Random musings on a semi-cold Wednesday

So you know what's not hard?....recycling. And if you're gonna take the time to recycle, is it really all that hard to separate paper from plastics? This isn't bloody rocket science people. Paper products go in one trash can, plastics and other recyclables go in another. Not that difficult.

So I have extremely low expectations for Transformers 2 and the GI Joe Movie. So the first Transformers was decent, but on repeated viewings it struggles mightily to be as good as it was in theaters. Now comes news that they're changing the Soundwave character. Soundwave was always one of my favorite transformers and easily the coolest decepticon. Now I'm fine with movies diverging a little bit from their source material (for example making Bumblebee into a Mustang and turning Megatron into some sort of plane), but this is too far. You need Soundwave as the transformer ejecting boom box. What's the point of changing him? Fuck you Michael Bay, you pretentious piece of shit. This movie's gonna suck.
Then you get to GI Joe which, along with Transformers, was one of the integral cartoons of my childhood. A movie with an ensemble cast like this obviously cannot be easy to do. But take a clue from X-men. What made the first two movies of that franchise so good was the inspired casting of the villains - Ian McKellen as Magneto and Brian Cox as William Stryker. So who do we get as the villainous, ghastly Cobra Commander..... Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Yes, the kid from 3rd Rock From the Sun. Now for all I know he may be a great character actor and may knock the role out of the park, but let's just say that I'm extremely skeptical. Suffice it to say that I don't see him bringing the necessary intensity and evilness to the role to give it that sense of realism.

And let's not even go into Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li (which I would only see for the ridiculously hot Kristin Kreuk and Moon Bloodgood) and the truly awful looking Dragonball Evolution (if someone could explain to me why Goku is white that would be awesome). Again, I could be horribly wrong with all these movies. And maybe that's a good thing. Go in not expecting much, and you might be happy just getting a little.


On the other side of things, I'm ridiculously excited for the Watchmen movie. Zach Snyder looks to have a done a thorough job from the clips I've seen. Will it be as good as the graphic novel? Doubful. But does it have a chance to at least be fairly decent? I'd say that's highly probable.

The word 'delish' bothers me. Can we just agree to stop using it?

Words/phrases that should be brought back:
1) Queef - I'm shocked this word never entered the public consciousness
2) Peace out bitches - so maybe it never officially 'left,' but it's so horribly nerdy and white, it just needs to be used more often
3) Bitchin - another word that really never came into it's own
4) Cracker/Honky - is anyone actually offended by either of those terms?

I watch waaay too much TV...

So I've been on a TV show binge of late. I'm a total TV junkie and I've seen waaay too many shows of late. I finished the fantastic third season of Friday Night Lights earlier today. This show is just too fucking good. The characters are so well written and developed that they have a realism to them that forces you to root for them....all of them. Most shows have characters that you absolutely cannot stand (for instance, I don't get how we were supposed to be cheering for Tony Soprano - he was a fat, greedy, lazy fuck that repeatedly cheated on his wife and shot his 'beloved' cousin rather than go to war; I would've throw a party if he got killed) but you don't find that with FNL. It's impossible not to relate to at least some aspect of every chacracter on the show. Despite the critical acclaim, people still aren't watching this show. Personally I blame the lack of publicity NBC gives it and it's Friday night time slot. Now I understand people not staying home to watch FNL. I'm rarely home on Friday nights. Simply put, no show's gonna succeed given such a shitty time slot. But here's what blows my mind.... more people are watching Ghost Whisperer than are watching Friday Night Lights!! You gotta be fucking kidding me. Have you seen Ghost Whisperer?! I'm a huge Jennifer Love Hewitt fan; I'll watch pretty much any movie she's in. But this show is fucking terrible! And more people are choosing to watch it than the utterly terriffic Friday Night Lights?? This blows my mind. What the fuck is wrong with the viewing public? That's just absolute bullshit and beyond my comprehension.

While I'm on television shows, I really think Friday Night Lights, The Office, and How I Met Your Mother need to come with some sort of warning: 'Caution: the following show may contain highly upsetting, heart-wrenching moments of emotional anguish.' Seriously, I don't know if there are three other things that have collectively made me yell so much. All three shows are incredibly well-written with characters that you can't help but get invested in. If you have any sort of heart at all then there will undoubtedly be a few moments during the viewing of these shows where you'll want to scream, cry, or both. Betweem Pam and Jim, Ted and Robin, and the entire cast of FNL, I was simply not ready for the toll these shows would take on me. So looking out for future viewers, I think it only appropriate that The Office, Friday Night Lights, and How I Met Your Mother come with some sort of disclaimer. That way, before you get truly invested, you'll know what you're getting into.

So I finally finished the fifth and final season of The Wire. If there's one show out there that can honestly be described as 'horribly underrated,' it has to be The Wire. The show tackled uncomfortable subjects that other shows have simply avoided all together. I'm not gonna go into a big diatribe on how good this show was, or how much ground it broke, or what it says about our society that it got barely any recognition (I'm sure you can find all that with a simple google search), but I will say that I think it's only a matter of time before we get an urban studies course that's taught using only The Wire. The show's as powerful as any documentary but infinitely more entertaining. It's a show that was likely ahead of it's time and it's a shame that it couldn't be continued for a few more seasons. After finishing the last episode I had an empty feeling inside; it felt like one of my friend's had just moved away forever. The Wire will make you think while you're watching it, and it literally had me pondering for a day after I'd finished the last episode. It was that fucking good and it's a shame that we have nothing like it to fill the gigantic void it has left in the television landscape. Suffice it to say that According to Jim just doesn't fill the space.

Screw You Obama

So I was really happy with the election of Barack Obama. It's nice to have an intelligent, eloquent man as our president. In general I enjoy hearing Barack speak. He's extremely articulate and tends to actually answer questions that are asked of him. Now, before Obama was elected he took out a 30 minute spot before game 5 of the World Series. I wasn't all that pleased by this, but it wasn't that big of a transgression.
Let's explain one thing here first. I'm a big television fan. That being said, Monday's are probably the best TV night of the week....Chuck, Heroes. Big Bang Theory, and How I Met Your Mother. I look forward to my Monday nights like a crack addict looks forward to his next fix. My Monday night schedules are intricately planned around my shows. So when I heard Obama was gonna be doing a little talk thing from 8 to 8:30, I wasn't exactly enthralled. But still, he's gonna change the world etc. etc..... so fine, whatever. At 8:30 I turned on CBS to watch the excellent How I Met Your Mother, and what do I find?....Obama's still on! WTF?! Barack ended up not being done til 9. How I Met Your Mother DID NOT AIR! Now President Obama, if you're gonna talk for an hour, so be it, but don't fucking tell me that you're gonna be done by 8:30 and get me all excited to watch a show only to tune in and find you still talking. Not cool. You get a pass this time, but if it happens again, well, I smell impeachment.

Oh, and a note to the reporter that asked Obama what he thought about A-Rod admitting that he did steroids. Really?? You get one question to ask the president, and that's it? You gotta be fucking me. What the hell did you expect him to say? Unless Obama's gonna be like 'I love 'roids, I use them all the damned time' that's a useless fucking question. You know the answer! And honestly, does this shock anyone? Baseball was already more or less a joke, and no one likes Rodriguez anyways. Um, and pretty sure we have more important concerns than a baseball player doing steroids 6 years ago. Get your fucking priorities straight.

On the Eagles losing (again)

So the Eagles blew another chance to go to the Super Bowl last weekend (that's four NFC championship games losses under Andy Reid...not that I'm counting or anything). Aside from the game against that Rams team (also led by Kurt Warner), the birds were favored in every match-up. Once again, as in the other three losses, the Eagles came out flat; they seemed shocked by everything the other team ran. I guess I'm supposed to say that this loss hurts the most.... but to be honest, it really doesn't. The Eagles losing a meaningful game? Yeah, and the sun also rose today. Sad to say it, but I think I'm numb to the Eagles now. They're like going back to an abusive, cheating girlfriend. You'll have some fun and there'll be good memories, but in the end, like allllll the times before, you'll just end up in pain and with a broken heart. Eventually you kinda just say 'fuck it' and expect her to berate you and sleep around. That's the Philadelphia Eagles. They crush your living soul and you don't bat an eye. Thank god for the Phillies...

Some Thoughts on an Unusually Warm Chirstmas Day...

Sooo I was completely wrong on Heroes. The season finale was an utter train wreck; an insult to the entire fan base, honestly. I wish I'd given up on it weeks ago like smarter people had. It seems as if the creators of the show take us, the fans, for slightly mentally challenged monkeys. They now shatter the laws of physics on a weekly basis, not to mention destroying any pretense of episodic continuity. The characters' motivations seems to change every episode and things just happen a little too conveniently. Ando gets some sort of amplifying power and combining his power with Daphne's, who runs really fast, he can time travel? What?! They did that in one of the Superman movies years ago...and it was bullshit then! How does he control it? How can they go forward and backwards?? I'm sure Einstein is rolling in his grave. The creators of Heroes owe us an apology for making us sit through that entire sub-par season for an absolutely atrocious season finale. You fuckers. That last episode was an affront to TV viewers everywhere. A season that started out with such promise turned into a heaping crap of bullshit in the matter of an hour. Will I watch the show when it starts up again in January? Yeah, probably...but it's on a short lease. Anything less than exceptionality and I'll be changing the channel. And for the love of god, whoever's making Heroes needs to wisen up and treat us like intelligent human beings. One more season finale like that and Tim Kring and company should be caned. I have low expectations for whatever they're gonna do next with the show, but hey, I'll still take it over Law and Order.

Joining Heroes on the 'list of things that have jumped the shark' would have to be, sadly, Chris Cornell. Look man, you went from combining metal and grunge in Soundgarden (only one of the most innovative and influential bands of the 90s), to forming super group Audioslave (which, though it never came out with that one 'great' album, was still a fairly decent listen), to carving out a fairly decent solo career for yourself, even getting to do the song for Casino Royale. Things were looking good. But then you decided you wanted to go mainstream or whatever. You know what, I'm fine with that. Do what you gotta do....but make sure the music stays good. If you keep the music good as you evolve, then I have no problem with whatever you're doing. Instead, Cornell's sold his soul to Timbaland to create what is, essentially, nothing more than an over-produced, run-of-the-mill pop album. Take a listen to Scream. It doesn't sound remotely like a rock album. The drum track sounds like something off an Alicia Keys record, the over-dubbing of vocals creates a glossy sound that ultimately sounds cheesy and artificial, and the distinct lack of any sort of guitar work signals the 'sold out!' alarm. Worse than that, the song's fucking boring! I love Cornell's voice. One of the best rock singers of all time (in my opinion) and Jesus Christ Pose has to be in my top ten song list. But what he's turned into is a shame. A waste of that awesome, metal snarl that was a big 'fuck you' to anything that resembled pop music. I'm all for having pop sensibilities; making your music more accessible to the mainstream (so to speak) public. Making a "rock" record produced by Timbaland though? Yeah, not working for me man. Timbaland's an awesome producer who makes some fantastic beats, but producing a rock record with someone who has a voice like yours? Not his thing. You should've stuck to what you know Chris. If you wanted to go commercial, well hey, I guess you succeeded. But don't expect us to ever, ever put you into the same category as an Eddie Vedder, Cobain or Billy Corgan. Your chance for that is now gone.

Just a thought on Plaxico Burress. Disregard the fact that he's retarded - if you need to take a gun into a club, well maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't be going into that club in the first place!! Forget that he put the gun into his waistband rather than some sort of holster. Don't even worry about him shooting himself - shit happens. What really bothers me is this Plaxico went to a club in his sweat pants. Who goes to a motherfucking club in their sweat pants??!! Are you shitting me? I'm of the firm opinion that guys should not go into public places in sweat pants unless 1) it's a sweat pants party, or 2) it's before 7 am and you're just going out to get coffee or breakfast. Any other time and you're telling the world 'i'm a lazy fuck who doesn't give a shit about his shoddy appearance.' Now, throw in the fact that Plax is not in just any public place, but he's in some sort of club. Not a supermarket or a Wawa.... a fucking club. Plus he's in New York, a city where people get dressed up to go to the corner and grab a newspaper. The rest of the story suggests that Plaxico is, by all accounts, an idiot, and if nothing else it's an amusing anecdote, but I can't forgive going into a club in sweat pants. That's just straight bullshit. Thank god you're on the Giants....

On TV and Snow

So as long-rumored, ABC canceled the fantastic Pushing Daisies. What a crock. They take off one of the smartest, wittiest, best written shows on television while they continue to broadcast putrid shit like Supernanny, The Bachelor, Desperate Housewives and Wife Swap. They get rid of a smart, creative, truly unique show while they continue to produce crap that simply attracts the lowest common denominator. What has happened to TV? I'm sure ABC will claim that Pushing Daisies' diminutive ratings simply didn't make up for it's production costs, but how can you expect to even draw an audience when you don't give the show a real chance to blossom? Pushing Daisies was just hitting it's stride, and now the show won't even be given the opportunity to finish it's second season. What the hell is that? Why even bother following and getting emotionally invested in a show if it could be canceled next week? There were few shows on TV as good as Pushing Daisies, and whether you followed the show or not, this is a sad day for television watchers everywhere.

Speaking of shows, I just started watching 30 Rock. I plowed though the first season in maybe a week and am in the middle of the second right now. I have no idea why I never watched this before. It has one of the best casts ever, never ceases to be hilarious, and is written by every guy's secret crush, Tina Fey. With it's quirky humor and numerous pop culture references, 30 Rock's quickly become must-watch TV for me. But throw aside the hilarity and the witty banter for a second. Disregard Tina Fey's fantastic portrayal of insecure head writer Liz Lemon and the horribly underrated Alec Baldwin's cocky but ultimately good hearted Jack Donaghy. The true shining star of 30 Rock can only be one character: Cerie. Played by the super attractive Katrina Bowden, Cerie's sole purpose on the show is to be hot. It is literally all she does. She is paraded around in a variety of skimpy outfits that both entice the imagination and help to skewer the superficial nature of television and Hollywood in general. And the thing is, as a character Cerie breaks the usual mold by being self-aware: she knows she is there simply for sex appeal and revels in the role. Like bacon on a cheeseburger, Cerie takes something that is already awesome and raises it to another level.

On a non-TV related note, we had our first real snowfall of the year in Philly a few days ago. Now normally I love snow. It just seems really pure and has a calming effect on me. I love waking up in the morning to see everything covered in a fresh blanket of snow. Driving in it however? That's a completely different fucking story. I don't get it. You get a little bit of snow and people forget how to drive. They drop their speed to 20 mph and brake seemingly every 50 feet. What the fuck? If this is some place in Texas where you're not gonna get snow...okay, I can understand that. But this is freaking Philadelphia! If you live here, chances are good that you've seen and driven in snow before!! So what gives? And the thing is, if people see rain, which for all intents and purposes would be much more dangerous to drive in, they go as fast as ever. It makes no sense. So a simple plea to not only the residents of Philly, but to everyone around the world: just cause it's snowing doesn't mean you have to forget how to drive. If you have a running car with working tires you'll be fine. So stop crawling around the highways like motherfucking snails. If you can't drive in snow then get off the road, cause snow won't be half as dangerous as me ramming your car off the god damned road if you don't push the pedal down and actually go somewhere close to the speed limit.

Thumbs Down to the IGN Babe Election

When I first saw that IGN was doing a tournament-style bracket to determine, in their words "the ultimate eye-candy," I was quite enthusiastic. I mean, what guy doesn't like ranking girls based on their looks? This would be fun!
IGN had amassed a pretty thorough list of hot girls to rank (though the omissions of Halle Berry, Adrianne Palicki, Anna Paquin and Mila Kunis are a bit disconcerting). For the most part, I can't argue with the results thus far. I wouldn't have had Megan Fox beat Keira Knightley, but it's understandable. I'm really just a sucker for Keira's accent. Scarlett beating Hayden and Petra Nemcova beating Jennifer Garner are close calls, but oh well, I can live with that. There was one result, though, that I simply could not digest.
Now I'm a big fan of the show Chuck. For the last 1+ season it's been a fun, fairly brainless show, an excellent lead-in to the drama filled hour that will be Heroes. Chuck has likable characters that were properly developed, an excellent supporting cast, and the right blend of action, humor, and romance to keep things interesting. That being said, I'd be lying if I said that the best part of the show was anything other than Yvonne Strahovski. I don't know why this girl doesn't get talked about more often; she is absolutely, completely, unequivocally smoking hot. Like ridiculously so. She may be the hottest blonde I have ever seen and I don't think there's a hotter girl on television right now. Yet, most people have never heard of her.
Seeing her in IGN's tournament thing, I had her pegged for my Final Four, and possibly winning the whole damn thing. She beat Olga Kurylenko in the first round (you should watch Hitman just to see Olga being ridiculously hot) as she should have, but then, she lost to Keeley Hazell in Round 2! the second round?! To Keeley Hazell??!! To Keeley fucking Hazell???!!! Who the fuck is that?? So a quick google search tells you that she's basically some whore from England that made a sex tape. So Yvonne, that shimmering goddess of all things that are good in this world, lost to a big-titted British version of Paris Hilton. You gotta be fucking kidding me. What a god damend joke. Now humanity as a whole has made some poor choices - we elected Bush to be our president, we like Nickelback, we still resist gay marriage - but this is unconsciable. To pick some whore with big boobs that has done absolutely nothing over an ultra attractive, talented actress on a great show.... well that pretty much speaks for itself. Men (and women) all over the world should be ashamed that this has come to pass. I take this as a personal affront. What has happened to us as a race when we're picking Keeley fucking Hazell over Yvonne Strahovski?? A sad day for humanity. And if I ever see this Keeley fucking hazell chick, I'm gonna push her in front of a bus.... or maybe just have her sign a copy of her DVD.