascar in recent years can best display the prevailing zeitgeist of the American sports fan. There's cars going fast around a track for hours on end. It's mindless... but there's speed. And, as every racing fan hopes, there are often crashes (and let's be honest, people watch Nascar for the wrecks).
Some might point to the brief popularity of the North American Soccer League in the 70s and 80s as proof that soccer can succeed in America. But that was a different time. The psyche of the American populace was completely different. We did not have the constant media blitz through the internet and TV that we have today. Much of the popularity of the league was also based around the New York Cosmos, who's free spending helped to attract the likes of soccer legends such as Pele and Franz Beckenbauer, and made the individual player more important than the sport itself. But the league turned out to be no more than a fad. Soon the clubs went bankrupt and the league folded.
The MLS today is much better organized and run than the NASL ever was, so the league folding is not on the horizon. But if one expects the MLS to reach a point of popularity where it can contend with the NFL, NBA, MLB or even Nascar, they would be mistaken. We simply do not have the attention span, as a society, to be able to watch soccer. Again, some may point to the popularity of baseball, which can be seen s a "slow" game. But the long history of baseball in America must be taken into consideration. And, as important, through the use of innings, baseball already has breaks built into the game. Every twenty minutes or so people can get up and stretch or move around or whatnot. Basically just de-concentrate for a few moments The non-stop nature of soccer requires the American male to sit still for 45 minute straight. As much as we complain about commercials, perhaps we actually need them to keep our focus. Could the average American actually sit through an entire quarter of football without any breaks from the action? I think not. Soccer's a sweet sport. Once you get to know some of the teams and players and get a feel for the game, it's as exciting as any of the major American sports. But for it to catch on here it would need to be adopted by a sports audience that's already at its full saturation point. So while David Beckham coming to play here may create a national buzz, don't expect to be seeing MLS games in primetime anytime soon. In this country, at this time, we simply, unfortunately, lack the focus for a sport such as soccer. Now maybe if they threw in some explosions, then maybe we'd start watching.